May 28, 2007
$27,852 - Throw a Wedding or Head to Fiji. You Can Have Both.
Well wedding season is upon us, and I have received my first wedding invitation of the season. As I was filling in the RSVP I was wondering how much one of these "celebrations" cost people nowadays. According to USA Today the average wedding is $27,852. Holy hell!!! Do you know what one could do with that kind of cash???? Here are some better things one could do with $27,852
Any way you look at it there are a whole lot of things better one could do with the money then feed your fat, bastard friends and family. Mind you this $27,852 price tag also takes into account you invited 400 people. (That actually seems kind of cheap to me, $69.63 per person – I suppose if you could convince each guest to pony up $100 and not buy you a crystal bowl then maybe getting married might not be a bad idea.) Sorry, I digressed. Now who knows 400 people that they actually like enough to feed and get liquored up??? Anyone?? I don’t think I could possibly think of 100 people I like enough to feed and buy numerous round of drinks for. What a scam?
But wait… I also discovered a bigger wedding scam in my search. I found you can actually buy wedding insurance. Now whomever thought of that was a genius, getting the idea to once again capitalize on the entire wedding "tradition." It looks like you can pay money to cover wedding costs for a drunken family member busting a hip while dancing the Macarena, death or illness of one of the love birds, a runaway bride, wardrobe mishaps, and even the cost of redoing those precious photos because you hired your cousin to take those photos and they got lost in his drunken partying. Got to admit this is the biggest scam next to selling vitamins or cleaning products!
Now I know there are some people out there saying, "Oh, Trash, you are just bitter cuz you ain’t married." My answer: "Thank heavens!" I cannot imagine spending that kind of cash on something, especially adding the religious ceremony aspect to it. I don’t go to church and plunk down that kind of dough to be preached at, so why do it now??? Let us not forget that what actually makes you married is when you sign a legal contract with the government stating that you want to be tied to another human being for the rest of your life. So the next time you are heading off to a wedding, go ahead and toss the same amount of money in that wedding envelope that you would when you attend church on Sunday. Oh, in my case I guess that means… Nothing!
Thinking about it, though, if I ever do get married, maybe I'll just put on the wedding invite what I think is an appropriate gift, probably about 60% above what the blessed event is actually costing me. That would pay for a nice, exotic vacation, I mean honeymoon, on top of it all. Would that be tacky?
See ya!
Trash :-)
Posted by Trash at 5:58 PM | Comments (0)
May 2, 2007
Why Are People Killing People? My Research says Global Warming.
Well it’s been awhile since my last "Trash" and the past few weeks have been pretty rough in the news. I mean we have not seen a drunken Britney sighting in weeks (except for the supposed lame concert she put on in L.A. yesterday) and at this point I would love to see Jessica Simpson shave her head just to bring humor back to the news. Instead we keep hearing about people killing people - Pretty much a bummer, so I needed to put some thought into this trash.
So what has gone all crazy these days that nut jobs are going around and shooting up people and places??? Think about it: There have been bullies for decades, there have been bad parents for decades, there have been video games since Atari, and we stressed over making sure aliens were dead or the asteroid was destroyed, but you didn’t see my generation freaking out. Much.
Soooooo, what changed?!?
Well it hit me like the smell of Britney's un-pantied crotch. Global Warming. I think some tax dollars need to be spent on this one - Global Warming I mean and not the smell of Britney’s un-pantied crotch, and maybe they could also throw some money on researching why people think all Catholics must like Notre Dame football (This year’s star player picked in the NFL draft at number twenty-"what" instead of number five? Hee-hee!)
Think about it - The oceans are getting hotter. Did ya ever run into the ocean and feel angry? Hell no, unless you realized your car keys were in your pocket and they just went out to sea. When you run into the ocean you feel refreshed, calm, cool. So, with the ocean being a smidge warmer, a dip in the ocean just isn’t that damn refreshing and as a result you get pissed and can’t cope with life.
Think about it, again - The weather is getting warmer up North. Did ya ever run out into the snow as a kid (not as an adult, adults are always angry about snow) and feel angry? Hell no, unless you realized your brother had a kick-ass, ice packed, snowball to throw at the back of your head. When you run outside, into the snow, you feel refreshed, calm, cool. So, with the weather in the North being a smidge warmer, running out into the snow just isn’t that damn refreshing, and as a result you get pissed and can’t cope with life.
So I guess until this research comes out and "experts" (my favorite kind of people) tell us what the research means, my advice is… COPE WITH LIFE! It has sucked for generations before us and will suck for generations after us. Find humor, keep smiling, and you will survive and succeed beyond your (or any of the bullying bastards) expectations.
And, oh yea, quit with the shooting up of people and places, it just pisses me off and since the ocean isn’t as refreshing anymore I’m having trouble coping with your not coping with life. Maybe I should have bought a plane ticket to L.A. to see The M+M's concert, I mean Britney Spears, to set me straight for a couple of weeks.
See ya!
Trash :-)
Posted by Trash at 7:12 PM | Comments (0)
