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You Don't Mess With the Zohan
Movie Stats & Links

Starring: Adam Sandler, George Takei, John Turturro, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Rob Schneider, Michael Buffer
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Web Site:
Kiddie Movie: Please leave them at home.  This movie will not lead them to be a great Israeli soldier.
Date Movie: Only if she is an uber Adam Sandler fan.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots and lots and lots and lots of innuendo and not even innuendo.
Gratuitous Violence: Slapstick stuff.
Action: Zohan outswims a wave runner.
Laughs: Ehh.
Memorable Scene: The George Takei cameo.
Memorable Quote: "I beg your cleavage as pardon."
Directed By: Dennis Dugan
Produced By: Adam Sandler, Jack Giarraputo

You Don't Mess With the Zohan
A Movie Review

MPAA Rated - PG-13

It's 1:53 Long

A Review by
The Dude on the Right
I used to think I liked Adam Sandler movies, but after seeing "You Donít Mess with the Zohan," and flipping through my recent reviews of Sandler movies, Iím starting to second guess my liking Adam Sandler movies. Sure, "Zohan" is bound to make millions, but even I am starting to wonder why. Letís get to the storyÖ

Adam Sandler is Zohan, an Israeli soldier who has mad skills but is frustrated at the everlasting war with the Palestians, especially since he just wants to be a hairdresser. As such he fakes his own death, stows away in a crate with some dogs, and gets himself to New York City to pursue his dream. When he canít get a job at the Paul Mitchell Hair Salon, and then sticks up for a nerdy bicyclist, he finds himself landing a job sweeping the floors of Palestinian hairdresser Dalia, (Emmanuelle Chriqui). Soon enough, though, he shows he has a talent for cutting hair, but more importantly, making the older ladies feel good, and suddenly heís the talk of the haircutting world, is saving Daliaís shop from being taken over by the big, bad developer Walbridge (would you believe played, innnnnnnn thisssssssssssss corrrrrrnneerrrrrrrrr, by the boxing ring announcer, Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiichael Buffffferrrrrrrrrrrrrr?), but this comedy isnít that simple, nope, because Salim (Rob Schneider), who had his goat stolen by the Zohan, spots our soldier, tries to kill him with a Neosporin bomb, then contacts Zohanís archenemies/terrorist, The Phantom (John Turturro).

So weíve got the nice plot of Zohan just trying to follow his dream, then the sub-plot of being I.D.íd and his dream now in jeopardy, and the sub-sub-plot of the bad developer dude trying to run the locals out of the neighborhood so he can put up his mega-mall, and, oh yea, did I forget to mention Mariah Carey in probably an even more weird cameo than that of Michael Buffer?

So if the story lines werenít a few too many, then there is Adam Sandler and his other writers in total over-the-top, almost like "Letís see how far we can take PG-13 by showing a lot of bare-butts, having Zohan gyrate his crotch till the joke isnít funny anymore, have another sub-plot that part of Zohan's giving a great haircut includes taking the ladies into a back room to give them a happy ending, and you know what else would be funny, a hacky-sack tournament!"

The bummer part is that there was a ton of potential for this concept of a movie, the trailer showed some of the funny of that concept, but they just went for the stupid laughs (we find that Zohanís wiener isnít as large as the bulge in his pants suggests, but instead Zohanís "bush" is out of control, and it supposedly pleases the ladies because it creates a cushion), and for the life of me, Iím still not understanding the hummus joke.

I actually liked the Zohan character but could have done without the dumbness of the sex jokes, and from the creativity that should be Adam Sandler, Robert Smigel, and Judd Apatow, that was a trifecta that screamed "funny." Maybe their problem was having to figure out a way to make the sex-side funny to keep the movie PG-13, for the Adam Sandler crowd, and that inhibited them, but if thatís the case, next time writer dudes, skip the writing.

The only thing that really made me laugh was a scene with George Takei, but even that wonít make much sense if you donít know Mr. Takeiís sexual orientation.

Iíve come to realize that Adam Sandler movies, at least lately, seem to be all about the potential of the movie and never on the final product, which is too bad because there seems to always be a lot of potential. Itís 1 Ĺ Stars out of 5 for "You Donít Mess with the Zohan."

Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!


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