Be Cool

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:59 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Be Cool
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: John Travolta, Uma Thurman, Vince Vaughn, Cedric the Entertainer, Harvey Keitel, The Rock
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: MGM
Kiddie Movie: The story is adult. Leave them at home.
Date Movie: Good for everyone.
Gratuitous Sex: It’s PG-13, so mostly just suggestive.
Gratuitous Violence: There is some shooting.
Action: No chase scenes, really.
Laughs: I laughed a lot.
Memorable Scene: Any scene with Sin and his posse.
Memorable Quote: “Unless you want an ‘R’ rating, you can only use the ‘F’ word once. I say ‘Fuck that.’ That’s it.” (Editor’s note: And that was it for the use of the ‘F’ word)
Directed By: F. Gary Grey

I don’t know why, maybe because I never read any books by Elmore Leonard and I haven’t seen “Get Shorty,” so I didn’t have any preconceived notions of how the movie should be, and even though John Travolta didn’t seem that great in this movie, I enjoyed “Be Cool.” From the others reviews I’ve seen, it seems that there goes some more of my movie review credibility out the window. Anyway, here’s the story…
Travolta plays Chili Palmer. It seems he’s pretty much sick of being in the movie business and thinks that maybe the music business is where he should stick his nose, especially since he is acquainted with a rising talent, Linda Moon (Christina Milian), and also the recently widowed record executive Edie (Uma Thurman), whose husband, Tommy (James Woods) was gunned down during a meeting with Chili. Chili takes Linda away from Raji (Vince Vaughn who has yet to let me down), her manager who thinks he’s black and totally overacts the part. And then the trouble starts.

Like normal, things don’t always go as easy as you would like. It seems Linda has already signed a contract with Raji and his boss, music dude Nick (Harvey Keitel), so Chili has to figure out a way to resolve that issue. Also, it appears Edie’s record company owes producer Sin (Cedric the Entertainer) a big chunk of change, but sadly, the company is broke and Sin is threatening that some heads will role if he doesn’t get his cash. There’s also some Russian dudes who aren’t too happy with Chili, and the feds think somehow Chili has some information on the mob in town. Who you gonna call when things are this out of control? Of course, you’re gonna call Steven Tyler, whose clothes you used to wash, and he will somehow save the day. Yes, that is correct, you call Steven Tyler, get him to listen to a tape of Linda, and suddenly things work out in the end. And, oh yea, toss in a gay, Samoan, “wants to be an actor” bodyguard named Elliot (The Rock).

Look, there are way to many plot things going on to have me write a full synopsis, but yes, all of them are intertwined in one way or another, and I thought it was marvelous, especially when it all came full-circle as Nick opens the package at the pawn shop.

I don’t know if this was the intent, and I think it’s the reason I liked this movie so much, but for me this was a movie making fun of the entire music, and for what it’s worth, movie industries. There was Raji, totally overacting the white dude who wants to act black, complete with the red, pimp outfit, and unable to command sounding street. Sin and his gangsta’s so overplayed the gangsta stereotype it was hilarious, and the Russian mob was even over-the-top. Not to mention The Rock who is my first pick for an Oscar next year because even if you have no interest in this movie, he is freakin’ hilarious and a reason to see this movie. All that, and I think I’m back in love with Uma Thurman and I’m not really sure why.

I took the movie for a campy look at Hollywood and had a good time with it. You might not, and obviously a lot of other critics didn’t see it the same way, but I know a lot of people around me were laughing. It’s 4 stars out of 5 for me. Maybe don’t try to take the movie as seriously as other people I suppose.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Break-Up

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:45 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

The Break-Up
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston, Joey Lauren Adams, Ann-Margret, Jason Bateman, Jon Favreau, Judy Davis
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2006
Kiddie Movie: Definitely more adult subject matter.
Date Movie: Both of you might see some similarities in your own arguments.
Gratuitous Sex: Some strippers.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Quite a few. Even the fights were funny.
Memorable Scene: Brooke, balling her eyes out, finally explaining to Gary what is wrong, and Gary just looking at her and saying, “Why didn’t you just tell me?”
Memorable Quote: Sure, it was in the trailer also, but it’s the line every dude in a relationship wishes he could say: “Why would I want to do dishes?”
Directed By: Peyton Reed

Sometimes while watching a movie I notice the most innocuous things. First, when there was all of the talk of them doing re-shoots for “The Break-Up,” one of the things mentioned was they wanted to make sure things looked current, mentioning that “The Bean,” a wacky piece of art in Chicago, wasn’t completed when they initially did the filming so they came back since it was now complete. Funny, I didn’t remember seeing a shot of “The Bean” in the movie. Then the story changed to something like “We wanted to re-shoot the ending in the matter it was originally written.” So there I am, watching the supposed “new” ending scene, when all I could notice was that one of the cars in the scene seemed to have an old, expired, Illinois license plate on it. The ending scene was nice and all, but now all I could wonder was did some prop dude not realize the Illinois license plate has changed style, or was someone’s car not properly plated. I’ve got to be nuts. Anyway, let’s get to the movie…

“The Break-Up” gives us Vince Vaughn as Gary and Jennifer Aniston as Brooke. Gary is a beer-loving, baseball-loving, fun-time-loving kind of guy. Brooke, well, isn’t nearly that kind of girl, yet she loves Gary. As dude and dudettes in love seem to do, well, they move in together, splitting the mortgage on a condo. But Gary doesn’t seem to appreciate all that Brooke does for him, namely cook, clean, put up with his shit, and look hot for him. Nope, Gary just looks for some down time, preferring to play “Grand Theft Auto” rather than do the dishes. And what dude wouldn’t, as Gary spouts the line most every dude in a relationship would love to spout, “Why would I ‘want’ to do the dishes?” Most dudes, though, know the ramifications of that line, so they keep their mouths shut, but not Gary. And so, our happy couple, that we didn’t actually get to see being that happy together much, break-up. But herein lies the problems: Brooke doesn’t really want to break up. She still loves Gary, but just wants him to appreciate her more. Gary, though, doesn’t pick up that all he needs to say is an “I’m sorry” and “I appreciate you,” because, well, in Gary’s head, he did nothing wrong because Brooke broke up with him. The other problem is since they co-own the condo, neither of them want to move out. So, Brooke hatches plan after plan to make Gary jealous and appreciate her, all of which fail miserably. Gary, on the other hand, still thinks he did nothing wrong, so he begins turning his portion of the condo into bachelor heaven.

Finally things come to a head, their friend finds a buyer for the condo, and the movie takes some of the most realistic turns in a movie about relationships.

The publicity machine for “The Break-Up” seemed to want to promote this movie as a romantic comedy, but really, it isn’t. It actually is a more realistic look at relationships that don’t always seem to go as planned, and that leads to maybe a lot of comedy as we watch from the outside looking in, seeing some of the same arguments in our relationships. You know what happens with that, you lose some of the romance side and instead get a realism a lot of relationship movies don’t have. Look, Brooke is in a relationship trying to get her man to change, only instead of just telling Gary what she asks of him out of the relationship, she tries to manipulate him into seeing things her way. Gary, on the other hand, is a dude who is still trying to figure out what he did wrong when he only bought three lemons instead of twelve, and why it’s wrong for him not to want to do the dishes. When Brooke finally does tell Gary what is really wrong, Gary poses the simple question, “Why didn’t you just tell me that from the beginning?” His buddy, Johnny O (Jon Favreau), finally explains to Gary that Brooke is right, but by this time, things might be too late for our unhappy couple.

There seem to be some complaints about the end of the movie, even the one they re-shot, but I really liked it. The final comment about the re-shoots for the movie state a rumor that test audiences hated the initial ending, so the folks went back for the re-shoot, sticking with the original ending in the original screenplay. I just was happy they stuck with the original ending, or at least this ending, and that’s all I’ll say about this.

Women don’t seem to learn that it is nearly impossible to change their man, especially if they just don’t come out and say what is wrong, because dudes are generally clueless with your manipulations. I liked “The Break-Up” and give it a solid 3 ½ stars out of 5. It would have been 4 stars had we gotten an in-focus shot of Aniston’s “looking fabulous even though it was blurry” butt instead of some dudes in-focus butt. Anyway, finally a more realistic view of a relationship.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Couples Retreat

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:47 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Couples Retreat
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Vince Vaughn, Jason Bateman, Jon Favreau, Faizon Love, Kristen Davis, Malin Akerman, Kristen Bell, Jean Reno, Jim McMahon
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2009
Kiddie Movie: It’s mostly adult conversation. Get a sitter.
Date Movie: It’s got hot hunks for her and bikini clad women for you. It’s couples night!
Gratuitous Sex: A lot of suggested and talk, but still keeping it PG-13.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Lots from start to finish.
Memorable Scene: I keep coming back to “Dave’s” son in the home improvement store.
Memorable Quote: Nothing stands out.
Directed By: Peter Billingsley

Maybe I’m a stupid critic, but sometimes I think movies are made with the sole intention of bringing at least a little bit of a smile to the person who forks over their hard-earned money, and somehow I can enjoy those movies for exactly what they are. They aren’t made for “artistic” reasons, they aren’t supposed to spotlight the acting talents of the cast, and they aren’t supposed to invoke deep thoughts of the meaning of life or break new ground, and I believe “Couples Retreat” is one of those movies, with cheesiness, a slight cringe factor, a peeing child, and enough eye candy for both the dudes and dudette. So, critics be damned, I enjoyed the movie for what I wanted – a nice trip to the theater with my BFF where we could hold hands, laugh a little, and come out of the theater both going “That was kind of funny.”

Here’s the story…

Four couples are having four different “couple” issues. You’ve got Couple Number A: Dave (Vince Vaughn) and Ronnie (Malin Akerman) who have a couple of kids, Ronnie wants to do some home remodeling, and Dave gets to play a lot of Guitar Hero, or Rock Band (I always get them confused) because he is a sales rep. Then there is Couple Number B: Jason (Jason Bateman) and Cynthia (Kristen Bell), who are having relationship issues thanks to an inability to make a baby. Joey (Jon Favreau) and Lucy (Kristin Davis) were married right out of high school, have a teenage daughter who wears too little clothes, and are just waiting for their daughter to move out of the house so they can get divorced as Couple Number C. And finally you get newly divorced Shane (Faizon Love) hooking up with the youngster, Trudy (Kali Hawk), and Shane just can’t keep up, in the Couple Number D category.

Well, Jason and Cynthia decide that they want to make their marriage work and what better way to do it than by taking a trip to Bora Bora with their friends so that the two of them can work on their marriage while the others just have good time. The surprise comes when the resort people tell everyone that if they don’t all partake in the “couple’s therapy” session that they will just be sent home.

So our couples suck it up and all of them begin to realize their relationships have issues, even if they weren’t out in the open before, and wouldn’t you know it, thanks to some bonding, they all realize how they should work things out.

Look, like I wrote in that opening paragraph, “Couples Retreat” isn’t a cinematic masterpiece, and hell, even though it was filmed in Bora Bora, I think that was for the filmmakers to be able to write-off a trip to Bora Bora because the movie could have been filmed at any “tropical” local for the same scenery, but what “Couples Retreat” is is a funny look at married friends, and sure, some of the “situations” are over-the-top and dorky, but really, what are you expecting from a trailer that shows a yoga instructor pretty much having “over-the-clothes” sex with the women?

I like Vince Vaughn, and in his “every man” shlubness we tend to like he is just as good in his role as Dave. Somehow I totally bought the fact that Jason and Cynthia would put together a PowerPoint sales presentation to convince their friends to come to Eden with them, and, well, I pretty much liked everyone in their roles. The jokes were simple, the movie didn’t get too preachy on “how” to have a good marriage, and you’ve got to love little kids. It’s 3 ½ stars out of 5 for “Couples Retreat.” It’s nothing groundbreaking – just a fun time for both of you at the movie, or at least to snuggle on your couch when it makes it to DVD.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Cell

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:47 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

The Cell
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Vincent D’Onofrio, Vince Vaughn
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: New Line Cinema
Release Date: 2000
Kiddie Movie: Don’t even think of bringing them.
Date Movie: She’ll get squirmy and hold you, then again, you might get squirmy too.
Gratuitous Sex: Weird sex and lots of nudity.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of it, mostly in twisted mind sequences, but who wants to see a dude’s intestines being pulled out in any state of consciousness?
Action: Not much action.
Laughs: Some twisted chuckles here and there.
Memorable Scene: The dude getting his intestines pulled out.
Memorable Quote: Nothing really.
Directed By: Tarsem Singh

After watching “The Cell” my one thought was “Whoa, that was one fucked-up movie.” It was sick, it was demented, it reminded me of this twisted cross between “Hellraiser” and “Silence of the Lambs,” and in the end I can’t say it was the greatest movie, but it was sure entertaining, and although it was pretty obvious how things would turn out (they have to turn out that way – it’s pretty standard in Hollywood now that there aren’t any deviations from a happy or expected ending, although maybe they should try more – look at what a cool twist did for “The Sixth Sense,” but I’m sorry, I digress), “The Cell” kept me paying attention for the entire movie, and that’s always a good thing.

Here’s the story: Jennifer Lopez plays Catharine Deane, this psychiatrist type of lady working for a controversial company. What the company says is that it can implant the thoughts of one person into another’s mind so that person A can interact with the mind of person B, hopefully helping them to get over a comatose state caused by a variety of brain problems. Well, Catharine has been working with this young boy who’s mind has essentially shut off, but she can’t get through to him in his mind. Since his mind is full of ugly images, well, Catharine wants to reverse the process so that she can show the boy that life isn’t as ugly as his mind shows. Alright, enough intro and foreshadowing.

So, Catharine is going about her days but there is a killer, Carl (Vincent D’Onofrio), on the loose. He’s got mental problems, likes to turn girls into dolls by drowning them, cleaning them, and well, it’s pretty sick. The problem is that Carl has kidnapped one more victim, has her in the holding tank that will soon fill up with water, and his mind finally snaps him into a catatonic state. With no way to wake him up, the fed people enlist the help of Catharine to enter the dude’s mind to try to find out where he is holding her. Blah, blah, you can figure out the end.

What is cool with the movie is that it paints a fucked up version of reality in the mind of the psychotic. Dark images, blown exaggerations of reality, and how scary a psychopath might really be seeing the world, well, that’s what we see in the mind of the catatonic. Meanwhile, in the eyes of the living, we see how life can be better, how we can still be in charge, and how good people just want to help.

What is bad about the movie is you already know the ending – eventually they figure out where the killer is hiding the body, and the chief investigator guy saves her. That I fear is the Hollywood status-quo. Me, personally, I would have preferred them figuring out where the girl was too late, the chief investigator snaps, leaving a way for a more twisted sequel. But, that’s me – always hoping for an edge.

I’d say “The Cell” is, as a movie, about a 2 ½ starrer, but, adding the quality violence, the dude hanging but hooks in his back, and just a totally fucked up view of reality in the mind of a killer, well, let’s add another star and give “The Cell” 3 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!