MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:55 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Billy Campbell, Juliette Lewis, Noah Wyle, Tessa Allen
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Release Date: 2007
Kiddie Movie: Even though it’s PG-13, leave them at home or girls will never trust men…. even the good ones.
Date Movie: Only if you want her to wonder when you are going to snap.
Gratuitous Sex: It would have been better if J.Lo got naked. She did wear some skimpy tops, though.
Gratuitous Violence: Slim gets slapped a few times, but then she beats the shit out of Mitch.
Action: Not really action.
Laughs: I almost laughed while waiting for the “Theme from Rocky” when Slim was doing her self-defense training.
Memorable Scene: Nothing really stood out.
Memorable Quote: Mitch’s mom, upon seeing Slim’s bruises: “What did you do?”
Directed By: Michael Apted

This is what I wrote as my preview for “Enough”, with just information from the trailers…

This movie reminds me of that Julia Roberts’ movie where her husband won’t give up finding her, except in this one the main dudette has a daughter.
Yea, Slim (Jennifer Lopez) marries a wealthy dude, Mitch (Billy Campbell). All is well until, well, he starts to abuse her. She runs, he finds her, and she realizes that if she doesn’t fight back, well, then, her days are numbered in the wrong direction.

The story has been done before, but it looks like the film-people are adding a few twists and turns. If they give me the bad ending, well, I’ll like this film more, but I’m guessing this one will give us the ending we expect. Films in the real world excite me more, like when things don’t work out like a fairy-tale, but most of the other public wants the fairy-tale. I’m guessing Slim kills Mitch and they all live happily ever after. I hope not. For me it will be a better movie if it is on the sad route.

J. Lo is usually pretty decent, so is Billy Campbell, but this has all the looking’s of a cookie-cutter ending. If not I’ll spoil it and let you know.
Sorry if I ruin this movie for you, and please don’t tell me you didn’t think it would end the way it does, but for the most part I was right on every count. For a few more details, simply, Mitch ends up meeting Slim in the diner she works at, they end up getting married, and about 4 years later Slim realizes Mitch is cheating on her. She can’t take it anymore, he says, basically, “Too bad,” and smacks her around. She ends up taking off with their kid.

The problem is that Slim is stupid and Mitch has connections, so, yea, Mitch finds her. On the run again, and with her estranged father now involved, Slim realizes she has only one chance at happiness and that is if she gets rid of Mitch. Go ahead, use your knowledge of foreshadowing and figure out exactly how Mitch will meet his demise. Can someone tell writers and directors to not give away the ending before the ending?

Anyway, if you’re looking for a generic, cookie-cutter thriller with a couple of interesting twists and turns, “Enough” isn’t bad and does its job. Lopez is good as Slim, the mother just wanting a loving family life and doing anything to keep her daughter safe, and you will despise Mitch which means Billy Campbell does his job as well. You will also get to see an evil side to Noah Wyle, a far cry from the more goody-two-shoes Doctor Carter on E.R., in some, not really cameos, but some supporting action. For me, though, and sure no one would probably want to see the movie, I’d have preferred Slim getting screwed in the end because she didn’t do the right thing first, and that would have been to tell the cops and head for a woman’s shelter. As the lawyer tells her, she’s basically fucked in the courts because she ran for the hills.

Call me twisted, and I know it wouldn’t be popular, but it would prove a better drama if Slim gets screwed. In the end it wouldn’t be what you probably want, and that is for Slim to win. You get what you want.

For me “Enough” was a 1 ½ star movie, but from listening to most of the people leaving it was more like 3 ½ stars (I heard a lot of things like “That wasn’t bad.”). I’ll average them together and give “Enough” 2 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right! L8R!!!


MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:30 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Eric Stoltz, Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, John Voight
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Kiddie Movie: Only if you want them afraid of snakes for the rest of their lives.
Date Movie: Good chance of your lady jumpin’ in your lap!
Gratuitous Sex: Nope.
Gratuitous Violence: It’s got some violence, and the Anaconda eats people.
Action: Some, but mostly suspense.
Laughs: Come on, it’s about a big snake that eats people.
Memorable Scene: When Sarone (Jon Voight) gets eaten, and then a little later, un-eaten.
Memorable Quote: Not really.
Directed By: Luis Llosa

I saw the previews, I saw the billboards, I saw the ads, and all I could figure was that the movie “Anaconda” was about some people who get stuck in a river and get scared by a big snake. What those previews didn’t show was that this movie ends up being more about deceit and naïve people, as well as about survival.

Let me put the story line to you like this. You’ve got these documentary filmmakers heading into Amazon territory in search of the legendary Shirishama Indians. All is going well until they pick up this stranded guy on the bank of the river. This guy, Sarone, played by Jon Voight, is a snake poacher, and ends up being one really bad dude. When the anthropologist, Steven Cale (Eric Stoltz), finds himself unconscious, it’s up to the crew to find the quickest way home. They listen to Sarone,

Sarone (Jon Voight, r.) playfully demonstrates the deadly grip of a baby Anaconda on Warren’s (Jonathan Hyde) finger. he says he knows the way, but his way is to find this big snake first, and then maybe lead the crew to safety. It takes a while, but the crew figure out his plan, unfortunately for them it’s too late because Sarone has a gun and holds them all hostage while he’s hunting (or would that be fishing?) for the Anaconda. Well, things go wrong, some people die, it’s a fight for survival and trying to get home before becoming dinner.

It may sound simple enough, and maybe a boring movie, but it’s not. Acting wise, there isn’t much to speak of, all except for Jon Voight. I haven’t seen a crazed psychopath on this level since most anything Dennis Hopper plays. Voight will have you hating him, but believing him, all the while having

The world’s largest snake: the Anaconda. his own agenda without any regard to who dies. He was great and I’d recommend seeing this movie for his performance alone. Now the other character who did a great job for this film was the snake. This gargantuan animatronic special effect, combined with some real life Anacondas as well, will probably give even people who love snakes the creeps. Yea, sometimes the big guy does look a little fake, but seeing the snake eat a dude and do some other natural things is pretty cool.

I didn’t think they could make a movie about a big snake, and you know, they didn’t. Sure, the Anaconda plays a big role in the action and suspense of this film, but even without the fear of being

Terri (Jennifer Lopez) struggles to help free Danny (Ice Cube) from the deadly grip of an Anaconda. swallowed whole this film could have made it as a suspense film nonetheless. Voight was terrific, so was the snake, I just really wish the rest of the cast could have been as convincing. Don’t get me wrong, they did alright, but the film could have moved up a notch on the acting scale.

So, should you see it? Sure. I haven’t jumped in my seat in a long time, and if any snakes give you the creeps than “Anaconda” will have you covering your eyes (the guy in from of me did). Not the greatest film of all time, but pretty creepy. It’s 3 stars out of 5 for “Anaconda.”

That’s it for this one, I’m The Dude on the Right!!! L8R!!!

The Cell

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:47 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

The Cell
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Vincent D’Onofrio, Vince Vaughn
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: New Line Cinema
Release Date: 2000
Kiddie Movie: Don’t even think of bringing them.
Date Movie: She’ll get squirmy and hold you, then again, you might get squirmy too.
Gratuitous Sex: Weird sex and lots of nudity.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of it, mostly in twisted mind sequences, but who wants to see a dude’s intestines being pulled out in any state of consciousness?
Action: Not much action.
Laughs: Some twisted chuckles here and there.
Memorable Scene: The dude getting his intestines pulled out.
Memorable Quote: Nothing really.
Directed By: Tarsem Singh

After watching “The Cell” my one thought was “Whoa, that was one fucked-up movie.” It was sick, it was demented, it reminded me of this twisted cross between “Hellraiser” and “Silence of the Lambs,” and in the end I can’t say it was the greatest movie, but it was sure entertaining, and although it was pretty obvious how things would turn out (they have to turn out that way – it’s pretty standard in Hollywood now that there aren’t any deviations from a happy or expected ending, although maybe they should try more – look at what a cool twist did for “The Sixth Sense,” but I’m sorry, I digress), “The Cell” kept me paying attention for the entire movie, and that’s always a good thing.

Here’s the story: Jennifer Lopez plays Catharine Deane, this psychiatrist type of lady working for a controversial company. What the company says is that it can implant the thoughts of one person into another’s mind so that person A can interact with the mind of person B, hopefully helping them to get over a comatose state caused by a variety of brain problems. Well, Catharine has been working with this young boy who’s mind has essentially shut off, but she can’t get through to him in his mind. Since his mind is full of ugly images, well, Catharine wants to reverse the process so that she can show the boy that life isn’t as ugly as his mind shows. Alright, enough intro and foreshadowing.

So, Catharine is going about her days but there is a killer, Carl (Vincent D’Onofrio), on the loose. He’s got mental problems, likes to turn girls into dolls by drowning them, cleaning them, and well, it’s pretty sick. The problem is that Carl has kidnapped one more victim, has her in the holding tank that will soon fill up with water, and his mind finally snaps him into a catatonic state. With no way to wake him up, the fed people enlist the help of Catharine to enter the dude’s mind to try to find out where he is holding her. Blah, blah, you can figure out the end.

What is cool with the movie is that it paints a fucked up version of reality in the mind of the psychotic. Dark images, blown exaggerations of reality, and how scary a psychopath might really be seeing the world, well, that’s what we see in the mind of the catatonic. Meanwhile, in the eyes of the living, we see how life can be better, how we can still be in charge, and how good people just want to help.

What is bad about the movie is you already know the ending – eventually they figure out where the killer is hiding the body, and the chief investigator guy saves her. That I fear is the Hollywood status-quo. Me, personally, I would have preferred them figuring out where the girl was too late, the chief investigator snaps, leaving a way for a more twisted sequel. But, that’s me – always hoping for an edge.

I’d say “The Cell” is, as a movie, about a 2 ½ starrer, but, adding the quality violence, the dude hanging but hooks in his back, and just a totally fucked up view of reality in the mind of a killer, well, let’s add another star and give “The Cell” 3 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Thank God for Steven Tyler!

Okay, I have to admit I was very worried about my American Idol.  I mean, with the failed Ellen experiment over, no hope for Paula Abdul returning, and Simon Cowell heading out of town, or at least to another show, all that was left was top dog Randy Jackson from the old guard.  Would Simon’s snide remarks be missed?  How many times would Randy say “Dog?” No Paula Abdul nuttiness, or at least Ellen thinking she could be nutty?  Would I care?

Turns out I did care, as this was probably the first time in a few years I actually enjoyed the auditions, although it did get off to a rocky start.

Yup, there she was, some girl who auditioned a few years ago and somehow the “Does she ever stop smiling?” Jennifer Lopez remembered her.  The girl wasn’t that good, if Simon were there I’m thinking he would have blasted her, or at least given her the big “No,” but oddly enough the three judges let her through, with J-Lo and Randy basing their judginess on her previous audition and the fact she made it to Hollywood.  Steven Tyler thought she was a flower that would blossom, and then, as I began to see it, Steven Tyler is really the reason to watch American Idol right now.

Sure, Jennifer Lopez is working the “sweetness, oh I don’t want to say ‘No’ but I have to” act to the hilt, and many times Randy just seems to be sitting back, analyzing a contestant like they were a business proposal, but there is Steven, goofy face for goofy singer, getting into the groove with the good singers, slinging wacky anecdotes, and so far, at least for one show, just seeming to have a great time, and even when he tells someone to go back home because they aren’t very good, somehow it just sounds nice.

I do admit that part of me misses Simon Cowell because quite frankly, some of these people really need someone just to crush their hopes and dreams so they can get on with their lives rather than getting let go with some glimmer of hope that they could be that girl who makes it through again, but all in all, I’ve got to give a big hug to the new trio, because even when they say “No,” it’s like a big “We’re sorry but you suck,” group hug.

The producers weren’t too annoying with the “background” spots before a singer, they didn’t give some of the overly annoying people too much time, you can already see some standouts where, with a makeover, have a great shot at stardom (but sorry one dude, your nose is huge), and if the auditions continue like this first episode, American Idol will be back on my “Must see” TV viewing list.

And Steven Tyler, thank you – I hope your act doesn’t get old.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Blood and Wine

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:40 Long
A Review by:
– Stu Gotz

Blood and Wine
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jack Nicholson, Judy Davis, Jennifer Lopez, Stephen Dorff, Michael Caine
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Fox Searchlight
Release Date: 1996
Kiddie Movie: Much less appropriate for kids than it is for dates.
Date Movie: Save the money and take her to a Steak and Shake instead.
Gratuitous Sex: One nipple would have rated this movie an additional half star from me.
Gratuitous Violence: I had a violent attitude after seeing this movie.
Action: Fights, car chases, all with a dash of salt.
Laughs: I sat in my seat laughing about how bad the movie was.
Memorable Scene: Actually… The fact that the movie didn’t slap a happy romantic cliché ending was the only thing memorable about this movie for me.
Memorable Quote: “Baby, I’m gonna take you away from all this.” Do real people really say this while dancing the marimba in lingerie? Not in my book. But then again this movie was definitely not my type of book.
Directed By: Bob Rafelson

Have you ever made chicken soup? I’m not talking about busting out a can of Campbell’s but actually making it from scratch? The recipe for chicken soup is pretty simple and hard to mess up (although it can be done). By adding the right components, at the right time, and in the right amounts, nine times out of ten you wind up with a pretty basic soup. In time and with a little practice one can even learn how to doctor up a basic chicken soup recipe and make it into something totally kick-ass and far from basic.

Did you know that Hollywood knows the secret to kick-ass chicken soup and very often applies it to the recipe of making movies. A lot of times the creation is supreme, but other times it’s just plain old broth. Such is the case of the new Jack Nicholson and Michael Cane movie “Blood & Wine.”

This movie reminded me of my Jeep on a cold winter’s day – it just didn’t want to start. But back to the soup comparison. Like waiting for that pot of water to boil, this movie seemed to take forever to build to something exciting. After the water did get boiling the writers added some good stock in the way of bad guy characters in Alex Gates (Nicholson) and Victor Spansky (Cane). Lots of potential here. Later came a little salt which reviled the plot to a jewel heist. To spice things up a bit some salsa was added in the way of Gabriella (Jennifer Lopez – hubba-hubba, what a babe) who portrayed a Latin love interest. For good measure the writers even threw in a little sour lemon as a way to potentially spoil a perfect crime.

They followed the recipe, and even tried to add something special, so why was it that this movie was so bad? I think it’s because I’ve been fed chicken broth, stew, casserole, gumbo, and flambé all my life. I’m tired of that recipe and its deviations. What I want is something new, and this movie is not new. Actually, to be fair, the movie should actually get acclaim for being a perfect example of a “Hollywood Cook Book Movie,” but for me it was like one of those old Gum Shoe novels made for late night TV. Slow, boring, and predictable. I really don’t know whose ass I wanted to kick more after seeing the movie, Fox for releasing it or the Dude on the Right for making me pay $4.50 to go see it. I cannot recommend this movie to the everyday kind of guy, but if you’re a film student the structure will appeal to you, and if you’re a dorky Chicago film critic it will appeal to you because you’re an artsy horses ass that has lost touch with the blue collar class people like me. Sorry Jack but I can only give your movie 1 out of 5 stars. Please don’t kick my ass! Later…