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The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie
Movie Stats & Links

Starring: The voices of: Phil Vischer, Mike Nawrocki, Cam Clarke
MPAA Rated: G
Released By: Universal Studios
Web Site:
Kiddie Movie: It's all for them.
Date Movie: Only if they are related to the children you are bringing.
Gratuitous Sex: I would like to say the Princess was hot, but really, how hot can a leek be?
Gratuitous Violence: Cartoonish.
Action: Some running, or rather I should say bouncing.
Laughs: For the kids.
Memorable Scene: Nope.
Memorable Quote: Nope.
Directed By: Mike Nawrocki
Produced By: David Pitts

The Pirates Who
Don't Do Anything:
A VeggieTales Movie

A Movie Review

MPAA Rated - G

It's 1:25 Long

A Review by
The Dude on the Right
In an attempt to keep my niece wholesome, and her coming upon her 17th birthday, I decided to be a good uncle. Instead of taking her and her family to R-rated films, films like "Saw II," "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan," and "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street," as I have done in the past, what better way to help her maintain her innocence then to see a movie with animated vegetables. So there we were, myself, my niece, and her family, having a private viewing of "The Pirates Who Donít do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie."

The premise of the movie is pretty simple Ė we have three vegetables in current time, Elliot (heís a cucumber), George (heís a grape Ė fine, not a vegetable, but there arenít too many vegetables to make into characters and calling it a "veggiefruitytales" movie would be too complicated, but Iím sorry, I digress), and Sedgewick (heís a gourd). They are stuck doing the crappy work at a dinner-theater, kind of like Medieval Times but with a pirate theme, and their shyness, laziness, and fear keep them from becoming more than just food servers. In the meantime, back in the 17th century, a crazy vegetable is looking to take over the kingdom, he starts by kidnapping the Prince, plots to kill the king, and needs to also get the Princess (sheís a leek). But the Princess has sent a "helpseeker," which dispenses a boat to our trio of wannabe heroes, they hop in the boat, press a button, and are transported back to the 17th century to save the day.

Okay, Iím going to leave the story at that because really itís not that important, especially as you try to grasp killer cheese curls. As someone who has never seen a VeggieTales cartoon, it is weird seeing animated characters swinging swords, climbing things, and manipulating things, all with no arms or hands. The moral part of the story (pretty much the King is supposed to be a figure for God I suppose) didnít really bug me, the animation was great, but this movie is really for the little ones, which pretty much means donít take your 17 year old niece to go and see it. For the kiddies itís probably a 3 Ĺ star kind of film, but for the adults you really have to sink yourself into the depths of children cartoon loving to enjoy this one. The only reason I say that is because my sister, who can usually sink herself to that depth, didnít care for the film. Iíll drop it one star for no entertainment for the adults, even for my sister, leaving "The Pirates Who Donít do Anything" with 2 Ĺ stars out of 5.

Take your kids but bring your iPod so you can listen to something else while they marvel at the pretty colors and are too young to know that a grape isnít a vegetable.

Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!


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