Movie Stats & Links
||Tamara Feldman, Joel David Moore,
Deon Richmond, Adam Green, Kane Hodder, Robert Englund, Tony
Anchor Bay Entertainment
||Only if you want
them to have nightmares.
||If she finds the
humor or the scary in over-the-top gore.
||Lots of boobs.
||Lots of running
||Depends on if
horror movies scare you.
||The belt sander
"It's dare, it's wet, and I can't see shit." and " I can't
believe I've fallen for this shit three times now!"
Cool Things About the DVD
|Buy a New TV!
||Please buy a
widescreen TV already.
|Buy a New
||The surround sound
is actually very good.
||The sections on
"Meeting Victor Crowley" and "Anatomy of a Kill" give some
cool insight into the old-school horror film genre.
Watching "Hatchet," and in thinking about what I would
write for this review, I couldnít help but wonder if Iím
offending the movie-making folks if I said something like "I
liked íHatchet.í I laughed my ass off!" I hope not, because
"Hatchet" is a great slasher film with some of the best
over-the-top killings I have seen in a while, all of which
made me laugh. For me thatís a good thing.
A Movie/DVD Review
The premise is pretty simple Ė A group of people take a
haunted tour of the swamps outside of New Orleans. Sure, the
tour is supposed to be hokey, but Ben (Joel David Moore) is
bored with the naked breasts of Bourbon Street and somehow
convinces his buddy, Marcus (Deon Richmond), to tag along.
Along for the tour is an older couple, a creepy dude making
a video with two dudettes more than willing to expose their
breasts, and Marybeth (Tamara Feldman) who finds it cheaper
to take the tour than to buy a boat so she can look for her
missing kin-folk. But Marybeth also knows the true story of
the haunted swamp, that of the disfigured man-creature,
Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder), and when their swamp boat runs
aground, she also pretty much knows their fate.
Sure enough, our bumbling group stumble upon whatís left
of Victorís shack and commit nearly every horror movie
mistake including classic blunders like: They split up; They
make noise when the killer is near; They injure the killer
then run away rather than finish the job; They, well, I
think you get the point. But itís all well and good for
"Hatchet" because from the start of the movie you donít get
the feeling those making the movie are trying to get overly
creative, just trying to make a movie in the same vein of
the old horror classics we know and love.
The first thirty minutes of set-up kind of drag, but once
our "destined for death by maniacal means" group finds the
swamp, "Hatchet" kicks into a fun-filled horror fest with
tons of blood and gore (okay, the first thirty minutes did
have the nudity, so I guess it wasnít that bad). The acting
is exactly what you want in a horror film like this, you get
lots of quality nudity, and even though the movie is titled
"Hatchet," Victor Crowley doesnít use it that much to kill
those in our tour group, his bare hands are just as
head-splitting, and when it comes to originality in the gore
department, the gas-powered belt sander is just a joy.
For folks like my sister "Hatchet" will probably scare
the crap out of them, but for folks like my niece, "Hatchet"
might just prove a fun time watching a movie. The blood and
gore are over the top, there is a lot of blatant nudity, and
Victor Crowley is a great horror dude. Itís 3 Ĺ stars out of
5 because it gives you exactly what you will probably expect
from a movie called "Hatchet," and had the beginning of the
movie been a little stronger, it would have easily hit 4 or
4 Ĺ stars.
As far as the special DVD features, I found it surprising
that the Gag Reel portion wasnít that funny, actually having
more to do about gagging, and quite honestly, I donít have
time to watch the movie over again with the commentary
track. However, I found the "Meeting Victor Crowley" and
"Anatomy of a Kill" features fascinating, especially Kane
Hodderís methodology for introducing the monster to the
actors, and the use of actual special effects rather than
CGI was refreshing.
And lastly, as much as my summary table lists some
favorite quotes from the movie, my favorite quote from the
entire DVD is from Adam Green, the writer and director of
"Hatchet," when talking about PG-13 horror movies. It is
simply - "If Iím not going to see some nudity and some gore,
donít waste my time." My sentiments exactly. "Hatchet"
didnít waste my time.
Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!!