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« Maybe I Should Just Shave My Head. | Main | Las Vegas Has Boobs, and They Feel Nice. »

February 20, 2007

I'm In The Afternoon of Anna Nicole Smith.

I have gone past my period of mourning and am now into afternoon over Anna Nicole Smith. I realized that I could not make a convincing argument that I was the father of her daughter. Too bad. I also have not been able to place any of my sperm-toting buddies in the same room with her at any point of time to claim they are the father.

It does seem a damn shame this was never a "Jerry Springer" nor "Maury Povich" episode ‘cuz I love a good paternity fight. Think about it! It would have been great to see Zsa Zsa up there crying, with mascara rolling down her face, while Prince Zsa Zsa claimed the baby as his love child. Oh, and let’s not forget good ole Howard K Stern. I figured he would be picking up a chair and throwing it at the ex-boyfriend calling him a liar. The whole time Anna would be attempting to say something that did not sound like "mumbled ramblings." Too bad!

Every time I see Jerry or Maury have a good ole paternity fight I have to chuckle. I mean loosing track of who you slept with at the same time as getting pregnant has got to be embarrassing, especially when the 3-4 guys that "have to be" the father turn out not to be. Oops, my bad. Guess it was the 6th guy (condoms might be a good idea at this point).

I know sex is fun, but Ladies, have some self respect. A little spermicide with a rubber policeman (to serve and protect) goes a looooooonnnng way. If you do not like that idea, then keeping a calendar of who you banged, and when, could be. This might just help keep track of the papa to be.

I also wonder why a guy would ever trust a woman in the pregnancy department anyway. I wouldn’t, and I am a woman. Hell, your clock is ticking; the eggs are running out, you think you are becoming an old hag that no one loves - What will fix that??? Oh, a baby will! Remember guys, there are actually girls out there that will advise their friends to get pregnant to trap the guy. Breaking news, this is not an old wive’s tale, it actually happens (seen it, heard it, witnessed it)! Tell ya one thing: NEVER TRUST A WOMAN. Unless of course she is a millionaire, then who cares if you knock her up….she will either pay for your silence or pay you to play daddy. Can’t lose there, can you?

Now, boys, if you’re the millionaire you can guarantee a baby is coming out of that deal. Holy crap! That is the jackpot, you will definitely pay for her silence or, …wait, ...there is no other option, you WILL pay for her silence. As you can tell I am on the boy's side of this argument, mostly because I am tired of idiots reproducing. The world is screwed up with most of us in it, why do we think making a contribution of our genes will make it better? Please, there should be a screening process. Idiots get fixed (hey, if it is okay for dogs why not people?) and non-idiots are paired up with another non-idiots to make them babies.

Now wait, I do have to take a moment and feel bad for the baby girl of Anna Nicole, Dannielynn. She did not ask to be born to the fucked up situation, although some words of encouragement for her…. it could be worse, Mommy could be Britney Spears! Hmmm, do I see Britney filling the void Anna left behind! Hell yes, and I cannot wait to see and read more.

See Ya!

Posted by Trash at February 20, 2007 7:48 PM


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