You Don't Mess With the Zohan
Movie Stats & Links
||Adam Sandler, George Takei, John
Turturro, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Rob Schneider, Michael Buffer
||Please leave them
at home. This movie will not lead them to be a great
||Only if she is an
uber Adam Sandler fan.
||Lots and lots and
lots and lots of innuendo and not even innuendo.
||Zohan outswims a
||The George Takei
||"I beg your
cleavage as pardon."
||Adam Sandler, Jack Giarraputo
I used to think I liked Adam Sandler movies, but after
seeing "You Donít Mess with the Zohan," and flipping through
my recent reviews of Sandler movies, Iím starting to second
guess my liking Adam Sandler movies. Sure, "Zohan" is bound
to make millions, but even I am starting to wonder why.
Letís get to the storyÖ
You Don't Mess With the Zohan
A Movie Review
Adam Sandler is Zohan, an Israeli soldier who has mad
skills but is frustrated at the everlasting war with the
Palestians, especially since he just wants to be a
hairdresser. As such he fakes his own death, stows away in a
crate with some dogs, and gets himself to New York City to
pursue his dream. When he canít get a job at the Paul
Mitchell Hair Salon, and then sticks up for a nerdy
bicyclist, he finds himself landing a job sweeping the
floors of Palestinian hairdresser Dalia, (Emmanuelle Chriqui).
Soon enough, though, he shows he has a talent for cutting
hair, but more importantly, making the older ladies feel
good, and suddenly heís the talk of the haircutting world,
is saving Daliaís shop from being taken over by the big, bad
developer Walbridge (would you believe played, innnnnnnn
thisssssssssssss corrrrrrnneerrrrrrrrr, by the boxing
ring announcer, Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiichael Buffffferrrrrrrrrrrrrr?), but this comedy isnít that
simple, nope, because Salim (Rob Schneider), who had his
goat stolen by the Zohan, spots our soldier, tries to kill
him with a Neosporin bomb, then contacts Zohanís
archenemies/terrorist, The Phantom (John Turturro).
So weíve got the nice plot of Zohan just trying to follow
his dream, then the sub-plot of being I.D.íd and his dream
now in jeopardy, and the sub-sub-plot of the bad developer
dude trying to run the locals out of the neighborhood so he
can put up his mega-mall, and, oh yea, did I forget to
mention Mariah Carey in probably an even more weird cameo
than that of Michael Buffer?
So if the story lines werenít a few too many, then there
is Adam Sandler and his other writers in total over-the-top,
almost like "Letís see how far we can take PG-13 by showing
a lot of bare-butts, having Zohan gyrate his crotch till the
joke isnít funny anymore, have another sub-plot that part of
Zohan's giving a great haircut includes taking the ladies into a
back room to give them a happy ending, and you know what
else would be funny, a hacky-sack tournament!"
The bummer part is that there was a ton of potential for
this concept of a movie, the trailer showed some of the
funny of that concept, but they just went for the stupid
laughs (we find that Zohanís wiener isnít as large as the
bulge in his pants suggests, but instead Zohanís "bush" is
out of control, and it supposedly pleases the ladies because
it creates a cushion), and for the life of me, Iím still not
understanding the hummus joke.
I actually liked the Zohan character but could have done
without the dumbness of the sex jokes, and from the
creativity that should be Adam Sandler, Robert Smigel, and
Judd Apatow, that was a trifecta that screamed "funny."
Maybe their problem was having to figure out a way to make
the sex-side funny to keep the movie PG-13, for the Adam
Sandler crowd, and that inhibited them, but if thatís the
case, next time writer dudes, skip the writing.
The only thing that really made me laugh was a scene with
George Takei, but even that wonít make much sense if you
donít know Mr. Takeiís sexual orientation.
Iíve come to realize that Adam Sandler movies, at least
lately, seem to be all about the potential of the movie and
never on the final product, which is too bad because there
seems to always be a lot of potential. Itís 1 Ĺ Stars out of
5 for "You Donít Mess with the Zohan."
Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!!