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The Time Machine
Movie Stats & Links

Starring: Yancey Arias, Guy Pearce, Jeremy Irons, Philip Bosco, Phyllida Law
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Dreamworks SKG
Web Site: timemachine.countingdown.com
Kiddie Movie: Not too young, the Morlocks are kinda scary.
Date Movie: She might get scared and snuggle, or just be pissed you took her to this movie.
Gratuitous Sex: Would have helped.
Gratuitous Violence: The Morlocks are scary, but you don't really see too much gore.
Action: The Morlocks chase people.
Laughs: Just that I actually was enjoying the movie for a little while.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Gore Verbinski, Simon Wells
Produced By: Walter F. Parkes, David Valdes

The Time Machine
A Movie Review

MPAA Rated - PG-13

It's 1:36 Long

A Review by
The Dude on the Right
I was sort of buying "The Time Machine" until the end scenes with the Uber-Morlock, leader of the Morlocks. Now, I donít know if anything like that was in the original movie, I donít know if it was in the book, but at that point I just couldnít take how stupid Alexander Hartdegen (Guy Pierce) was, as was the movie.

The story kinda goes as follows: Alexander is a scientist obsessed with time but can never be on time. When his new fiancť, Emma (Sienna Guillory), gets killed, he goes on his quest to make his time machine so he can go back and save Emma from getting killed. So he stops her from getting killed by the robber, but now she gets squashed by a "horseless carriage." No "third times a charm" to try and save Emma, nope, Alexander gives up and heads to the future. Ainít love grand! In the future he happens upon a museum in New York City, finds out from the hologram of the museum curator-type person, Vox (Orlando Jones), that no one has invented a time machine yet, then as the moon is exploding he bumps his head and ends up 800,000 years into the future where he is taken in by the Eloi, specifically Mara (Samantha Mumba), who live on cliffs so the Morlocks canít get them at night. Alright, fine, humans survived but a strange creature has evolved, the Morlocks, who take the humans to breed and eat. Sure, Alexander is falling for Mara, and why not, sheís hot and speaks English (not the normal native tongue of the Eloi), and when Mara gets kidnapped, Alexander goes to save her. Fine, letís have Alexander show the Eloi that they can fight the Morlocks instead of being sissies hoping they arenít the one to be taken next. But no, in his quest to save her we get the Uber-Morlock, some dude who has the mental powers to control the Morlocks, send disturbing dreams to the Eloi, and now Alexander has to save the world. At this point I was snapped back into reality that "The Time Machine" was really just a hodgepodge of a story that when you think about it, really doesnít make any sense.

As cool as it was seeing the earth evolve, "The Time Machine" just has you wonder what kind of dope this Alexander guy really is. He quits trying to save Emma after two tries, he only makes a couple of stops into the future until he bips himself in the noggin and wakes up on a cliff, and how does he figure out that his time machine can be used as a weapon? It just ended up being too convoluted to believe. So with that I give "The Time Machine" 2 stars out of 5. Wait for the rental and send the kids to bed early so they donít have nightmares about the Morlocks.

Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

 

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