It’s “Mariah Carey is in The House!” in Your Best Randy Jackson Impression Week

By:

The Dude on the Right

I used to be a fan of Mariah Carey back in her singing days, when she was
soulful and just different enough from Whitney Houston to make me like them
both.  Now she seems to be a lot more about club and dance music, but I guess
that’s where the money is at.  She’s the mentor of this sad-sack of
singers, and, fine, most of them aren’t sad sacks, but most of them really need
to learn how to perform because they can already sing.  I wonder if Kristy
Lee Cook will turn a Mariah song into a country song… I guess we’ll find out
as the show goes along.

Let’s go…

David
Archuleta
 
– Sings – "When You Believe" by Mariah/Whitney?
 – Mariah thinks his singing is just beautiful, and David keeps things slow,
which has become his forte.  Nice leather pants, he knows his element and
is working it (though I would like to see him branch out and try to rock). 
Right now the biggest problem I have with him is he can’t open up his eyes
enough to look like he is confident.  He’s a squinty guy.  Hopefully
being first won’t hurt him so people don’t forget about him by the end of the
night.

Carly Smithson
– Sings – "Without You" by Badfinger/Harry Nilsson
– She covered up the tattoo, which is nice, and she picked a song that isn’t
really a Mariah song which lets her sort of get out the shadow of Mariah for us
older folks.  She did good, looks better tonight as a singer, but this is a
song that needs a performance, which she didn’t give.  Her hope is that
Mom’s are remember this song from its original heyday, and vote for her.

Syesha Mercado
 
– Sings – "Vanishing" by, well, Mariah Carey
 – Sings nice enough, but this song doesn’t lead one to be a performer.  I
think I’m stuck on the performer part because so far, for the many weeks, no one
is looking to be one.  She’s "whoa, a whoa, a whoa-ing" all over the place,
but even though she sang nice enough, where is the being a star?

Brook White
 
– Sings – "Hero" by, umm, Mariah Carey
 – Boo hoo, so your sister didn’t plan her wedding properly to not interfere
with your being on "American Idol" plans.  She kept it in a key she could
sing, did the smart thing and stuck herself at the piano, which I liked but
don’t know if the public will like it.  She sang nice enough, but there are
only a few piano players who can connect with an audience, and she’s not there
yet.  And she still won’t shut the hell up when the judges give their
opinions, and now there is some kind of reference to a juicy burger in a bun. 
Hmm?

Kristy Lee Cook
 – Sings – "Forever" by, let me guess, Mariah Carey
 – What the hell kind of hug was that, the one she gave to Mariah?  The key
seems to be to sing songs no one knows on Mariah Carey night, which makes us not
give a damn.  You know what, we want to compare these people to Mariah
Carey, and we want them to sing Mariah songs we know even if they are from over
ten years ago.  She still looks good, the performance was bland, but I
don’t mind her sticking around because, well, she is purty and probably has a
nice career ahead of her on the country side if she doesn’t screw it up.

David Cook
 
– Sings "Always Be My Baby" by damn, Mariah Carey, again.
 – Yup, the dudes do have it easier this night because there is no way we want
to compare them to Mariah.  His problem is the key seems wrong, just a tad
too low, so he can’t punch it up to the level this song could be.  He tried
to do it at the end, but it’s either too flat or too sharp (I always had
problems figuring that out).  Sorry David, Daughtry would have done this
right.  I guess it sounded better in the studio because Simon, Paula, and
Randy loved it.  I found him droning. 

Jason Castro
 –
Sings – "I Don’t Wanna Cry" by, who would have guessed, Mariah
Carey.
 – Good enough, especially for the last song so everyone will remember him, but
as nice as it sounded I found him boring as hell.  It must sound better in
the studio than on TV because even Simon like him.

Let’s wrap this up…

I’m
past the singing part because all of us know these folks can sing otherwise how
in the hell did they get here, and thankfully Kristy Lee Cook seems to have
gotten over her "not being able to sing" stage and is starting to dress hotter,
but the bad part about this year is none of them are transforming themselves
into performers.  The other crappy part is that they don’t need a singing
mentor, like Mariah Carey, pimping her new album, nope, these boys and girls
actually need someone who can teach them to the next level, of how to touch the
audience, and as much as I’ve been pimping Bruce Springsteen showing up on
"American Idol," I’m thinking Neil Diamond, who has a new album coming out that
he can promote, might not be that bad a choice, either.  Skip the "Here’s
how to sing" crap, let’s get to "Here’s how to perform."

That’s it for this one! 
I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

  • Jake

    I thought Mariah was by FAR the best mentor I have ever seen on the show. As a singer, producer, and songwriter, Mariah knows her stuff. She gave them some good tips—and as you saw they took them. And Mariah seemed really nice and genuine with the kids–quite refreshing if you ask me.