Movie Stats & Links
||Ewen McGregor, Scarlett
Johansson, Dijmon Hounsou, Steve Buscemi
||You'd probably have to explain
way too much to them. Leave them at home.
||If it was a better movie, I'd say
||One scene where Lincoln and
Jordan get it on, but no nudity.
||Some pretty intense scenes.
||What you would expect from
||Some here and there.
||Jordan in her first visit to a
||Tom to Lincoln: "You're kickin'
around with her and your a virgin?
||Michael Bay, Walter F. Parkes,
A lot of people have been saying that movies like "Bad
News Bears" and "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" had
no need to be redone because the originals were so good.
Fine, that might be your opinion, but I appreciated the new
versions. I can see you scratching your head right now maybe
thinking something like "I thought this was a review about
ĎThe Island,í whatís with the ĎBad News Bearsí and that
Charlie movie?" Well, Iím kinda hoping that in about ten
years someone takes "The Island" and actually does it right
because it had so much potential until, as Director Michael
Bay is want to do, it became a chase/unbelievable
stunt/this-that-or-the-other fest. Hereís the storyÖ
A Movie Review
We are quickly introduced to Lincoln Six Echo (Ewan
McGregor) and Jordan Two Delta (Scarlett Johansson). They
are living in this precisely monitored society where itís
not too good to have your proximity too close to a member of
the opposite sex and they check your pee in the morning to
see if your sodium intake is too high, adjusting your diet
accordingly. Your life is a strict regimen with some slight
education, rigorous exercise, and menial work. All of the
normal residents are dressed in white uniforms, while the
keepers of the peace in the community have more of a black
uniform. Your day is highlighted by seeing new people who
have been rescued from the contamination of the outside
world, and the chance that you might finally win the
lottery, your prize being let outside of this world and onto
the only habitable place left on earth, with plush greens
and a beautiful beach, known simply as The Island.
What the residents donít know is that they are clones of
the wealthy and the powerful living in this temporary world
until something goes wrong with their counterpart in the
real world, and when you are off to The Island, itís pretty
much sayonara because it might some skin, it might be your
baby, it might be an organ or two, but you, the unknowing
clone, are now off for chopping up and disposal. Sounds a
little unethical, doesnít it? Well, the rub is that the
folks running the joint are pulling the wool over the
publicís eye because the clones arenít really supposed to be
thinking beings, but they found out the only way to keep the
organs going is to give the clones some kind of life. But
what the public doesnít know wonít hurt anyone, except the
clones that is, especially when there are trillions and
trillions of dollars involved.
Back to Lincoln and Jordan. It seems Lincoln has been
having secret meetings with McCord (Steve Buscemi), who is a
computer tech in the real world, and who knows what is
really going on. Now, unlike most of the clones, Lincoln is
inquisitive, wondering things, and both he and Jordan are
having feelings for each other, but because no one teaches
them about sex and the proximity alerts pretty much keep the
girls from bumping into your willy and giving you that weird
sensation you got in puberty, they donít get it on (at least
not yet). Anyway, one night Lincoln sneaks away, up some
stairs, and finds the real hospital, and finds out what
really happens to people who leave for The Island. Now
paranoid because Jordan is scheduled for departure in the
morning, he grabs her and they escape the complex. Thereís
some nice help in the outside world from McCord, who
explains to Lincoln and Jordan what their fate is, and that
maybe, if the outside world could find out the clones are
really alive, they could save all of their friends from
their eventual fates. Up to this point we have had some
chasing, but really just a good thriller.
Sadly, this is where the movie departs from an ethical
thriller into a pile of crap.
Now, I know, we should expect with Michael Bay on board
that some cool chases and stuff blowing up would happen, but
dude, most of it was unnecessary and all of it so over that
top that it ruined a potentially fabulous story. Enter some
crazed Special Op dudes who really seem to suck at their
jobs because our heroes stay alive way too long, enter some
flying motorcycles, which, I suppose we are in the future
and all, but just seemed more ludicrous than a standard
helicopter, and enter a scene where our heroes are trapped
like 60 stories up, on the outside of the building, and the
giant letter they are holed up on comes crashing down, and
low and behold, they survive because there is this net
nearby. Honestly, for me, they probably could have saved
like fifty million dollars by not having all this excess
crap, just have some normal chasing of Lincoln and Jordan by
the bad guys, and let the story work itself out.
Wrapping this up, Iím giving "The Island" 1 Ĺ stars out
of 5, but damn I donít really want to. This movie could have
easily hit a 4 or 5 starrer with the absence of the
overblown crap. The story was fascinating as our two heroes
work to meet their counterparts, coming to grips with their
reality, and McGregor and Johansson did some great work,
especially for about the first half of the film. When they
ultimately hit the real world, Jordan is fine, but now
Lincoln just seems too smart for only having the education
level of a 15 year old (yes, they try to explain this by
saying somehow Lincoln received the memories of his donor,
but Iím not buying it). Wait for cable for this one, sadly.
Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!!