The Dude on the Right’s “American Idol” Re-Cap, and You Thought You Had Weight to Lose?

By:

The Dude on the Right
I’m torn with the last batch of contestants for "American Idol."  I still
think Katherine is a great singer and has a "couple" of decent "Idol" assets,
but she smiles too much when she is singing, when it isn’t appropriate (like
during the Phil Collins song "Against All Odds."  It’s not a happy song, no
smiling should happen, but she never seems to be able to stay with the attitude
of the song, especially when the boom camera heads in for a close-up).  Chris, though, for me, it seems that he has lost his
realization of who the audience is that is watching this show.  And enough
giving up other parts of my podcast, just listen to the damn thing, please.

But "American Idol" aside, if you think you’ve got weight to lose, you’ve got to
listen to the story of a man in Mexico I talk about.

Thanks for listening.

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

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Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up: Seeing Movies and The Dude is in a Lot of Hot Water.

By:

The Dude on the Right
The "Stu & The Dude Weekend Wrap-Up" is back!  Yes, sir, re, Bob!  It
is back!  I know I’m excited, and hopefully you are too!  Stu and I
talk about "Stick
It," "RV,"
and why I missed "United 93."  I also dig myself a deeper hole with my
sister, so let me just say it now, "Sis, I apologize.  Maybe I’ll try to
meet up with you when you are visiting the old country, and I’ll bring the
mobile podcast studio so you can re-butt.  He he, I wrote ‘butt.’" 
Anyway, apologies aside, Stu wonders what was wrong with
Mandy Moore’s
look in "American Dreamz," and while I was seeing movies he got to be
entertained by seeing "Elmo’s
Coloring Book."  He’s a lucky man.

I better just stop commenting now
before I did an even deeper hole with my sister.

Thanks for listening.

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

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I Should Never Listen to My Sister, and Oh Favorite Niece of Mine, Please Don’t Disown Me!

By:

The Dude on the Right
It’s Sunday morning and the weather is pretty crappy.  It’s windy, a little
cooler, with a big douse or rain.  I get myself out of bed, take a shower,
and suddenly get the hankering for a McGriddle sandwich.  While cleaning
the soap off of my svelte body, with my breakfast plans firmly implanted in my
head, I planned my day:  Get dressed, head to my
McDonald’s
Drive-Thru, get back home, read my Sunday paper, eat my breakfast, and
eventually head to the movies.  While reading my paper (I had to buy one
because my delivered copy was soaked thanks to the rain, but I digress), Stu called me after
dropping Mama Gotz at the airport.  He just wanted to chat a bit, asked me
my plans for the day, and I told him I was going to see "United
93," the movie about 9/11 and the plane that crashed.  He said he would
be interested to hear my take about it on Monday, as well as fill him in a
little bit more about the movie "Stick
It," which I saw on Saturday.

With the topic of the movie "United 93," I
was sort of psyching myself up for it.  I knew it wasn’t going to give me
any laughs, would bring some flashbacks to some television memories I could do
without, but in a way, I wanted to be somewhat inspired by the bravery of the
folks on the plane.  I figured I would sit in the theater after the movie
ended and reflect a little, make my way back to the dude-pad, and type up
reviews for "Stick It," United 93," and maybe a blog about my reaction to the
"United 93" movie.  I would get things posted, then sit back and watch "The
Sopranos" wondering if

Artie really did get his cooking mojo back, and if they were going to find

Vito.  My day was planned.  It would be a little bit happy, a
little bit sad, and some work would even get done.

Then I got an e-mail from
my sister that ruined my entire day.

The beginning of it simply started: 
"You should of went to go and see RV.  I laughed my ass off.  To the
point of tears in my eyes.  Yes it resembles chevy chase but when you watch
the movie you don’t even think of it because it was funny."

And for some
dumb-ass reason I actually started to think "Maybe "RV" is a funny movie?"

And
so I started to debate in my head, a debate which never should have happened,
but it was simply "Go see "United 93," what is supposed to be a great movie and
maybe be depressed" vs. "Go and see a movie that made my sister laugh her ass
off (and I’m sorry, this is too easy), and since she’s got a pretty big ass,
it’s got to be hilarious."

And so, for some reason, rather than see a movie
getting tons of critical acclaim, even with the subject matter, I decided to go
and see "RV,"
on the recommendation of my sister.

I have one question for my sister, which
she might answer, but probably won’t, especially with the "big ass" comment, but
"What scenes in this movie brought ‘tears in my eyes?’"

For me, it was an okay
movie, but tried to stay too safe.  It was "Vacation"-light.  For my
sister, it sounded like the comedy event of a lifetime.

Now, my niece
supposedly disowned me a couple of weeks ago, I think for a
picture
I posted in my blog.  I thought I might have a chance to get back in her
good graces when I agreed with her that "Scary
Movie 4" was a funny movie, but I’m pretty sure that now, after taking her
Mom’s advice about a funny movie, she’ll never talk to me again (and if she
found the movie as funny as her mom did, I’m going to start to also wonder about
her ability to pick a funny movie).  I hope that’s not the case, because,
from now on, I have a new plan when I get an e-mail from my sister touting the
comedic genius of a movie.  My new plan is this:
 

A: I receive an e-mail from my sister touting the comedic genius of a
recent movie I haven’t seen yet.
2: I make sure I have already seen the trailer for the movie and
immediately begin to question her opinion of comedy.
III: I try to instant message my niece to find out if she went to see the
movie as well.
D: If my niece said she has seen the movie and found it funny, I see
the movie.
Cinco: If my niece said she has seen the movie and couldn’t figure out why
her mother was laughing, I don’t see it.
6: If my niece said she didn’t see the movie, I still don’t see it.
VII: If my niece doesn’t respond to my instant message, over the course
of a day, I will know that she has totally disowned me for actually
taking the advice of her mother for seeing the movie "RV."

So that is my new plan, and I
hope two things right now so that it will work:  A:  My niece hasn’t
disowned me.  2:  My niece didn’t find "RV" nearly as funny as her
mom.

To wrap up this blog, I do have to thank my sister for two things today,
and one is that "RV" did have ample amounts of cleavage.  The other is I
did get one good chuckle during the movie, when Travis comments something like
"Don’t worry.  I’m keeping my eye on them in the rear-view mirror, and he’s
not very good," to which his wife replies, "Neither is his dad." 
A little bit more uplifting than reliving 9/11.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

What’s New? Speaking English in The United States, and When to See “United 93.”

For this podcast, The Dude on the Right talks about his Grandma and her buying a “Polish to English Dictionary,” when he should see “United 93,” and still thinks his entry should have been one of the qualifiers in the “Howard Stern Film Festival.”

Speaking English in The United States, and When to See “United 93.”

By:

The Dude on the Right
The weather here in Chicagoland this weekend is kind of drag, and my choice of
movies to see this weekend came down to "R.V.,"
"Stick
It," and "United 93."  "R.V." was totally out of the question, so it is
coming down to when to see "United 93" or "Stick It."  Movie issues aside,
most of this podcast relates to the issue of speaking English in The United
States.  I give you some stories about my Grandma, who was so proud to be
in this country one of the first things she did was buy a "Polish to English"
dictionary, and lots of ramblings about immigrants.

And, oh yea, our entry
into the Howard Stern Film
Festival didn’t qualify for any awards, but after watching the films that
did qualify, I still think ours was better.  Maybe someday I’ll post it,
but for now there are issues as to not posting it, with one of the major ones
being by posting it, my mom will be able to see it.

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

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It Was Just Supposed to be a Trip to the Grocery Store, not a Blog Entry.

By:

The Dude on the Right
Coming back to the Dude-Pad this evening, I really expected nothing eventful,
but who would have thought a quick trip to the grocery store would have been so,
eventful?  No, that’s not the right word.  Maybe exciting?  Nah,
that’s not it even.  I guess all I can say is it gave me this blog
inspiration.  You can call the story what you want (I’m guessing "boring,"
though I hope "relatable" might be a better word choice), but for me, it was
filled with being a little peeved, being a good sport, watching a crash, being a
lot peeved, trying not to get in a car crash, and grinning.  All of that
with a little trip to a grocery store.

Anyway, like I said, I’m on the way
back to the Dude-Pad and realize there are a couple of things I needed to pick
up for dinner.  Actually there were three things I needed, two for dinner,
and one for my super-fancy heating & cooling system.  It was when I got
back home and I walked past my thermostat that I said, under-my-breath, 
"Fuck."  That was because I also needed some batteries for the thermostat,
which has been screaming at me for a couple of weeks to replace its batteries. 
Okay, not really screaming, just blinking indiscriminately "Replace batteries." 
Fine, I forgot the batteries, but I digress.  Let’s get back to the grocery
store.

So I pull into the parking lot, get an okay space, and I get a little
peeved.  It’s not something someone did to me, it’s what someone did to
someone else.  What heinous act did someone do?  They were too "f"-in
lazy to put their shopping cart in the cart-corral.  And you know what,
they were also too "f"-in lazy to even get their cart out of the way. 
Nope, they left it right behind another car.  Being the nice guy I am, and
it wasn’t too much of a diversion, I grabbed the cart and proceeded to corral it
in the cart-corral.  Man, I’m such a good dude.

I make it into the store,
grab the two things I need, and view a fantastic "cart into
person-walking-too-fast-and-not-paying-attention-as-they-got-to-the-end-of-an-isle"
crash.  I love these crashes because it’s like this person getting plowed
over by a shopping cart has never been in a grocery store before.  Ah, some
humor before soon being pissed.

And I was soon to be pissed.

Most of the
lines were long, but my local grocery store has four "self check-out" areas. 
Because of this the grocery store got rid of the "Express" lanes with an actual
checker, but my leaving should be short and swift, until, well, I get to the
self check-outs, and they are filled with people who have totally full shopping
carts.  What totally boggles my mind is that these people have no concept
that if they had actually gotten in a full-service line, their trip would
probably be shorter.  Why?  Because a normal line, with a checker and
a bagger, can knock out a full cart of groceries in no time, let alone a couple
or three, rather than you, the shopper, reaching into your cart, trying to get
the item to scan (God forbid you have to actually look up a fruit or vegetable
product code), bag it, fill up the bag, move the bag out of the bagging area and
back into your cart, and continuing this maddening cycle, when all I have are
two items to scan, bag, pay, and get the hell out of the store.  But no,
YOU THINK YOU ARE SAVING TIME BY TAKING YOUR FULL CART OF GROCERIES THROUGH THE
SELF CHECK-OUT LANE BUT ALL IT REALLY SHOWS IS THAT YOU ARE A COMPLETE HORSE’S
ASS!!!!!!

A couple of people line up behind me, and we all shake our heads at
the assholes in front of us.  Finally a spot opens up and about one minute
later, I am out the door.  God I hate inconsiderate people sometimes.

But
my trip to the grocery wasn’t finished, and I’m not exactly sure if I can put
the ending of this into words, but I’ll try.

I get to my car, safely stow my
bag of two items, which should have been three if I had bought the damn
batteries I still need, but anyway, I start to pull out of the grocery store
parking lot.  There I am, dude-mobile at the exit, looking to make a right
turn.  The road’s a little busy, I keep looking to the left to see if it’s
clear, and then a big ol’ SUV pulls up next to me in the left-turn lane.  I
can sort of see through his windows to see if my turn is clear, but can’t budge
any further forward because that would have put the nose of my mobile 1/4 into
the traffic lane.  I’m fine with that, but then he pulls forward just a tad
and now my window-viewing access is gone (to all people in SUVs –  You can
lag back a bit behind us shorter cars because you can see over us.  Unlike
Superman, I can’t see through metal you fucking assholes!  Quit being
pricks.  I’m sorry, back to trying to turn.)  Anyway, we’re sort of at
a stand-off.  I can’t see what’s coming from the left, the SUV prick is
still waiting to turn, and now the jerk-off behind me is getting impatient. 
All of a sudden the SUV sprints out into the street and gets his left turn,
followed quickly by a car in the lane I want to be in, cruising by.  And
then the miserable douche-bag behind me honks his horn.

There are many horn
honks.  There is the slight tap horn honk which nicely says "You are
daydreaming, but the light has turned green so get going" one.  There is
the longer horn honk which urges "Hey, we’ve been sitting here for a couple of
seconds with the light green and you are still putting on make-up.  Get
your dumb-ass going" one.  Then there is the "I’m an impatient prick and I
can’t see why you didn’t put yourself in harm’s way even though you couldn’t see
how quickly someone was coming from the other direction who might slam into your
car as you pull out of this grocery store parking lot" one.  The miserable
douche-bag behind me used the latter.

I’m not a road-rage kind of person, I
usually just kind of take it in stride, but looking in my rear-view mirror, I
could see this dude was really annoyed.  But there were still cars coming
my way, so I couldn’t safely make a turn, and then, finally, a little gap opens
up, and I safely make my right turn, with room, for really, only one car to
safely make the turn.  But not douche-bag man behind me.  Nope, he
quickly darts into the lane, makes the turn, and as I see him in my rear-view
mirror, I mutter to myself, "What an asshole."

Inquisitive as I am (and hoping
this dude isn’t a total psycho and trying to catch me), I keep checking my
rear-view mirror, and I now see him, leaning over to the passenger seat, trying
to clean up some spilling.  From the looks of things it looked like his
impatience made him spill his groceries all over the front seat, and in my head
I said to myself, "Self, you see, impatient douche-bags get their own payback in
the end."  I couldn’t help but grin, as I watched the dude in my rear-view
mirror trying to clean up the mess in his front seat, but then worried, just a
tad, that now this prick was going to rear-end me because he wasn’t paying attention to the world around him, let alone, the car, my car, in front of him.

Well, he didn’t rear-end
me, and I made it home, safe and sound, and now wrote a blog longer than some
reviews I write.  Oh well, I hope I at least depicted my trip to the
grocery store in a way most of you can understand, or could at least relate.

And, oh yea, in case you were wondering, and I’ll bet you weren’t, but dinner
turned out fabulous (fresh garlic and some good wine never hurt).

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

 

What’s New? The Dude on the Right’s “American Idol” Wrap-Up: The Dude Liked Katharine’s Dress; The Dude’s Mom, not so Much.

For this podcast, The Dude on the Right takes the blame for the lack of a “Stu & The Dude Weekend Wrap-Up” this week, but lets it loose with his comments on the “American Idol” performances this week, and his fascination with “Deal or No Deal.” The Dude only has one problem with Katharine McPhee, and that is that he thinks she smiles too much.