[Editor's Note: Stu Gotz is Stu Gotz, and Stu Gotz
likes to ramble sometimes, but hey, what would a concert experience
be without rambling. If you want to know how Tori's show was, jump
directly to "Seriously Folks," do not read about a Hog's
Heaven or Piano Benches. But, if you want to know why I still can't
figure out why I send Stu to these, for no better way of putting it,
female-esque shows, read the entire thing. Just don't say I didn't
warn you. - The Dude on the Right]
with The Willy
A Concert Review
June 6, 1996
and Photos by:
So Much for First Impressions?
I'm in Hog Heaven!
Willy Can Play Guitar (but kan he reed)?
Hog Heaven - Part II!
I Want to be a Piano Bench in my Next Life!
Before I begin I just want to say: Tori Amos is on
weird fucked-up chick! But that's good! We'll come back to that
thought later ...
I got turned on to Tori Amos several years ago when her song
"Crucify" was getting a lot of play. I picked up a four
song CD of hers with that song right away. Then, a little time down
the road I picked up the CD "Y Kant Tori Read." It's then
that I formed the opinion that Tori, although very talented, was a
strange act and definitely an acquired taste. Awhile back my car got
broken into and those CD's were stolen. Too bad, because I think I
was just beginning to really like her style. So anyway, I have gone
Tori-less for some time now, and it had really started to slip my
mind how far out there she is.
an angry woman and it shows up in her music. She's not a "burnt
by love psycho bitch" like Alanas, but she does have her
problems with the male race. This being the case, I'm sot sure why
The Dude on the Right (E-Ave's Editor) would send me, a "self
proclaimed sexist pig, former beer guzzling frat guy" to cover
a Feminist Nazi show. Maybe he thought something would happen. I'm
not quite sure.
So Much For First
I showed up at the Rosemont Theater (which has the nicest and
cleanest theater bathrooms I've ever pinched a loaf in) about 4:50
because the press was going to be allowed to shoot Tori's sound
check. When I walk up, I saw Tori outside talking to fans.
"What a cool thing to do" I thought to myself. I tried to
get a picture of this thinking it would look cool in the review with
pictures of Tori and her fans, but a little long hair Neo-Natzi got
in my face and said "No press photos! Go inside. I'll deal with
you later." "Up yours asshole!" I thought to myself
and went inside. About 5:05pm I could hear a piano play. Then, after
a few minutes of this I could hear Tori crackle out the song
"Corn Flake Girl." It was now 5:20 and the other photog's
and I were still waiting... and we waited... and waited. Finally,
around 5:40pm, Uncle Adolf came around. (SIDE NOTE: All the photog's
had to be cleared and one guy from a large local paper wasn't on the
list. When asked his name he replied with a name shared by a famous
actor. Everyone chuckled, and Adolf questioned the name jokingly,
but Tom found no humor in his name. In fact Cruze got quite bent.
Hey T.C.. You got it easy. Do you know what Stu Gotz means in
Italian? Try growing up on the south-side of Chicago with my name).
Anyway, "When I nod," Adolf said, "you may begin
taking pictures... If you take a picture before this I will escort
will perform one song for you... When I say 'thank you' you will
stop taking pictures... Are we clear?" I'm thinking to myself
this guy's an ass and who the hell does Tori think she is -
So, I go in and get ready. Tori comes out and says
"hi." Then she positions herself, begins to play, we get
the nod, and the flashes fly for about two minutes. Then, just as
I'm trying to get in a second roll, Adolf says "thank you"
and Tori walked off stage. Quite honestly she seemed put off by the
whole thing. Well forgive me if I'm interrupting you while you have
better things to do Ms. Amos!
Needless to say the whole shoot left a bad taste in my mouth so I
headed across the street and found a friendly bar tender named Linda
to serve me up a couple of beers. I normally would never drink while
working, but I was really ticked off. About 40 minutes and five
beers later I headed back to catch the show.
I'm In Hog Heaven!
I still had a little time to kill so I mingled with the crowd
awhile. I sparked up a conversation with this punky little chick
named Stacey. She had come there with her "roommates," but
didn't really care all that much for Tori. At that point neither did
I. She said she did find Tori "extremely sexy." Whoa!!!
Red Light and Bells!!! Call me lesbian fixated if you must, but when
a girl calls another girl "extremely sexy" with a devilish
grin on her face, the thought of saying "Great! Why don't the
three of us get together and do the horizontal Lambada?" runs
through my mind. Unfortunately, my beer balls had worn off at that
point. I was, however, sober enough to truly appreciate all the
tight and revealing fashions of the evening. Not since my last
Aerosmith concert have I seen so much desirable snatch.
Willy Can Play Guitar (but
kan he reed?)
Well enough with the flirting. It was time to catch the show. I
hadn't expected Tori to have an opening act but she did. Some fairly
entreating cheese heads (the guys were from Milwaukee) came on stage
promptly at 7:30 pm. They called themselves the "Willy Porter
Band" and the lead singers name was... That's right! You
guessed it! Willy Porter. Willy is a pretty impressive acoustic
guitarist and I was amazed to see that his drummer played a three
piece set with only a hi-hat and splash for cymbals. These guys had
a pretty cool middle of the road rock sound and played for exactly
one-half hour. I thought the Willy Porter Band was pretty good and
would have liked to have heard more, but her divaness was due out.
So I'll just have to be content to catch them on WXRT and WLUP (two
Chicago radio stations that play their stuff). I give the Willy
Porter Band ONE BIG THUMB UP.
Hog Heaven Part II
After Willy I went outside to flirt some more, and that's when I
saw her. A voluptuous babe in the latest tight fitting,
retro-polyester fashion. I approached her and saw that she had a
great smile and eyes too. I was in lust. I sparked up a conversation
by asking her equally attractive friend "so did you like
Willy?". Erin had a mixed response about Willy and compared him
to an Irish singer named Martin Stevenson. Ok... For the sake of
talkingto these two beauties I'll buy that. As I continued to talk
to the lovelies I tried to keep eye contact with Kristin (yes two
i's), but I don't think I was too successful. My testosterone levels
were at a critical point, and I was about to bust a nut! Thank God I
had to stop talking to the ladies because the show was about to
I Want To Be A Piano Bench
In My Next Life
I had never seen Tori in concert before so I wasn't quite sure
what to expect. Ms. Amos made a graceful entrance and proceeded to
play the shit out of her piano. When this girl plays, she has a hard
time keeping her ass in place. For her entire one hour and forty
minute set she straddled the piano bench facing the audience in such
a way that if she was to wear a skirt without panties you'd be able
to see the promised land. Add that to the fact that when she plays
she gyrates her hips and grinds her holiest of holies into the
bench. It's like she's having sex or something.
you call me mentioning how high my testosterone levels were? Well,
watching Tori masturbate on the bench made me want to pull a PeeWee
Herman. God did I want a cigarette and I don't even smoke!
All joking aside, Tori Amos is a real talent. Not only can she
play the hell out a piano, but she also has great vocal range - she
can hit those squeaky highs and those husky lows. Watching and
listening her perform made me think of the movie Amadaus. Why? She
reminds me of the mad genius and tortured soul that Mozart was
portrayed to be in that movie. By taking time out to talk to the
audience and share a couple of stories, Tori demonstrated that she
did have more of a personality than I had given her credit for. I
didn't find her stories, or her, quite as charming as I found Jewel
to be, but I think Ms. Amos is genuine in her sincerity.
A Tori Amos concert is not for everyone. If you're a fanatical
Bible banging Baptist then definitely stay away, you're bound to
faint in an aisle! So who is good for a Tori Amos show? I think she
appeals to other tortured souls who are looking for an outlet for
their aggression (how's that for dime store psychiatry). What that
means is this: If you're looking for deep meaningful lyrics
complimented by a piano ranging from classical to abstract in style
then Tori Amos is for you.
I liked Tori's performance. I'm still not convinced that she's
not a diva bitch, but regardless of my personal feelings, the
audience truly loved her so I give Tori Amos TWO BIG THUMBS UP!