January 30, 2007
Maybe I Should Just Shave My Head.
Okay, so I ran out of shampoo this weekend. Now it is important to realize I am very picky when it comes to my shampoo. I figure if a haircut costs $40.00 then I must have a pretty special head of hair. Why else would it cost so much, right? Yea, I know, they are sticking it to me. Well, since I'm picky about my shampoo I cannot just drive over to the Piggly Wiggly to buy it, this takes an actual trip with effort involved. So I drive over to one of the only two salons... See, fancy already, it is a SALON, not a grocery store, within 2 hours of my pad, to get my shampoo. Now, when I arrive, I am greeted at the door with a smile, and I rush over to the display with my magical brand of shampoo. AVEDA - oooh, earth and science in a bottle. Sadly I notice there is no 8.5 oz bottle of my shampoo type. Yes - my hair deserves a specific type of a specific brand, but there is only the 33.8 oz sized bottle. So I ask for the smaller bottle... I don't have hair all over my body which requires that much shampoo... I come to find out AVEDA no longer makes it in the smaller bottle. Okay, one more person sticking it to me.
So I have to suck it up and purchase the grizzly-bear sized bottle. Okay, so I didn't pay attention to the cost of the grizzly-bear sized bottle (hmm, $40.00), but since I pay that much for a hair cut why should I complain? I smile, pay the girl, and drive home with my head all a tingle because I will be once again treating my hair with AVEDA - ooooh, earth and science in a bottle. So, I proceed to place the grizzly-bear sized bottle of shampoo... Oh wait! WHAT THE HELL? Yes, having not excelled in reading French in grammar school I missed that instead of shampoo I have a huge grizzly-bear sized bottle of CONDITIONER! Who in the hell needs a gigantic bottle of conditioner??? Also, when I specifically asked about SHAMPOOOOOO, how did the happy girl at the counter somehow hear AVEDA conditioner? And also, is it sooo difficult to clearly use the English language to boldly indicate CONDITIONER on a bottle? Hell, there is plenty of room on a 33.8 oz sized bottle to spell out conditioner in bold writing with underlines! Even the 8.5 oz of conditioner is in a different shaped bottle so you cannot get them confused. So now I must take a trip back to exchange for a bottle of shampoo and oh, by the way, the magical SALON is closed on Mondays so I, and my hair, have to wait even one more day. This makes me wonder: Is shaving my head really such a bad idea?
See Ya!
Trash
Posted by Trash at 7:46 PM | Comments (0)
January 22, 2007
The Doomsday Clock, Simon Cowell is the Only One Who Cares, and My Demon Dog.
Last week, in a nutshell, wasn't too bad.First there was news of the Doomsday Clock moving 5 minutes before midnight. Now at first I was a little concerned, I mean this clock is counting down to the end of the world - shouldn't we all be stockpiling food and water? This has to be as bad as Y2K, right? Well isn't it? Oh wait; I have no idea what the hell the Doomsday Clock is! Apparently I live under a rock because this is a very important turn of events. After a quick search on the information superhighway all is revealed. I found out that I don't know anything about this clock because I missed every issue of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists, since 1947. Whew! I was really worried. Somehow that information was missing among global warming, WMD's and Britney Spears not wearing underwear while out partying. Which makes me wonder why in the world are a bunch of geeks changing time on a clip-art clock every time they decide some nuclear threat has changed (did I mention it is an arbitrary decision). Oh I know! They are "experts." Need I say more......?
Then there is the start of American Idol. Now I must admit I do not care for the actual competition, I like to see the auditions. I mean come on; can you believe there are people who don't realize they suck as bad as they do? I love the contestants that go up there, sing like goats being tortured, and cry when Simon tells them the truth. How is it possible that people can go through life actually thinking they have the best voice on the planet? Do all of their friends and families actually think they are good? Aren't they supposed to love ya, or at least want to protect the family name? It is mind-boggling. From what I can tell the only person who actually loves these people (or humanity) is Simon. Hell, he will actually look you in the face and tell you the truth. There should be less bashing of Simon and more bashing of the uncaring family members who would rather you be publicly humiliated then tell you, in private, that you can't sing.
To round off my week I successfully took my demon dog to the vet. Now you have to experience my demon dog to truly understand the success of this event. My demon will bite just about anyone, at anytime, because you only thought about touching her (I have scars to prove it). Now since her demonic behavior did not appear until I had her for over 2 years, I couldn't get rid of her because, well, she was my demon dog. So, after extensive training and Prozac (for me and the dog), I have been able to control most of her anger issues. This last one was a stress free trip to the vet (for me not her). Face it, what dog wants needles and fingers stuck in their butt? Usually this trip consists of a few sedatives and three to four vet assistances holding her still. This time, after five minutes and only three angry snaps at my hands, I was able to get a muzzle on her. This was then followed by a calm, quiet, sober dog taking a shot in her butt, and allowing fingers up her butt, without so much as a whimper. Could this mean the exorcism worked? Only time will tell.
See Ya!
Trash
Posted by Trash at 7:57 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
January 17, 2007
I Can Be an "Expert" About Resolutions.
I thought about making my first "Trash" entry all about me, about who I am, where I come from, but screw that. If you want to know about me, my Entertainment Ave! bio is here.So, you know what, here it is, the third week of January and I wondered how are all of those resolutions for 2007 are working out for you? The answer is probably "Pretty damn bad."
This year I decided to use the advice of "experts" to set my 2007 goals. Hey, they are "experts," they get paid pretty good money to sit in a chair on CNN, and they give you advice. I figured those "experts" had to know something I didn't - After all, how can you fail with advice like... "set realistic goals" and "don't get discouraged if you slip." Well, apparently, I do know something these "experts" do not know.....my life in 2006 is just as crappy as it was in 2007.
Let's take the resolution millions of American's make every year. "In 2007, I will lose 10 pounds." Now before I allowed myself to fail, I took the advice of "experts" and modified that goal to be "I will exercise at least 20 minutes, three days a week (to get that Bowflex body of course)." Well even as we speak I have managed to crank out only one 30 minute workout. WHY!? Easy! I did not change jobs in 2007. I have the same crappy hours. I continue to work my ass off for 12 hours a day, five days a week, to come home tired. And I manage to make my way to the couch when I get home, and have to convince myself tomorrow will be better. Guess what! It is not any better because I still have the same job with long hours! If I actually had any chance of meeting my simple goal of exercising at least 20 minutes, three days a week (to get that Bowflex body), I would have had to have achieved a different goal first.....find a better job with fewer hours. Oh, and screw that don't get discouraged crap. I was a human being in 2006, and I guess that I am still a human being in 2007. So let us think about this one - If I had the human emotion of disappointment in 2006, I am guessing nothing magical happened at midnight, 2007, in whatever time-zone, to erase that human emotion (no spaceship took me on board and did experiments on me at midnight, I think).
So I have to ask myself this new question... "How does one become a CNN 'expert?'" My guess is they only work 10 hours a week and may not actually be human. If I had that gig then I would have all of the time in the world to achieve my goal, and not feel bad if I didn't!
See Ya!
Trash
Posted by Trash at 7:42 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
