Movie Stats & Links
||Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Dwight Yoakam
Lions Gate Films
||Only if you want
them addicted to Red Bull.
||If she can
appreciate this type of film.
||It's out in the
open in Chinatown, and is pretty funny, and there are also
lots of boobs.
||Does cutting off a
dudes hand and blowing his brains out sound violent enough.
||Quite a few
||I'll just put it
this way: Chev, facing the bad guys, pretends his hand
is a gun, and then Verona drops a load in his pants.
||Eve: "Don't talk
to him like that. My boyfriend kills people."
||Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor
Gary Lucchesi, Tom Rosenberg, Skip
Williamson, Richard Wright, Richard S. Wright
A Movie Review
From some of the other reviews I have scanned for
"Crank," a lot of reviewers seem to be trying to compare
this movie to the 1950ís "D.O.A.," more on the aspect of
"See, I can appreciate film noir. I am a hoity-toity
reviewer and know film, and you donít." Hereís the problem,
these movies are two different animals. "D.O.A." is a murder
mystery where the dude who gets poisoned doesnít know who
killed him and has to figure it out. In "Crank," Chev
Chelios (Jason Statham) knows exactly who poisoned him, and
heís going to do all that he can to get revenge before he
dies, and heís got to do it quickly. Letís goÖ
Chev wakes up one morning to find he is feeling out of
sorts. Stumbling around his apartment he finds a new DVD
with a nice invitation to view it. Upon viewing he finds
that he has been poisoned by the bad dude, Verona (Jose
Pablo Cantillo), with some wacky, Chinese, synthetic poison,
and Chev has about an hour to live. Not too happy, he takes
it out on the TV, bolts his apartment, tries to contact his
doctor and girlfriend, and sort of starts to figure out that
if he keeps things pumping, he feels better. So itís a race
to see if Chev can stay amped up long enough to track down
Verona and get some revenge. And get some revenge he does,
along with finding out that he has been betrayed, yet still
knowing he has one trump card to play.
Driving, running, crashing, shooting, and cleavering his
way around Los Angeles, his doctor, Doc (Dwight Yoakam)
gives Chev some ways for him to stay alive a little while
longer, Chev seeks out his "epitome of a blond joke
girlfriend," Eve (Amy Smart), to give her the bad news,
finds out that using too much epinephrine can give you a
raging boner, and does his best "Blues Brothers driving
through a mall" imitation. Eventually, of course, he finds
Verona, and his double-crossing ex-boss, Carlito (Carlos
Sanz), and plays his trump card, pretty much causing Verona
to drop a load in his pants.
The premise of "Crank" is simple Ė Chev canít slow down
or he will die, and he finds lots of ways to keep going,
including finding out that thereís nothing like some
out-in-the-open sex to get the heart pumping. The thing that
I liked about the movie, and whether intended or not, is
that the movie doesnít take itself seriously. Itís about
speed and keeping your heart racing which means itís about
car chases, overdosing on epinephrine, stealing all of the
Red Bull from the convenience store, stealing a cops
motorcycle out from under him, and having sex. Itís also
about a dingbat girlfriend, a quirky doctor, and some pretty
Go to "Crank" expecting some over-the-top fun mixed with
some neat plot twists, some quality kills, and gratuitous
nudity, a well-placed playing of Loverboy's "Turn Me Lose,"
and youíll get what you pay for. Go to "Crank" expecting the
"film noir" of "D.O.A." and you will probably hate it. I
liked it and give it 3 Ĺ stars out of 5.
Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!!