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The 13th Warrior
Movie Stats & Links |
| Starring: |
Antonio Banderas, Omar Sharif |
| MPAA Rated: |
R |
| Released By: |
Buena Vista Home Video |
| Kiddie Movie: |
Nope. Not one for the kids. |
| Date Movie: |
She might snuggle at the scary parts. |
| Gratuitous Sex: |
I don't remember any, but there might have
been some. |
| Gratuitous
Violence: |
Heads get chopped off. |
| Action: |
See "Violence." |
| Laughs: |
Nope. |
| Memorable
Scene: |
Nope. |
| Memorable
Quote: |
None. |
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The 13th Warrior
A Movie/DVD Review |
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Video Rated - R |
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It's 1:43 Long |
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| A Review by |
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Stu
Gotz |
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"The 13th Warrior" was supposed to be a swash-buckling
movie about an Arab (Banderas) poet/ambassador drawn into a Norse,
folk-like conflict. Aside from the star appeal brought to this movie
by Antonio Banderas, the movie also, just briefly, starred Omar
Shariff. This should have been a good movie. It wasn't and I had a
lot of problems with this movie.
For starters, why would Antonio's character, Ibn, allow himself to
be caught up into this Norse conflict. There he was, sitting in a
tent, watching in disgust while the Norse tribesmen washed
themselves with the same dirty water, and then a little kid comes
in. The child tells of how his father's kingdom is under siege by an
old, folk-legend terror. Not wanting to make a decision without
proper council, the Norse almost king brings in an old, snaggle-tooth,
soothsayer hag. She flings some bones and tells the the dude he
should send 13 warriors. Men begin to volunteer until there are 12
and snaggle-puss says the 13th dude must not be a man from the
North. All eyes turn to Antonio. Now if that were me I'd say
"Good luck boy's, I got to go!" and I'd be out that tent
faster then that dude in the Lynyrd Skynyrd song "Gimme Three
Steps." But no… Antonio goes. I for one am not buying that.
So that would be hole number one. No actually number two, because
what the hell is an Arab doing with a Latin accent?!?
So sure enough the far off kingdom is being plagued by a mystic
legend of bear-like people with a taste for human flesh. To add to
the King of the region's trouble, his son is a defiant asshole!!!
Now at this point in the movie I thought for sure we were going to
be treated to a sub-plot of how King Jr. wants to take over pop's
crown and that is why the bear-like people have appeared out of
nowhere after 50-odd years. Is Jr behind it? Actually, the movie
doesn't go that way at all. Instead they set up the defiant son
thing and don't do a thing with it. Furthermore, as it turns out,
the bear people have been there all along - they've just waited all
this time to come out and look for food. Problems 2 & 3. Shall I
go on? Well, when all is said and done the bear people are
vanquished and Antonio rides off into the sunset. Yeah! It's over!!!
The movie that is.
I didn't really like "The 13th Warrior." For me it was
pretty average and belonged on TV, and I guess it would be an OK
rental if all else is out. I give "The 13th Warrior" 2 out
of 5 stars. There are better rentals and I'm Stu Gotz. Nuff' said! |
