Carrot Top Questions & Answers	March, 1998 Chicago, IL A Interview by Stu Gotz

Stu Gotz interviews Carrot Top.

Let me tell you it wasn't an easy thing for me to do, especially when he asked for my honest opinion of the movie. I partially lied to his face, but we both agreed that the movie was geared for a younger audience. Scott, if I may call him that, said that he really wanted to go a little more blue with the movie, but whenever he tried to use a bad word the producers response was always "Nope. Let's keep it real clean." So he asked them "We can't have one 'fuck' or one 'shit'?" "No," they replied, "Not even a 'damm'." "Fuck," he thought.

 

Carrot Top

As my interview went along, we continued to talk about the movie, and Scott told me that he had yet to see the final cut of the film. He did question me as to what I thought of his sex scene, and I guess I got to break the news to him that it must have been cut because the closest I saw to that was a kissing scene between him and Courtney Thorne-Smith. I saw the disappointment in his face as to the apparent cutting of the sex scene, and he explained he was sort of surprised it didn't make it in the film, considering that he gave them "a lot of footage" to use for the scene. I sort of chuckled, but did question the kissing scene, to which he quipped that he paid off the director so that he would have to do a lot of retakes. I didn't blame him - Hey, Courtney Thorne-Smith is a babe! I would have donated my entire check for kissing scene with her, and probably given extra if it would mean a sex scene!

Also in "Chairman of the Board" is Raquel Welch, and she is looking FINE!!! I couldn't let this interview go by without talking about her, so I jokingly asked Scott how a woman who is, what, like a hundred and five (alright, maybe not, but she's getting up there), anyway, "How is it that the old coot is still looking so good?" He told me that she brought her own make-up and lighting people for the few days she worked on the set, plus, she got some big bucks, to go along with her big tits, for her couple days of work.

I didn't have too much time for this interview, so as much as I wanted to know some things about the movie, I wanted to find out some things about Carrot Top, the person. And what better way than to ask him some of our favorite questions we have gotten from our readers. So, the continuing conversation went something like this:

  What do you remember most about your first car?
(Jokingly)"That it wasn't mine. I had to always get it back to the neighbor's garage before they found out."
(Seriously) "It wouldn't start... I remember banging on the solenoid with a hammer... I thought that was pretty embarrassing."

What's a good way to get rid of warts?
"Stop fucking frogs."

Is it OK to lie to someone you love in order to avoid hurting their feelings?
"I'd have to say yes because I've done that too many times to say no... I know people who lie to me every day and go 'No, you're actually a good looking guy' - I've been told that... I've had people tell me 'You're quite charming,' 'You're quite cute,' 'You have beautiful cheek bones,' all that bullshit, right? So yes there has to be some kind of lie that is OK... 'Cuz you know what, it makes me feel better... I know I'm not a good looking guy, so when they go 'Oh no, you're quite charming,' I go 'You're a lying bastard'... As long as it makes them feel better without hurting their feelings, then yeah."

What are your thoughts on body piercing?
"It looks like they got into a fishing accident. I don't get that... I had a friend that had it done and every time he would walk by a refrigerator things would leap off, magnets would leap off onto his face."

How, or should, a girl tell her boyfriend that his small penis doesn't satisfy her?
"Wow... This is something for 'Love-Line'... Umm... Ehh... Well... I think if she wants the relationship to work she's gonna have to say 'Look spanky,' umm... Bring in the size of a dildo that would satisfy her and say 'I'm looking for something like this in my life' and 'You're a dick, but I need a dick this big'... She's gonna have to figure out a way he can satisfy her with a strap-on, is what I'm thinking... You didn't write this question, did you? It's not your little dick were talking about is it?" "No" I responded "but I do have a little dick." "I don't know," he continued "Cuz mine always gets in the way of my sneakers... Maybe he can satisfy her a different way without using his penis... Yeah, be creative and use other ways to satisfy her... And if she wants a man to satisfy her with his penis, I'll be over in ten minutes."

You've done live stand-up, you had specials, and you've done a movie. What's next?
"Infomercials...If Danny Bonaduce did it... Yeah, with hair products, creams and gels... (chuckling) Hopefully another film... Something a little more of what I would like to do... Believe it or not one day I would love to make a romantic comedy... I would love to do movies... I did do something in 'Dennis The Menace Two' that's coming out, I think, in a couple months, where I play characters... I'm like an Indian, a construction worker, a roofer... I'm like the Village People in a movie... I would hope just more movies, and maybe another shot at this, do another one of these with you, find out some more e-mail questions about penis' being too small..."

And so, with that, my allotted time with Carrot Top was through. I asked him if he wanted to blow off his next interview and head over to Hooters for some lunch, but after making some breast jokes, he politely declined. We shook hands, (I really hope he did wash them after going to the bathroom), and although I still hold a slight grudge against him for wasting an hour and a half of my life watching his movie, I'm still can't blame him too much because he got to make-out with Courtney Thorne-Smith!