The Da Vinci Code

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:28 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

The Da Vinci Code
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Tom Hanks, Audrey Tautou, Ian McKellen, Alfred Molina, Jean Reno
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Release Date: 2006
Kiddie Movie: Nope, it’s a little brutal and too confusing for them.
Date Movie: It’s good for the both of you.
Gratuitous Sex: A couple of butts and something in the shadows.
Gratuitous Violence: Nothing gratuitous, but it’s got some.
Action: Lots of chases.
Laughs: A couple of cute chuckles.
Memorable Scene: Sophie can’t walk on water.
Memorable Quote: Not really a quote, but I did like the answer to open the wacky map cylinder thing.
Directed By: Ron Howard

From reading everything out there, it almost seems that you could probably count the critics who liked “The Da Vinci Code” with the fingers on both hands. Well, I’m starting the toes because I liked the movie. Let’s get to it…
“The Da Vinci Code” is the screen adaptation of the book of the same name that you would think, from the number of books sold, everyone in the world has read. Well, I didn’t, so I didn’t know exactly what the secret of the book was about, but thanks to every critic assuming everyone has read the book, by the time I went to see the movie I already knew the story. I suppose I might as well ruin the movie as well, at least sort of.

It seems there is a death at The Louvre (that’s a famous art museum in Paris, for those of you who really live under a rock). But it’s not a normal death, nope; this dude was shot and then somehow was able to leave all kinds of clues all over the museum giving some hint as to the secret of his killer. Enter Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks). He’s a dude who studies symbols and their various meanings, and it seems our dead dude had all kinds of symbols associated with him. So he’s at The Louvre checking out the dead body, with Captain Fache (Jean Reno), and enters Sophie (Audrey Tautou). She warns Robert he is in danger, grave danger in fact (and in the famous words of Col. Jessep, “Is there any other kind?”), that he can’t trust the good Captain, and now the race is on to figure out the clues, only it seems the clues don’t really lead to the killer, but to a secret the Catholic Church has been hiding since the beginning of the Catholic Church. It seems that since the 300’s there has been a war going on within the church. On the one side are the normal church people we know and love, only they have been trying to eliminate the secret that has been covered up, thereby not having it ever be exposed and thereby not having to worry about the church as we know it being destroyed. On the other side are those that know the truth: That Jesus wasn’t really all that special, just a man with good ideas, and that he married Mary Magdalene and she had a kid after Jesus’ crucifixion. So, for the last 1700+ years church folks have been trying to eradicate both those who might be descendents of Jesus, as well as any clue that might suggest this, while the other folks have been working to protect the secret so that when the time was right, the secret would be revealed. Only Sir Leigh Teabing (Ian McKellen) has his own plan – he’s tired of waiting for the truth to come out so he hatches a plan to speed up the process, and it involves some killings, some running, some chasing, and using his good buddy Robert to figure out the secret to finding the map to Mary’s tomb.

Alright, that might sound confusing, but who the hell cares? It’s a story from a fictional novel that way too many people are raising a huff about, although they didn’t seem to raise as much of a huff when the book was on the best seller list. Anyway, religion aside, this is a story about trying to find a treasure map, and that’s where the fun comes in. We start with some cryptic clues, and those lead to more cryptic clues, and we hope the good guys are able to find the treasure and save the day before the bad guys, and we can usually assume one of the seeming good guys is really a bad guy, win. All along our heroes learn things about themselves, and there might even be some lessons for us in the theater audience to ponder. In the end, that’s what “The Da Vinci Code” gives us, and yes, the good guys win.

I will admit that the movie is about ½ hour too long, but my butt didn’t get sore so I wasn’t thinking about it too much, it was just that some of the extended scenes lasted too long. Tom Hanks was great as Robert, and I really didn’t give a crap about his hair. Audrey Tautou is very beautiful, and it wasn’t really a surprise the ending they left her with, and Ian McKellen was great as the nutty history dude. Hell, for that matter, Paul Bettany was great as the misguided “Silas.”

Look, if you want a movie that will entertain you a bit and can realize it’s a movie based on a fictional book, you will probably be okay seeing the movie. Also, if you sometimes question some things about your religion, you will still probably be okay with this movie. If you take every word of the Bible as fact, and can’t enjoy a story that contradicts any of that, you will probably hate “The Da Vinci Code.” Me, I think most religions are full of secrets that the higher-ups think shouldn’t be exposed for whatever reason, I think this is also the case with most governments, and fictional stories like “The Da Vinci Code” are great when they exploit this. Me, I’m still hoping that someone will go and take over for that poor knight who has been protecting the cup Jesus drank out of (a different version of The Holy Grail than in “The Da Vinci Code”), and also wonder in what warehouse The Arc of the Covenant is stored. Now I’ve also got to worry that a certain lady finds a man so that the blood lineage of Jesus will continue on. Such are movies.

It’s 4 stars out of 5 for “The Da Vinci Code.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Angels & Demons

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:15 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Angels & Demons
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Tom Hanks, Ewan McGregor, Ayelet Zurer
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Kiddie Movie: There’s a lot of violence and they’d just be confused. Leave them at home.
Date Movie: My BFF enjoyed it, so I say bring them along.
Gratuitous Sex: Robert Langdon stays celibate, and keeps his clothes on, too.
Gratuitous Violence: Some people get burned, shot, drowned, etc., so yea
Action: There’s a lot of running and chasing.
Laughs: A chuckles here and there.
Memorable Scene: I still like the puzzle solving, and would love to visit the Vatican archives.
Memorable Quote: Nothing really.
Directed By: Ron Howard

I still can’t figure out what all of the hubbub was about that the Catholic Church originally brought up because my take on “Angels & Demons” is that the church might have their problems, but most of the problems in this movie are caused by a rogue priest, or maybe a couple of rogue priests, much like the problems in any religion, so Catholicism bashing aside, is the movie any good? You betcha!

“Angels & Demons” is actually a book that was released before “The Da Vinci Code,” but for the movie they shift it to being after the movie you probably saw, and you know what, you get the same kind of problem-solving, good looking girl, let’s try and save a life or two, and let’s get to the root of this problem to save something, kind of flick that you found in that Da Vinci film. And like that Da Vinci film, don’t try to hard to understand all of the story, just enjoy the ride.

Pretty much “Angels & Demons” involves a supposed plot from a group called The Illuminati (yea, you might also remember them from the Lara Kroft: Tomb Raider movie – I guess they get around, don’t they?). In any case, the Pope is dead, the Cardinals are getting ready to elect a new Pope, some Cardinal dudes get kidnapped, and a super-duper energy source also gets stolen. It seems that The Illuminati are pissed, looking for revenge on the Catholic Church for some atrocities years earlier, and to get their revenge, and fulfill an ancient prophesy, they are going to kill the four Cardinal dudes and then blow up The Vatican. Enter Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks). Sure, the Church is still pissed at Langdon for the whole “Jesus had siblings” thing from the previous movie, but they need the best, especially since there are only a few hours to get the puzzles solved, so in comes Bob, and with the help of Vittoria Vetra (Ayelet Zurer), the scientist who can stop the anti-matter bomb from exploding, well, it’s a race across Rome to find the places the Cardinals are set to be killed, and also find the anti-matter bomb.

Along for the ride are some police dudes, all in conflict with each other because the Swiss Guards don’t like the Roman police, etc., but keeping everyone together is the good Camerlengo (Ewan McGregor). The Camerlengo, kind of the person in charge in between Popes, seems to have it all together, but maybe something is up with him as well.

Look, like “The Da Vinci Code,” “Angels & Demons” is just a fun ride at the movies where I don’t think you are supposed to understand everything, just sit back and have a little fun while your brain gets confused, and like “The Da Vinci” code, most critics are bashing it, but not this one, I’m like the movie for exactly what it is – just a fun romp with some clues to solve so that the good people can be saved.

Tom Hanks does his normal, steady self in the Langdon role, although I liked him better with the hair in the Da Vinci film, Ayelet Zurer is good enough as the easy-on-the-eyes dudette who tags along for the ride, and Ewan McGregor is fine in his role as the Camerlengo. You do get a good chunk of violence in this movie as the Cardinals do end up dying in some pretty gruesome ways, but hey, the movie is about a sinister society, hell-bent on getting revenge on the Catholic Church.

I say, much like you did for “The Da Vinci Code”, ignore all of the critics except me and go see “Angels & Demons.” Yup, the story is kind of preposterous, you might see the ending coming even if you haven’t read the book, and you might have some fun. What you probably won’t get is coming out of the movie thinking the church is a bunch of anti-science, old-school farts who don’t care about the current world we live in. For me it’s 3 ½ stars out of 5. Go ahead and see it, and don’t worry if you don’t understand what anti-matter really is, it doesn’t matter that much to the plot other than it will explode if it touches real matter.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Cast Away

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:23 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Cast Away
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Tom Hanks, Helen Hunt
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Dreamworks SKG
Release Date: 2000
Directed By: Robert Zemeckis

You’ll see it because it has Tom Hanks. That might be the only reason. Here you’ve got the story of a dude who gets on a Fed Ex plane, the plane goes down, he ends up stranded on a desert island, and unlike the TV show “Survivor,” this dude is left alone to figure out how to make shelter, find food, and make fire. His survivor challenge is simply to stay alive. On the island he seems to have two friends – his pocket watch with a picture of the woman he loves and a volleyball which he colors to look like a face. He finally gets sick of the island, builds a raft, heads back out to sea, is found, and looks to find out what happened to the years he missed.

This looks like a movie that will see if Tom Hanks can carry a movie all on his own, especially when I’ve heard that about an hour of the movie is Tom Hanks on the island.

If he can make the movie it should get him another Oscar nod, and if not, well, we’ll just wait till the next one. No matter what he does he is always in the running.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!