I Should Never Listen to My Sister, and Oh Favorite Niece of Mine, Please Don’t Disown Me!

By:

The Dude on the Right

It’s Sunday morning and the weather is pretty crappy.  It’s windy, a little
cooler, with a big douse or rain.  I get myself out of bed, take a shower,
and suddenly get the hankering for a McGriddle sandwich.  While cleaning
the soap off of my svelte body, with my breakfast plans firmly implanted in my
head, I planned my day:  Get dressed, head to my
McDonald’s
Drive-Thru, get back home, read my Sunday paper, eat my breakfast, and
eventually head to the movies.  While reading my paper (I had to buy one
because my delivered copy was soaked thanks to the rain, but I digress), Stu called me after
dropping Mama Gotz at the airport.  He just wanted to chat a bit, asked me
my plans for the day, and I told him I was going to see "United
93
," the movie about 9/11 and the plane that crashed.  He said he would
be interested to hear my take about it on Monday, as well as fill him in a
little bit more about the movie "Stick
It
," which I saw on Saturday.

With the topic of the movie "United 93," I
was sort of psyching myself up for it.  I knew it wasn’t going to give me
any laughs, would bring some flashbacks to some television memories I could do
without, but in a way, I wanted to be somewhat inspired by the bravery of the
folks on the plane.  I figured I would sit in the theater after the movie
ended and reflect a little, make my way back to the dude-pad, and type up
reviews for "Stick It," United 93," and maybe a blog about my reaction to the
"United 93" movie.  I would get things posted, then sit back and watch "The
Sopranos
" wondering if

Artie
really did get his cooking mojo back, and if they were going to find

Vito
.  My day was planned.  It would be a little bit happy, a
little bit sad, and some work would even get done.

Then I got an e-mail from
my sister that ruined my entire day.

The beginning of it simply started: 
"You should of went to go and see RV.  I laughed my ass off.  To the
point of tears in my eyes.  Yes it resembles chevy chase but when you watch
the movie you don’t even think of it because it was funny."

And for some
dumb-ass reason I actually started to think "Maybe "RV" is a funny movie?"

And
so I started to debate in my head, a debate which never should have happened,
but it was simply "Go see "United 93," what is supposed to be a great movie and
maybe be depressed" vs. "Go and see a movie that made my sister laugh her ass
off (and I’m sorry, this is too easy), and since she’s got a pretty big ass,
it’s got to be hilarious."

And so, for some reason, rather than see a movie
getting tons of critical acclaim, even with the subject matter, I decided to go
and see "RV,"
on the recommendation of my sister.

I have one question for my sister, which
she might answer, but probably won’t, especially with the "big ass" comment, but
"What scenes in this movie brought ‘tears in my eyes?’"

For me, it was an okay
movie, but tried to stay too safe.  It was "Vacation"-light.  For my
sister, it sounded like the comedy event of a lifetime.

Now, my niece
supposedly disowned me a couple of weeks ago, I think for a
picture
I posted in my blog.  I thought I might have a chance to get back in her
good graces when I agreed with her that "Scary
Movie 4
" was a funny movie, but I’m pretty sure that now, after taking her
Mom’s advice about a funny movie, she’ll never talk to me again (and if she
found the movie as funny as her mom did, I’m going to start to also wonder about
her ability to pick a funny movie).  I hope that’s not the case, because,
from now on, I have a new plan when I get an e-mail from my sister touting the
comedic genius of a movie.  My new plan is this:
 

A: I receive an e-mail from my sister touting the comedic genius of a
recent movie I haven’t seen yet.
2: I make sure I have already seen the trailer for the movie and
immediately begin to question her opinion of comedy.
III: I try to instant message my niece to find out if she went to see the
movie as well.
D: If my niece said she has seen the movie and found it funny, I see
the movie.
Cinco: If my niece said she has seen the movie and couldn’t figure out why
her mother was laughing, I don’t see it.
6: If my niece said she didn’t see the movie, I still don’t see it.
VII: If my niece doesn’t respond to my instant message, over the course
of a day, I will know that she has totally disowned me for actually
taking the advice of her mother for seeing the movie "RV."

So that is my new plan, and I
hope two things right now so that it will work:  A:  My niece hasn’t
disowned me.  2:  My niece didn’t find "RV" nearly as funny as her
mom.

To wrap up this blog, I do have to thank my sister for two things today,
and one is that "RV" did have ample amounts of cleavage.  The other is I
did get one good chuckle during the movie, when Travis comments something like
"Don’t worry.  I’m keeping my eye on them in the rear-view mirror, and he’s
not very good," to which his wife replies, "Neither is his dad." 
A little bit more uplifting than reliving 9/11.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

  • no longer your sister

    just for your info your niece didn’t go see the movie RV she went to Stick it and said you can stick it. 🙂 You will be proud of her. And from now on I will keep my opions to my self. And you shouldn’t talk about fat asses their beer belly brother
    P.S. One more year and the BIG 40 for you. :))) Like Mikey would say “Been there done that”

  • mikey

    Mom…I gave you a list of the meanings/forms of the word “There, Their, and They’re” could you please us it?