Garth Brooks Probably Isn’t Touring, and I Missed Dreaming of Boobs.


The Dude on the Right

first I was going to blog about going to see the Chicago Cubs play yesterday,
how it was cool to see the flyovers because the Air & Water Show is in town, and
how my friends and I were actually on TV during the broadcast. But partially
since I haven’t been able to dub the video yet as proof we were on TV, but more
because I sort of feel duped, or at least stupid, so I thought I would write a
little about Garth Brooks.

You might be thinking something right now like
"Garth Brooks?  Isn’t he retired?" to which I would reply, "So I thought,"
but it started last night, when I finally got home from the Cubs’ game and
checked my Google homepage.  It has some links to RSS feeds I read, and one
was from the

Cleveland Plain Dealer
mentioning Garth preparing a comeback, "a new
three-disc album, and, quite possibly, a concert tour."  It mentioned a
press conference at
this morning.  So I go to the web site and sure
enough, there is a header stating "You’ve heard the rumors, now get the answers. 
Straight from Garth Brooks."

For whatever reason I totally bought into a
blurb, in a blog, from a newspaper in Cleveland, OH, and quickly posted an entry
at our sister-site,
rumoring about a tour.  Then I went to bed with
visions of Garth putting out an unprecedented release of new material, going
back on tour, and dragging our staff member Trash to

another concert and press conference
where she can stare at his butt.

I woke up this morning, didn’t get myself a gun, but I did do some more internet
searching wondering about this wondrous announcement.  I checked Billboard,
checked CMT, checked here and there and everywhere, but there didn’t seem to be
any "surprise" announcements.  And as my morning was progressing I had two
options:  Sit around and wait for Garth’s press conference, supposedly to
be carried online, at 11:45AM my time, or go and see
Thank God I went to see "Superbad."

After laughing a lot in the theater I got
back home, eager to see news of the press conference on the Garth Brooks web
site.  Nothing, it still just showed the announcement of a press conference
(figured they would at least have a replay link somewhere).  No headlines
on Yahoo, nothing new on Google, then I went to the site to
see if they had anything, but there wasn’t any new news on their homepage,
either.  I remembered they had a forum area, surely something has to be
listed there, and finally I found out that Garth Brooks squashed most of the
visions that were dancing in my head the night before.

Now, although the
Cleveland newspaper blog wasn’t exactly wrong, from what I have found out Garth
will be releasing a "box" set called "The Ultimate Hits" which will include 30
old songs you probably own, and four new songs, with the first single being
"More Than a Memory."  The box will also include a DVD featuring 33 videos
of the 34 songs in the box.  Garth said he doesn’t plan on touring but will
promoting the bejesus out of the thing, and from what most of the Planet Garth
posted said, Garth is looking hot as ever, looking to have lost a good deal of

With the news announcement, and being selfish I will put this out to

Dear Garth,
I know you are loving spending time with your daughters, and with Trisha, but if
you ever wanted to tour, and give your girls an experience of their lifetime,
you may not have a better time than now.  Right now your daughters are at
that age when you still have a little bit of control, and if you took them on
tour with you, especially with a double bill with Trisha, you could pull off
that world tour that lets them see the world, in ways they could never imagine,
all under the protective watch of their Dad.  They get to see the world, we
get to see, again, one of the greatest concert performers of all time, your
daughters get to spend your money buying lots of stuff around the world (oh,
wait, scratch that last remark), and they get introduced to some of the safer
ways to experience the world rather than finding out, in their late teens or
early twenties, their ways to experience the world.  Yes, this is sort of
selfish of me, because I would love to see you in concert again, but I’m just
throwing it out there for you, because unlike the McGraw kids, your daughters
are old enough to forever remember a tour with you.
The Dude on the Right

P.S.  I’ll still buy "The Ultimate Hits," because
I’m a fan, but damn, I miss you man.

And so, letter to Garth aside, I feel
bummed that I let myself get roped into the wind of internet rumor, about a
tour, and 30 new songs.  I should have done a little bit more internet
searching before going to bed last night so that visions of the girl with nice
boobs behind me at the Cubs’ game danced in my head rather than that vision of
Garth touring, but then again, at a Garth concert, there are lots of girls with
nice boobs.  Garth, please give me a three disc set of new material (I’ve
got some songs if you want) and a new tour, rather than a box set of old stuff,
and only four things that are new.  You know what, as I think about it,
never mind – I don’t have daughters and I don’t have a wife – I guess I can’t
understand.  Wait a minute, that’s a country song, and it’s mine, unless,
Garth, you want …

That’s it for this one! 
I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!