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Dear Stu and Trash,
I admit it. There is no hope for me. I'm
addicted. To what, I hear you ask. To Drugs, alcohol, even
chocolate. No, it's much, much worse. I'm addicted to CHAT
LINES AND BON JOVI!!!!!!!! Yes I admit it, I'm sad. But it
would be sadder to ignore them, or to slight, them as you
have been doing! I WANT MORE PHOTOS! I WANT A CHAT LINE! I
WANT MY RIGHTS! Is there any hope left for me?!?!? Help me,
please. I'm desperate. I'm addicted. I'm sad. I'm addicted
to BON JOVI! Is there any hope left? Can someone help me?
The only solution I can think of is to find every photo
alive.
Jovi Addict
|
 Stu
Says... |
 Trash
Says... |
| I can think of a lot less worse
things to be addicted to, like crack cocaine, cigarettes,
and the American Democratic Party. I'm sure in a couple of
years some bleeding heart social scientist from Northwestern
will come out with a study showing how the addictive affects
of chatting on-line is leading to the down fall of society.
Then he'll get some big government grant, put a bunch of
kids in a room to shock them every time they look at a
computer, write a paper on it, and get a cabinet position,
like the U.S.'s new Computer Addiction/Drug Czar (Weren't
Czar's Russian? What do they have to do with cabinet
positions in a capitalist society anyway?) Then, when his 15
minutes are up, he'll write a book saying he was wrong about
the whole thing and go on the Oprah Winfrey show. In the
mean while, a bunch of kids will be made to feel bad over
what is quite honestly nothing.
I say as long as you can afford the on-line time, let
yourself get your thrills by looking at online pictures of
big Jon. If you can get your parent's to pay for it, that's
even better. If they give you shit about it, just say
"OK." Then, the next day, come home smoking, on
the back of a motorcycle, with a tattooed guy named Snake.
See how fast they get you a new modem!
Take care,
Stu |
If that is the only thing you are
addicted to, girl, you deserve a medal! Heck, its normal to
dig some star-like person. I sort of remember a time when I
had Rick Springfield posters in my bedroom, and my best
friend had Bon Jovi posters in her room (that ended when
Jovi lost the long hair). The only time it is a problem is
when you are ready to tip over onto the stalker-like side,
and that's when you should seek some help from an
over-priced head doc!
It sounds like there is still some time to fix the
situation. Like all addictions, you can't keep feeding them
(besides being unhealthy, it can lead to tooth decay - oh,
sorry, that's a chocolate addiction!) or bankruptcy (that's
what I meant)! You don't want to be 40 years old standing
behind a theater waiting for the poster smuggler to come
waltzing by asking you for your last $50.00, and besides,
like all men, Bon Jovi's voice and looks will probably fade
by the time you are 40.
The best way to get a handle on this is to think before
you plunk down money that you could be saving for a car, a
trip around the world, a cool outfit, or even college. Use
your head! As I tell everyone when they ask me who I admire
(or worship), "No one really, we are all just human.
Some people are just luckier than others!"
Keep in touch - I'd like to hear how things are going!
See ya!
Trash |
Help!
I need advice from Stu & Trash!
Editor's Disclaimer: Cheap Advice from Stu
Gotz & Trash is part serious, part entertainment. Their answers
are blunt, sometimes biased, sometimes sexist, and sometimes they
even try to be funny. Neither Stu nor Trash have any education in
psychology, psychiatry, or really in advising people at all, but
they do have an opinion and their advice is meant to be taken for
what it is - free advice. |
