Even though it’s normally a day for a Weekend Wrap-Up Podcast with Stu Gotz, The Dude on the Right and Stu couldn’t figure out how to meet up today so The Dude on the Right handles the podcast duty flying solo. The Dude apologizes for his choice of words in yesterday’s blog, which he has since edited, but doesn’t apologize for liking the new “Rambo” movie. But mostly TV is on the mind of The Dude and he thinks it’s time for MTV to change its name because seriously, what do constant “America’s Next Top Model” marathons have to do with music?
The Dude on the Right is already flabbergasted at how strange 2008 has been, and it’s only ten days in. For this podcast he leaves the family stuff for later but instead delves into Britney Spears and Dr. Phil, wants The Academy Awards to go on but only if the writers get their stuff, and now that Sony/BMG is going to let Amazon sell music/mp3s with no copyright protection, why no love yet for Apple who, sure, wanted to sell a bunch of iPods, but showed the world some people would actually buy music over the internet.
The Dude is also flustered by the elections and the influence Iowa and New Hampshire have on the entire picking a President process, but he has at least 11 reasons why he is looking forward to this season of “Survivor: Micronesia.”
For this podcast The Dude on the Right is flying solo and gives his take on this entire Ellen DeGeneres dog crap, is in the corner of the “Mutts and Moms” people, and thinks the problem might not be the dog, it might be the cats. He also is baffled at how Britney Spears can still be screwing things up with her custody issues and practically begs her to move out of California. With the death of Joey Bishop, well, The Dude is sad to see the last of The Rat Pack go, long live The Rat Pack.
And of course, most importantly for him, screw the “feel-good” team of the Colorado Rockies getting to The World Series, for him it’s “Go Tribe!”
For this podcast episode of “Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up!” Stu Gotz is trying to deal with his allergies, and his weekend was sort of boring except he is amazed at the ability of his son to recognize various smells. The Dude on the Right saw “Shoot ‘Em Up,” but for the most part the boys talk about the MTV Video Music Awards that had Britney Spears not losing her mom-ass yet, and Sarah Silverman doing stand-up that would have went over great in a club, just not so much at the award show. At least The Dude didn’t have to talk much about watching the Chicago Bears and the Chicago Cubs both lose.
I have gone past my period of mourning and am now into afternoon over Anna
Nicole Smith. I realized that I could not make a convincing argument that I was
the father of her daughter. Too bad. I also have not been able to place any of
my sperm-toting buddies in the same room with her at any point of time to claim
they are the father.
It does seem a damn shame this was never a
nor "Maury Povich"
episode ‘cuz I love a good paternity fight. Think about it! It would have been
great to see Zsa Zsa up there crying, with mascara rolling down her face, while
Prince Zsa Zsa claimed the baby as his love child. Oh, and let’s not forget good
ole Howard K Stern. I figured he would be picking up a chair and throwing it at
the ex-boyfriend calling him a liar. The whole time Anna would be attempting to
say something that did not sound like "mumbled ramblings." Too bad!
Every time I see Jerry or Maury have a good ole paternity fight I have to
chuckle. I mean loosing track of who you slept with at the same time as getting
pregnant has got to be embarrassing, especially when the 3-4 guys that "have to
be" the father turn out not to be. Oops, my bad. Guess it was the 6th guy (condoms
might be a good idea at this point).
I know sex is fun, but Ladies, have some self respect. A little spermicide
with a rubber policeman (to serve and protect) goes a looooooonnnng way. If you
do not like that idea, then keeping a calendar of who you banged, and when,
could be. This might just help keep track of the papa to be.
I also wonder why a guy would ever trust a woman in the pregnancy department
anyway. I wouldn’t, and I am a woman. Hell, your clock is ticking; the eggs are
running out, you think you are becoming an old hag that no one loves – What will
fix that??? Oh, a baby will! Remember guys, there are actually girls out there
that will advise their friends to get pregnant to trap the guy. Breaking news,
this is not an old wive’s tale, it actually happens (seen it, heard it,
witnessed it)! Tell ya one thing: NEVER TRUST A WOMAN. Unless of course she is a
millionaire, then who cares if you knock her up….she will either pay for your
silence or pay you to play daddy. Can’t lose there, can you?
Now, boys, if you’re the millionaire you can guarantee a baby is coming out
of that deal. Holy crap! That is the jackpot, you will definitely pay for her
silence or, …wait, …there is no other option, you WILL pay for her silence. As
you can tell I am on the boy’s side of this argument, mostly because I am tired
of idiots reproducing. The world is screwed up with most of us in it, why do we
think making a contribution of our genes will make it better? Please, there
should be a screening process. Idiots get fixed (hey, if it is okay for dogs why
not people?) and non-idiots are paired up with another non-idiots to make them
Now wait, I do have to take a moment and feel bad for the baby girl of Anna
Nicole, Dannielynn. She did not ask to be born to the fucked up situation,
although some words of encouragement for her…. it could be worse, Mommy could be
Britney Spears! Hmmm, do I see Britney filling the void Anna left behind! Hell
yes, and I cannot wait to see and read more.
The Dude on the Right
Maybe it’s the cold weather, maybe it’s something I ate, but for whatever reason
I find myself sidelined from my Super Bowl watching plans by some kind of
stomach flu, complete with a slight fever. So as I’m curled up here on my couch,
waiting for the game to start, I am forcing myself through the pre-game
coverage, and figured I would type a quick blog.
My Super Bowl viewing plans
were pretty simple, and pretty much the same as it has been for the last half a
dozen years: Hop in the dude-mobile and watch the game at Dewey, my
accountant’s, house with his friends and family. I even had some hors ‘d oeuvres
to bring, and had I felt better yesterday, I probably would have attempted this
fabulous peach cream cheese cake/pie thing. So, instead, I’ll probably heat up
the hors ‘d oeuvres for myself, so I don’t have to cook, and just stay curled up
under a blanket on my couch.
But a couple of observations I have had while watching the pre-game coverage
have really struck me. One is, and no breaking bad on Stevie Nicks, but what the
hell was she doing there, singing "Stand Back," which is from like 1983. I also
hope some producer or director is getting chewed out for the ending of the
"Baghdad Bowl" segment. All was going well, we got to see the soldiers playing
some flag football, then there was the nice "letting some of them give
shout-outs back home," and as Randy Cross was introducing the climactic moment
of the segment, with all of the soldiers yelling "Hello back home, we love you!"
someone cut back to James Brown, asking an inane question if any of the soldiers
might want to be football players, then cutting back to the soldiers, then Randy
Cross doing his best to wrap-up the segment. Randy Cross had the perfect ending
for the segment; too bad J.B. couldn’t keep his mouth shut.
And finally, a message to Bobby Flay, who was doing the food segment. First
off, from everything I’ve been able to find on the Internet in my two minute
search, Indianapolis is famous for its breaded pork tenderloin sandwich. You
came up with corn, proceeding to now highlight a corn-dog, and I believe it was
a butterscotch pie. Then you moved to Chicago, where you spotlighted the
sandwich and the
Style Hot Dog. Both good choices, but in my now 21 years living in the
Chicago area, I have never heard of putting mustard, nor red peppers on the
Italian beef. From what I know there are only three things you add to your
Italian beef: Green sweet pepper slices, hot giardiniera, and/or more juice. And
I don’t know what bread you were using, but it also isn’t served on bread/roll
that is sliced all the way through like a submarine sandwich, it is sliced
half-way through to conveniently hold the beef and peppers, until, of course,
the juice soaks through, the bread disintegrates, and the beef and peppers end
up on your plate or tie. And your Chicago Style Hot Dog needs some work, also.
You do not put chopped tomatoes on the hot dog, you put tomato slices, and you
also forgot two other major ingredients, the Kosher dill pickle spear and the
sport peppers. And you also forgot to mention that in no instance are you to add
ketchup to the Chicago hot dog.
Well, I should wrap this up and get wrapped back up on the couch. And Bobby
Flay, can I recommend two things? One is Google (look up "famous Indianapolis
food") and Wikipedia, which gives detailed info on both the Chicago hot dog and
the Italian beef, as well as that breaded pork tenderloin.
That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
Last week, in a nutshell, wasn’t too bad.
First there was news of the
Doomsday Clock moving
5 minutes before midnight. Now at first I was a little concerned, I mean this
clock is counting down to the end of the world – shouldn’t we all be stockpiling
food and water? This has to be as bad as Y2K, right? Well isn’t it? Oh wait; I
have no idea what the hell the Doomsday Clock is! Apparently I live under a rock
because this is a very important turn of events. After a quick search on the
information superhighway all is revealed. I found out that I don’t know anything
about this clock because I missed every issue of the Bulletin of the Atomic
Scientists, since 1947. Whew! I was really worried. Somehow that information was
Britney Spears not wearing underwear while out partying. Which makes me
wonder why in the world are a bunch of geeks changing time on a clip-art clock
every time they decide some nuclear threat has changed (did I mention it is an
arbitrary decision). Oh I know! They are
"experts." Need I say more……?
Then there is the start of
American Idol. Now I
must admit I do not care for the actual competition, I like to see the
auditions. I mean come on; can you believe there are people who don’t realize
they suck as bad as they do? I love the contestants that go up there, sing like
goats being tortured, and cry when Simon tells them the truth. How is it
possible that people can go through life actually thinking they have the best
voice on the planet? Do all of their friends and families actually think they
are good? Aren’t they supposed to love ya, or at least want to protect the
family name? It is mind-boggling. From what I can tell the only person who
actually loves these people (or humanity) is Simon. Hell, he will actually look
you in the face and tell you the truth. There should be less bashing of Simon
and more bashing of the uncaring family members who would rather you be
publicly humiliated then tell you, in private, that you can’t sing.
To round off my week I successfully took my demon dog to the vet. Now you
have to experience my demon dog to truly understand the success of this event.
My demon will bite just about anyone, at anytime, because you only thought about
touching her (I have scars to prove it). Now since her demonic behavior did not
appear until I had her for over 2 years, I couldn’t get rid of her because,
well, she was my demon dog. So, after extensive training and Prozac (for me and
the dog), I have been able to control most of her anger issues. This last one
was a stress free trip to the vet (for me not her). Face it, what dog wants
needles and fingers stuck in their butt? Usually this trip consists of a few
sedatives and three to four vet assistances holding her still. This time, after
five minutes and only three angry snaps at my hands, I was able to get a muzzle
on her. This was then followed by a calm, quiet, sober dog taking a shot in her
butt, and allowing fingers up her butt, without so much as a whimper. Could this
mean the exorcism worked? Only time will tell.
For this podcast The Dude on the Right agrees with Howard Stern that Caroline Rhea, the host of “The Biggest Loser,” ruined the emotional moment when Erik won, he also tries to remind people about the plight of the Nauga, and wonders why he doesn’t see movies in the drama category of the Golden Globes.