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Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
Movie Stats & Links

Starring: Angelina Jolie, Daniel Craig, Iain Glen, Daniel Craig, Leslie Phillips, Chris Barrie, Jon Voight
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Web Site: www.tombraidermovie.com
Date Movie: Better for the dudes.
Gratuitous Sex: You get a nice, side shot of Angelina's breasts.
Gratuitous Violence: It's mostly rock creatures getting shot up.
Action: Lots.  And then some more.
Laughs: There's a chuckle here and there.
Memorable Scene: The movie's a video game.
Memorable Quote: Nah.
Directed By: Simon West
Produced By: Lawrence Gordon, Lloyd Levin, Colin Wilson

Lara Croft:
Tomb Raider

A Movie Review

MPAA Rated - PG-13

It's 1:41 Long

A Review by
The Dude on the Right
I canít say that I didnít enjoy "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider." I did. I think so did most of the young teenage boys, and yes, there was even some smatterings of applause at the end and people actually cheered when Lara Croft whacked the dude in the head with the back tire of her motorcycle. So am I saying something was wrong? Well, I just think it could have been more. Now thatís not a bad thing, itís just how do you write a review about a movie that is so much like watching a video game that itís scary.

"Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" gives us probably the only person who could pull off transforming the busty, kick-ass video game champion onto the big screen and that person is Angelina Jolie. She had the sass, she had the figure, and she and her stunt people had all of the moves. The story, well, plays out just like a video game. This one has the bad guys trying to recover these two pieces of a triangle and put them back together at just the right time so that they can control the world (putting the triangle back together gives that person the ability to travel through time, thus changing any event in history that doesnít fit with their master plan). Itís up to Lara to get in the way of their plan at the request of her father (Jon Voight) in a letter from the grave (heís dead). And honestly, thatís about all you really need to know about the plot because, well, the only purpose of the plot seems to be to have Lara have adventures you would find if you bought the video game series.

Why do I say this? Well, the movie gives you cool locations, from the jungle to the arctic, just like the games. The movie also gives you Lara in skimpy outfits, just like the games. The movie also gives you a big, bad monster character (in this movieís case a giant Buddha-like monster, made of stone) that you have to have all of your weapons to kill (Lara needed a few more gun clips) or come up with an ingenious use of your surroundings (Lara does), just like the games. And quite honestly, if youíve ever played video games similar to the Tomb Raider series, you know that after you accomplish the first challenge there is the movie scene during the game where your character discusses the next course of action Ė the movie had those too. Quite honestly, if you could somehow take your Tomb Raider game, set it so that Lara would do everything needed to get through and save the world automatically, you would have the same thing as the movie. But I still liked it.

"Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" doesnít really give you any surprises, gives you a pretty dorky story, but will give you some really cool action sequences Angelina is smokiní hot in this role. What else to you want?

So why do I think it could have been more? I guess because I wanted a story like an Indiana Jones type with a kick-ass hero, or in this case heroine, kinda like Neo in "The Matrix." I got the kick-ass heroine, but itís the story that destroyed this movie. Why did the Indiana Jones series work? I think maybe because the stories were based on religious lore, i.e., the power of the Ark, the belief in the Holy Grail, and the stories of not so much the Shankara stones, but more in the black magic going on behind the scenes. "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" gave us a story that was just too out there to even try to believe it for one minute. Although, now that I think about it, maybe thatís why I did like the movie Ė the plot was so dumb I didnít dwell on it and just enjoyed the kick-ass action. Iím so confused.

In the end "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" will give you what you can expect. Letís tally some stars. Itís two stars for the cool action, two stars for Jolie playing Lara Croft and even almost bearing her breasts, one star for some pretty cool set designs, but Iíve got to knock off 1 Ĺ stars for that dumb-ass story. That leaves things at 3 Ĺ stars out of 5 for "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider."

Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

 

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