Well it’s been awhile since my last "Trash" and the past few weeks have been
pretty rough in the news. I mean we have not seen a drunken Britney sighting in
weeks (except for the supposed lame concert she put on in L.A. yesterday) and at
this point I would love to see Jessica Simpson shave her head just to bring
humor back to the news. Instead we keep hearing about people killing people –
Pretty much a bummer, so I needed to put some thought into this trash.
So what has gone all crazy these days that nut jobs are going around and
shooting up people and places??? Think about it: There have been bullies for
decades, there have been bad parents for decades, there have been video games
since Atari, and we stressed over making sure aliens were dead or the asteroid
was destroyed, but you didn’t see my generation freaking out. Much.
Soooooo, what changed?!?
Well it hit me like the smell of Britney’s un-pantied crotch. Global Warming.
I think some tax dollars need to be spent on this one – Global Warming I mean
and not the smell of Britney’s un-pantied crotch, and maybe they could also
throw some money on researching why people think all Catholics must like Notre
Dame football (This year’s star player picked in the NFL draft at number
twenty-"what" instead of number five? Hee-hee!)
Think about it – The oceans are getting hotter. Did ya ever run into the
ocean and feel angry? Hell no, unless you realized your car keys were in your
pocket and they just went out to sea. When you run into the ocean you feel
refreshed, calm, cool. So, with the ocean being a smidge warmer, a dip in the
ocean just isn’t that damn refreshing and as a result you get pissed and can’t
cope with life.
Think about it, again – The weather is getting warmer up North. Did ya ever
run out into the snow as a kid (not as an adult, adults are always angry about
snow) and feel angry? Hell no, unless you realized your brother had a kick-ass,
ice packed, snowball to throw at the back of your head. When you run outside,
into the snow, you feel refreshed, calm, cool. So, with the weather in the North
being a smidge warmer, running out into the snow just isn’t that damn
refreshing, and as a result you get pissed and can’t cope with life.
So I guess until this research comes out and "experts" (my favorite kind of
people) tell us what the research means, my advice is… COPE WITH LIFE! It has
sucked for generations before us and will suck for generations after us. Find
humor, keep smiling, and you will survive and succeed beyond your (or any of the
bullying bastards) expectations.
And, oh yea, quit with the shooting up of people and places, it just pisses
me off and since the ocean isn’t as refreshing anymore I’m having trouble coping
with your not coping with life. Maybe I should have bought a plane ticket
to L.A. to see The M+M’s concert, I mean Britney Spears, to set me straight for
a couple of weeks.