Well, wedding season is upon us, and I have received my first wedding
invitation of the season. As I was filling in the RSVP I was wondering how much
one of these "celebrations" cost people nowadays. According to USA Today the
average wedding is $27,852. Holy hell!!! Do you know what one could do with that
kind of cash???? Here are some better things one could do with $27,852
first-class-all-the-way vacation to someplace not as exotic.
retire, hopefully a year or two earlier.
Any way you look at it there are a whole lot of things better one could do
with the money then feed your fat, bastard friends and family. Mind you this
$27,852 price tag also takes into account you invited 400 people. (That actually
seems kind of cheap to me, $69.63 per person – I suppose if you could convince
each guest to pony up $100 and not buy you a crystal bowl then maybe getting
married might not be a bad idea.) Sorry, I digressed. Now who knows 400 people
that they actually like enough to feed and get liquored up??? Anyone?? I don’t
think I could possibly think of 100 people I like enough to feed and buy
numerous round of drinks for. What a scam?
But wait… I also discovered a bigger wedding scam in my search. I found
you can actually buy wedding insurance. Now whomever thought of that was a
genius, getting the idea to once again capitalize on the entire wedding
"tradition." It looks like you can pay money to cover wedding costs for a
drunken family member busting a hip while dancing the Macarena, death or illness
of one of the love birds, a runaway bride, wardrobe mishaps, and even the cost
of redoing those precious photos because you hired your cousin to take those
photos and they got lost in his drunken partying. Got to admit this is the
biggest scam next to selling vitamins or cleaning products!
Now I know there are some people out there saying, "Oh, Trash, you are just
bitter cuz you ain’t married." My answer: "Thank heavens!" I cannot imagine
spending that kind of cash on something, especially adding the religious
ceremony aspect to it. I don’t go to church and plunk down that kind of dough to
be preached at, so why do it now??? Let us not forget that what actually makes
you married is when you sign a legal contract with the government stating that
you want to be tied to another human being for the rest of your life. So the
next time you are heading off to a wedding, go ahead and toss the same amount of
money in that wedding envelope that you would when you attend church on Sunday.
Oh, in my case I guess that means… Nothing!
Thinking about it, though, if
I ever do get married, maybe I’ll just put on the wedding invite what I think is
an appropriate gift, probably about 60% above what the blessed event is actually
costing me. That would pay for a nice, exotic vacation, I mean honeymoon,
on top of it all. Would that be tacky?