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Hatchet
Movie Stats & Links

Starring: Tamara Feldman, Joel David Moore, Deon Richmond, Adam Green, Kane Hodder, Robert Englund, Tony Todd
DVD Rated: Unrated
Web Site: www.hatchetmovie.com
Distributed By: Anchor Bay Entertainment
Kiddie Movie: Only if you want them to have nightmares.
Date Movie: If she finds the humor or the scary in over-the-top gore.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of boobs.  Yay!
Gratuitous Violence: Umm, duh.
Action: Lots of running and chasing.
Laughs: Depends on if horror movies scare you.
Memorable Scene: The belt sander was sweet.
Memorable Quote: A couple...
"It's dare, it's wet, and I can't see shit." and " I can't believe I've fallen for this shit three times now!"
Directed By: Adam Green

Cool Things About the DVD

Buy a New TV! Please buy a widescreen TV already.
Buy a New Stereo! The surround sound is actually very good.
Anything Else! The sections on "Meeting Victor Crowley" and "Anatomy of a Kill" give some cool insight into the old-school horror film genre.

Hatchet
A Movie/DVD Review

 

DVD Rated - Unrated

It's 1:24 Long

A Review by
The Dude on the Right
Watching "Hatchet," and in thinking about what I would write for this review, I couldnít help but wonder if Iím offending the movie-making folks if I said something like "I liked íHatchet.í I laughed my ass off!" I hope not, because "Hatchet" is a great slasher film with some of the best over-the-top killings I have seen in a while, all of which made me laugh. For me thatís a good thing.

The premise is pretty simple Ė A group of people take a haunted tour of the swamps outside of New Orleans. Sure, the tour is supposed to be hokey, but Ben (Joel David Moore) is bored with the naked breasts of Bourbon Street and somehow convinces his buddy, Marcus (Deon Richmond), to tag along. Along for the tour is an older couple, a creepy dude making a video with two dudettes more than willing to expose their breasts, and Marybeth (Tamara Feldman) who finds it cheaper to take the tour than to buy a boat so she can look for her missing kin-folk. But Marybeth also knows the true story of the haunted swamp, that of the disfigured man-creature, Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder), and when their swamp boat runs aground, she also pretty much knows their fate.

Sure enough, our bumbling group stumble upon whatís left of Victorís shack and commit nearly every horror movie mistake including classic blunders like: They split up; They make noise when the killer is near; They injure the killer then run away rather than finish the job; They, well, I think you get the point. But itís all well and good for "Hatchet" because from the start of the movie you donít get the feeling those making the movie are trying to get overly creative, just trying to make a movie in the same vein of the old horror classics we know and love.

The first thirty minutes of set-up kind of drag, but once our "destined for death by maniacal means" group finds the swamp, "Hatchet" kicks into a fun-filled horror fest with tons of blood and gore (okay, the first thirty minutes did have the nudity, so I guess it wasnít that bad). The acting is exactly what you want in a horror film like this, you get lots of quality nudity, and even though the movie is titled "Hatchet," Victor Crowley doesnít use it that much to kill those in our tour group, his bare hands are just as head-splitting, and when it comes to originality in the gore department, the gas-powered belt sander is just a joy.

For folks like my sister "Hatchet" will probably scare the crap out of them, but for folks like my niece, "Hatchet" might just prove a fun time watching a movie. The blood and gore are over the top, there is a lot of blatant nudity, and Victor Crowley is a great horror dude. Itís 3 Ĺ stars out of 5 because it gives you exactly what you will probably expect from a movie called "Hatchet," and had the beginning of the movie been a little stronger, it would have easily hit 4 or 4 Ĺ stars.

As far as the special DVD features, I found it surprising that the Gag Reel portion wasnít that funny, actually having more to do about gagging, and quite honestly, I donít have time to watch the movie over again with the commentary track. However, I found the "Meeting Victor Crowley" and "Anatomy of a Kill" features fascinating, especially Kane Hodderís methodology for introducing the monster to the actors, and the use of actual special effects rather than CGI was refreshing.

And lastly, as much as my summary table lists some favorite quotes from the movie, my favorite quote from the entire DVD is from Adam Green, the writer and director of "Hatchet," when talking about PG-13 horror movies. It is simply - "If Iím not going to see some nudity and some gore, donít waste my time." My sentiments exactly. "Hatchet" didnít waste my time.

Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

 

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