27 Dresses

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:47 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

27 Dresses
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Katherine Heigl, James Marsden, Malin Akerman, Judy Greer, Edward Burns
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Fox 2000 Pictures
Kiddie Movie: The girls might like the frilly dresses but the boys will hate you forever.
Date Movie: It’s really a dudette night out flick.
Gratuitous Sex: There’s some gettingit on but no nudity.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nope.
Laughs: Probably more for the ladies.
Memorable Scene: In the bar singing"Benny and the Jets."
Memorable Quote: "That selfish whore."
Directed By: Anne Flether
Produced By: Roger Birnbaum, Gary Barber, Jonathan Glickman

I’m still trying to figure out what went wrong. See, there I am, waiting for the trailers to start, munching on a giant pretzel, when three hot dudettes walk in with no rings on that special finger. It’s single ladies morning out! This might be it, my dream of picking up women in the movie theater. One, I’m sitting by myself at the movie “27 Dresses”; Two, I’ve got on my raggedy, white sweatshirt; Three, I haven’t shaved in two days; and four, this morning, when I woke up, resigned to the sweatshirt and not shaving, well, there was no extra effort made to make my hair look nice either. It must have taken all that they had not to just jump me right there in the theater, or maybe they were lesbians. In any case I was still sitting by myself, watching the movie.

Anyway, as far as “27 Dresses,” if you saw the trailer you pretty much saw the movie, and trust me, there are no surprises at all in the movie. Kathering Heigl plays Jane. All of her life she has been the perfect bridesmaid, able to organize every wedding to perfection, even able to juggle two weddings going on at the same time. She’s in love with her boss, George (Edward Burns), but can never muster the nerve to let him know about her feelings and when she finally does get the nerve, well, enter Jane’s sister, Tess (Malin Akerman). Of course George and Tess hit it off, and now Jane is planning Tess’ wedding to the man that she is in love with. But enter Kevin (James Marsden). He’s a writer for the society section of the newspaper, reporting on weddings, and after finding Jane’s calendar book realizes there is an interesting story about her.

Yea, you can already guess a bunch of things, namely that Kevin and Jane are meant to hook up, Jane realizes George isn’t the man for her, Tess is a bitch, and everyone lives happily ever after.

Look, “27 Dresses” is a cookie-cutter movie about the wedding thing, about the girl looking for her true love, and dudes, do yourself a favor by letting your dudettes have a dudette night out when she wants to see this movie. I can get sucked into many a romantic comedy, and as great as Katherine Heigl is in her role of Jane, this movie has absolutely no testosterone quotient, even with Malin Akerman wearing low-cut tops. Sure, I did chuckle at some moments, but this movie is really one for the ladies.

For dudettes the movie is probably 4 stars out of 5, for dudes it’s more like 1 star out of 5. Average them together gives the movie 2 ½ stars out of 5, but for Katherine Heigl doing a great job in her leading role, and the spitfire nature of her friend and co-worker, Casey (Judy Greer), I’ll add ½ star giving “27 Dresses” 3 stars out of 5.

The movie doesn’t try to trick you into anything it isn’t, so I suppose going in you will get everything you expect, even a nice montage of Jane trying on her 27 bridesmaid’s dresses. Katherine Heigl, though, deserves more than a cookie-cutter wedding movie.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!


MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s Too Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Movie Stats & Links
Starring: John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Oliver Platt, Woody Harrelson
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Distributed By: www.whowillsurvive2012.com
Kiddie Movie: Only if you want them to be paranoid their house will fall into the Earth.
Date Movie: She might get snuggly, or hate you for taking her to this film.
Gratuitous Sex: Amanda Peet getting naked would have helped.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of people die. It is about the end of the Earth after all.
Action: There’s a lot of trying to outrun geological catastrophes.
Laughs: Most of the movie.
Memorable Scene: Too many “Oh, come on.” scenes to list.
Memorable Quote: “No we’re not, we’re going to die.” and “That’s great. Open the God damn door!”
Directed By: Roland Emmerich
Produced By: Harald Kloser, Mark Gordon, Larry Franco

I will say this, after watching “2012” I will no longer be in the market for an SUV – Nope, I’m buying a limo!

Well, the world is on the verge of disaster again, and who better than Roland Emmerich to destroy it, only this time the evil villains are neutrinos, sub-atomic particles that, following some Sun activity, decide to heat up the Earth’s core like it were in a microwave oven.  Sadly this will cause the Earth’s crust to, well, I’m not really sure, but tectonic plates will shift, the Earth will shake, tsunamis will swallow the world, and humanity will die, that is unless the Chinese can build some arks for a batch of human to hang out in until the trouble is over.  Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it?  Well it is, unless you are a writer named Jackson (John Cusack), you want to get your family on that ark, and you don’t have a ticket.

Yup, Jackson is a writer.  He was married to Kate (Amanda Peet) and has a couple of kids. But Jackson and Kate are split up now and Kate is hitched with a boob doctor, Gordon (Tom McCarthy). So it’s dad’s weekend with the kids, and he shuttles them to Yellowstone National Park (who knew it was just a hop, skip, and a jump from the California coast?), only to discover a missing lake and wacky radio dude, Charlie (Woody Harrelson).  It is there that Jackson realizes there might be problems with the Earth, especially after running into scientist Adrian (Chiwetel Eliofor).  Well, wouldn’t you know it, when all hell breaks loose it turns out that Jackson is a swell dude and lets Gordon along for the ride as they make the getaway from the west coast sliding into the ocean, and it’s a good thing, too, because it turns out Gordon is one hell of a pilot.

Anyway, in the meantime, the good scientist, who helped figure out the Earth was going to destroy itself, is working with the President (Danny Glover) and Scientific Advisor (Oliver Platt), and the world leaders, to analyze exactly when the world is going to die, but sadly he failed to understand the heating properties of Earth’s core, or some crap like that, so, of course, he’s wrong and it happens sooner than everyone thinks.

So, now, with the Earth falling apart, it is a mad dash for the ark inhabitants to make their way to said arks, and somehow Jackson is able to get his family from the west coast, back to Yellowstone to secure a map, down to Vegas, and off to China to save his family.

The problem is, I didn’t care.

Yup, that is the biggest problem I had with “2012,” the simple fact that I didn’t really care who lived and who died, and I think that was simply because there were too many players involved.  I mean sure, there was Jackson and his family, but then they became intertwined with this Russian millionaire on the dash to China.  There was also the story of Carl the Scientific Advisor, who was a prick, and the President who is a good dude, and international intrigue as people aware the Earth was going to destroy itself were mysteriously killed. Sure, Charlie was a hoot, and I am quickly remembering how great an actor Woody Harrelson is (he’s also great in “Zombieland,”), but for the most part, all of them could have bought it, Jackson should have, and I wouldn’t have cared.

Yes, there is unbelievable action as the world disintegrates, but I have to say that asteroids and aliens make for much cooler destruction, especially when “2012” takes things to truly unbelievable levels as the six-engine plane rises from the depths of Vegas, and the limo is able to nearly leap tall buildings in a single, well, jump, but for a movie with a human element, this movie just lost it all in two and a half hours of “We are all going to die!”

I wanted to like “2012,” but just couldn’t so I have to only give the movie 1/2 star out of 5.  Yes, it is much more impressive on the big screen, but if you are going to spend your hard-earned money, at least wait for a matinee.  All the movie did for me, really, was miss the “Quick Takes” dude, Zay “tap-dancing militant Islamic fundamentalists” Smith, from the Chicago Sun Times, who got axed a while ago, as he kept a watchful eye on the Yellowstone Caldera, which supposedly will cover Chicago in six feet of ash if it blows again, as it did in the movie “2012,” but hopefully won’t really blow again until about 2112, because, well, I’ll most likely be dead and people would then say that the band Rush somehow prophesied it. Okay, enough rambling.

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

A Teepee, Crappy Movies, Broccoli, iPads, and Sushi.

By: The Dude on the Right

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I was worried that Stu Gotz was kicked out of the Gotz household, but during this edition of our “Weekend Wrap-Up!” podcast, I find out that Stu just wanted to build a teepee! Yup, Stu is getting in touch with his American Indian heritage, even though he has none, and he put up a big ol’ wigwam in the Gotz yard. The kids love it, but I worry he doesn’t see the future picture of Mama Gotz saying “You’re sleeping in the teepee tonight!”, especially with Stu not being that great at negotiating skills with his kids involving a piece of broccoli and an iPad.

Neither of us saw a movie in the theater, but that didn’t stop us from catching up on DVD stuff with Stu and Mama Gotz watching “2012” and “Heartbreak Kid,” while I watched “My Life in Ruins” with my BFF, and both of us thought it was all over the place, and kind of stupid, although in her world it still wasn’t that bad because it was under two hours with a happy ending.

I ate Sushi, a Little Gotz ate broccoli, Stu didn’t watch TV, and I’m recommending “The Real Housewives of Washington D.C.” What has happened to me?

And, yes, I realize “Deep Impact” was an asteroid movie. The movie I was thinking about was “Dante’s Peak.”

Thanks for listening!

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

Dinner for Schmucks, Cats and Dogs, Apple Camp, and Cold as a Witches…

By: The Dude on the Right

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Our “Weekend Wrap-Up!” podcast brings to light that both Stu Gotz and I saw movies this weekend, albeit different movies, and Stu is sitting on a movie (The Invention of Lying) that Mama Gotz isn’t sure who the lead dude is! Me, I saw “Dinner For Schmucks” and sort of liked it, liked the food at the Hollywood Palms Theater in Naperville, IL, but didn’t like the fact that it was colder than a witches tit in the theater and the theater is not set up for snuggling so my BFF froze her ass off. Stu, meanwhile, was with his kiddies catching “Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kittie Galore,” but not in 3-D.

Stu is confused with his TV watching, what with “Doctor Who” being done for the season, but lucky for him he still has “Burn Notice” and “Psych,” because Stu is all about cable. Meanwhile, I’m really sucked into “Big Brother something or other,” even though I don’t really know any of the people’s names, I’m still liking Howie Mandell on “America’s Got Talent,” and both Stu and I wonder what will happen to “American Idol” now that Ellen is gone, Kara is supposedly gone, and J. Lo will be taking a seat in the judge’s chair.

Stu sent his kid to Apple Camp, I did a lot of work, Stu has a visitor in town, and my high school reunion isn’t on the same day as a Bon Jovi concert this time, although I still probably can’t go and it’s not my BFF’s fault, as Stu tries to imply.

The weekends go by so fast, and we talk about them… Thanks for listening!

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

Bad Days for Tiger and Nicolas, Passing a Test, Summer TV, and Who Are Ramona and Beezus?

By: The Dude on the Right

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During this edition of our “Weekend Wrap-Up!” podcast, I let Stu Gotz know that my BFF and I passed our marriage test yet he seems more concerned about a weekend drinking excursion rather than my future happiness. I would expect no less from my buddy! As weekends go for me it was pretty simple, with some marriage planning, including renting a tuxedo and realizing that it’s one of the biggest rackets in the clothing industry, and learning to hang some drywall. Stu, on the other hand, seemed to have a good time with said drinking excursion with Mama Gotz, Stinky, The Dude on the Left, and Trash, and somehow he also fit in a trip to the movies with the Little Gotz’s, going to see “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice,” and a snuggly trip with Mama Gotz to see “Twilight: Eclipse.”

Stu is sad the current season of Doctor Who is almost over, he thinks he won’t like “Burn Notice” in ten years if he tries to watch a rerun, and he makes fun of me for watching “Bethany Getting Married,” or whatever the name of the show is with that Bethany chick who used to be a New York housewife, or something like that.

Neither of us seem committed to seeing “Salt” next weekend, nor “Ramona & Beezus,” but I do know some more marriage preparation should be taking place, and Stu is planning on some canoeing, but I don’t see multiple cases of beer as used to be the case many, many moons ago.

Thanks for listening!

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

2 Fast 2 Furious

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:54 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

2 Fast 2 Furious
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Paul Walker, Tyrese Gibson, Cole Hauser, Eva Mendes, Ludacris
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Universal Pictures
Distributed By: thefastandthefurious.com
Kiddie Movie: Keep it to the teenagers.
Date Movie: Only if she likes fast cars and fast women.
Gratuitous Sex: Women in sexy clothes.
Gratuitous Violence: A scary scene with a rat, and a dude gets run over by a truck.
Action: Lots of car chases.
Laughs: Quite a few, especially the “give me a break” type.
Memorable Scene: The “Dukes of Hazard” jump.
Memorable Quote: Too many one-liners to list.
Directed By: John Singleton
Produced By: Neal H. Moritz

I didn’t want to like the movie because my hero, Vin, wasn’t a part of it. I wondered how you can make a sequel to “The Fast and The Furious” without the star of the original, but I guess the franchise isn’t about the actors, it’s about having a pretty mindless story and fast cars. Dammit, I liked “2 Fast 2 Furious.”

This time we’re in Miami and our cop-buddy Brian (Paul Walker) is off of the police force because he let Dominick get away in the first movie. Go figure, he’s trying to make money street racing around Miami. And go figure, the feds need Brian’s help to take out the drug kingpin. So what do they do? Well, they arrest Brian, give him a deal that they’ll clear his record if he helps them, and offer to pair him up with a nerd cop. Brian knows he needs somebody who can really help so it’s off to Barstow to recruit his old “friend who hates him now because he blames Brian for his getting busted by the cops and getting sent to jail” Roman (Tyrese). Yea, they beat each other up, but then they’re best friends again. And, oh yea, Roman’s in because if he helps he’ll get his record cleared.

So, with the help of Monica (Eva Mendes), the federal agent who’s infiltrated the kingpin’s trust (looking hot didn’t hurt), Brian and Roman get involved in a try-out to be the ones who get to carry the kingpin’s cash to the drop-off point. Guess what? They win. Alright, so our new hero, Brian, is falling for Monica, Roman figures this might get in the way, but they’ve all got a job to do, except that Monica overhears the henchman saying how instead of $100,000 when they deliver the cash, it’s a couple of bullets to the head instead. But you can’t stop the gig now, not when the bad guys would get away, so our boys make a plan to get the bad guys caught and keep the money. Well, their plans don’t go as smoothly as the figured so we get some “Dukes of Hazard” action. Ah, who cares about the story, is the car racing cool? It’s alright, pretty much the same as the original, although this time a lot more cop cars are involved and most of them get destroyed.

Every now and then I like to catch a movie that doesn’t make you think, all you need to do is sit back and let the one-liners and chase scenes fly amidst a pretty mindless story. And the hot bodies don’t hurt either. “2 Fast 2 Furious” gives you just that. No one’s winning any acting awards for this one, although Tyrese probably stole the show in terms of comedic element, and Eva Mendes looks fabulous in a bikini, but you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into when you buy you’re ticket for this movie, and you will get pretty much all of it. With that it’s 3 1/2 stars out of 5 for “2 Fast 2 Furious.” Take it for what it’s worth.

That’s all for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Camping Tales, Doggie Tails, Movie Talk, and a Governor Balks “So F*&# All of You!”

By: The Dude on the Right

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My wedding is getting closer, and Stu Gotz says he was wrong – Holy crap it’s another “Weekend Wrap-Up!” podcast!

Yup, my BFF and I actually registered at a store for our wedding, and I let Stu know that he won’t be able to buy us the cooler that looks like a fishing bobber, but he can buy us some dinnerware should he desire! Yup, it’s business marketing at it’s finest, this wedding stuff, and I’m immersed in it headstrong. Stu Gotz, meanwhile, wanted to stay headstrong on his growing distrust of 3-D movies, but having seen “Descpicable Me” in 2-D and liking it, he was actually bummed he didn’t spring for the 3-D version because he could actually envision how it might have been even better.

And in terms of movies, Stu also had no desire to see “Fantastic Mr. Fox” but saw it anyway on DVD, and he liked it, in fact the entire Gotz clan liked it, meanwhile, on my homestead, I enjoyed “Crazy Heart” but the BFF wanted to leave it in the Netlix mailbox.

And what would a podcast from Chicago be without some talk about Ex-Governor Rod Blagojovich? Well, we’ve got that, too, and he’s uncensored so cover your ears should you need to!

Thanks for listening!

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

2 Days in the Valley

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:44 Long
A Review by:
Stu Gotz

2 Days in the Valley
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jeff Daniels, Eric Stoltz, Danny Aiello, Teri Hatcher, James Spader
MPAA Rated: R
Kiddie Movie: Not if you want your kids to turn out like me.
Date Movie: I’d bring a chick to see this movie, but then again I thought it was OK to bring my mom to see Sirens.
Gratuitous Sex: A little. Spader does a nice job with an ice cube on Charlize Theron.
Gratuitous Violence: It’s no Scarface, but then again it ain’t Mary Poppins.
Action: The movie flows well but it’s no Die Hard.
Laughs: A little dry humor.
Memorable Scene: The cat fight between Hatcher and Theron.
Memorable Quote: The banter between characters wasn’t sharp like that in Clerks or Caddie Shack so memorizing lines from this movie would just mean your a loser without a life.
Directed By: John Herzfeld

When I saw the previews for “2 Days In The Valley” I said to myself “Self, you gotta see this movie!” But, much to my dismay, the Friday it opened I had no one to go with. I almost considered going alone but decided to wait instead. It wasn’t until a week later that I got my chance to see the movie. I’m glad I waited and didn’t go alone (thereby taking the chance of being labeled a loser) because the movie wasn’t all that great.

“2 Days In The Valley” is a murder movie that tries to have a Tarantino edge. Hard as it tries it fails at that. There are a lot of great characters, portrayed by great actors, in this movie, but none of them are really fully developed. For example… Jeff Daniels plays a vice cop that hates hookers and is on the edge of a nervous breakdown. He lives across from a golf course and in one good scene he pulls his gun on some golfers that just broke his window. The good Lord knows I’ve broken my share of windows on a golf course and I’m thankful the home owners have never pulled a gun on me! Anyway, Daniels holds the golfers at bay for a few and just walks away calling them “hacks.” His role is so small in this movie that I’m not sure why the writer even shows us that he’s burdened by depression.

Eric Stoltz plays Daniels partner. Eric is a vice cop trying to make detective. Although he’s been on the force for 10 years he’s still a little fresh and is falling for an Asian hooker. But that’s all the movie gives you. Again… Why bother giving us so much personal detail if it doesn’t pay off in the end? Paul Mazursky plays a washed up and suicidal movie writer/director that quite frankly I could care less about. His character adds nothing to the story line except that he shoots Spader and later, the movie hints that the whole situation he finds himself in inspires him to write a movie that will save his career (the movie Get Shorty kind of does the same thing). Then there’s Superman’s babe Teri Hatcher. She plays an Olympic skier who hires James Spader to kill her cheating husband. Aside from a nice ass shot and a good cat fight we get very little of Hatcher in this movie.

So who does this movie focus on. Danny Aiello’s “washed-out hit man” character. Danny is a great actor that does a great job of being pretty smart hit man with a dislike for dogs (or is it they dislike him?). Danny gets hired by James Spader to assist him in his murder for hire job. Spader does a great job of being a “jealous, psycho, murder for hire creep.”

The movie breaks down like this: It’s early in the AM and Terry Hatcher is in bed with her ex-husband. Spader and Aiello break in, juice Hatcher, and kill her ex. Then Spader kills Aiello, or so he thinks (Aiello was wearing a bullet proof vest). It turns out later that Hatcher hired Spader to kill her ex for the insurance money – that and he was a cheating bastard whom she hated. Having done the job, Spader wants to get paid but the money is in a safe at the murder scene. No problem. Spader goes there and offs the detectives to get the money. This whole time Aiello is trying to avoid the cops and get out of Dodge alive. In doing so he stumbles across a group of innocent by-standards and involves them in his mess. He also falls for a girl during this time (can Hollywood make a movie without a love interest?). This whole scenario flows like a British farce.

As fate would have it, his and Spader’s paths cross again. This time Spader gets it. Well it’s night now and in the morning we see Aiello riding off into the sunset and Hatcher hits bricks too. So really it was only 1 and 1/2 days in the valley. Whew…

Like I said before, this movie has a lot of great characters portrayed by some great actors. But, the movie as a whole just doesn’t come together. I get the feeling that “2 Days In The Valley” was a screen play that had too much good material, a lot got cut before shooting, and a lot more wound up on the editing room floor. Despite all that, it was still an OK movie and I don’t regret having to pay $7.50 to see it.

I give “2 Days In The Valley” 3 1/2 out of 5 stars and I’m Stu Gotz. ’nuff said.

Ribfest, Cub’s Game, Friends, Movies, Lebron, and TV – It Must be The 4th of July!

By: The Dude on the Right

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It was the 4th of July weekend, and Stu Gotz and I are on Lebron Watch! Okay, we really aren’t, but during this podcast episode of our “Weekend Wrap-Up!” we do talk about Lebron James and his signing with the Chicago Bulls, or Cleveland Caveliers, or maybe he’ll just retire – wouldn’t that be a hoot!

We both did, however, have a nice 4th of July weekend (and hope yours was nice as well), with Stu catching a Chicago Cubs game, me attending Ribfest in Naperville, IL, and while I watched a George Clooney movie about goats via my Netflix, Stu caught some old episodes of the TV show “Dead Like Me.” He also caught “Grown Ups,” which from his description, thankfully I napped instead of heading to the theater.

I did find out I could have watched “Hot Tub Time Machine” on the cheap via my Comcast On-Demand, I realized I screwed up because “Descipable Me” comes out this weekend, and neither of us really cared about the “Twilight” vampire movie that made tons of money at the box office.

A long weekend, but sadly not long enough I say!

Thanks for listening!

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

Get a Gun, A Death, No More 3D, DisneyQuest Blahs, and Please Keep Your Fingers.

By: The Dude on the Right

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I cleaned my balls over the weekend and during this episode of our “Weekend Wrap-Up!” podcast Stu Gotz makes fun of me for it. I, though, don’t make fun of Stu for going to DisneyQuest over the weekend with the family, especially since it seems DisneyQuest is mostly resting on its laurels and might need an upgrade. Stu was bummed he didn’t go to the new Harry Potter thingy down there in Florida, but after some comments from some other travelers he thinks DisneyQuest might have actually been the better choice.

Me, I’m also in mourning with the passing of one of my TiVo’s, especially with its dying thanks to Paul Conrad of WGN and Eric Ferguson or WTMX here in Chicago. Guess it’s another thing to add to the wedding registry, especially if someone will also pick up the lifetime subscription, but I love my TiVo. I hope I get into afternoon soon.

The both of us saw “Toy Story 3” and breakdown the movie as well as if you should ever see a movie in 3D anymore, Stu and I talk about the plethora of movie choices this 4th of July weekend, (The Last Airbender, Twilight Eclipse, Despicable Me, and Predators), and here’s wishing all of you a safe and fun 4th of July weekend!

Thanks for listening!

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!