How Much Does This Cost? I Must Be At Macy’s.

As the cold of winter was beginning to approach my wife decided to analyze my long-sleeved shirts, and it was decided that I need some replacements. I will say that one of the things I dread is shopping for clothes, mostly because I don’t really know what goes with what, although I did learn a trick from my Aunt and that was simply to look at the mannequins.  Why? The stores aren’t going to dress them to look like crap, so if you pick out some clothes similar to the mannequins you will usually do fine.

As it turned out my wife and I found ourselves at Macy’s, you know, the store that has the Thanksgiving Day Parade, and much like most trips to Macy’s I found myself consistently just wondering how much something was going to cost. If part of their marketing is to confuse the customer what the final price of a purchase will be, I believe they are the winner, hands down.

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Forbidden Zone


Rated: R | Running Time: 73 Minutes
From: MVD Entertainment
The Ultimate Edition available September 29, 2015

Want to see how the great Danny Elman got his musical movie start? Want to see Herve Villechaize as a King in a bizarre, musical world? Want to see a fat “Hitler?” How about a Servant Frog that’s just a dude with a frog head? How about a lot of boobs? Did I forget to mention “Chicken Boy?” If you are ready for some musical and movie weirdness, I believe you might be ready for “Forbidden Zone.”

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All American High Revisited


Rated: R | Running Time: 82 Minutes
From: Virgil Films
On DVD & VOD September 15, 2015

I graduated in 1985. Yes, in the eyes of the youngins I am now the old guy. We also just had our 30 year reunion, another reunion that I missed. I missed my 10 year because of covering a Bon Jovi concert. I missed my 20 year because of supposed to be covering a Bon Jovi concert but that falling through. I missed my 30 year because I just couldn’t swing the time off, but ended up at a Chicago Cubs game. I’m thinking we should have a 33 year reunion in Chicago so maybe I can attend.

What does my reminiscing have to do with a movie review? Well the review is of the documentary “All American High Revisited.” The original “All American High” was shot it 1984 from the perspective of a foreign exchange student, Rikki, who hailed from Finland, giving a look at the high school students of that year, as well as Riccki’s comparison with her life in Finland. Fast forward 30 years and Keva Rosenfeld comes across his documentary in a storage vault, along with some reviews of the movie, and wonders what has happened to some of the kids in the film. Luckily for us he finds a few.

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The Seven Five


Rated: R | Running Time: 104 Minutes
From: IFC Entertainment
On DVD September 15, 2015

I think three quotes best sum up “The Seven Five,” a documentary about the largest police corruption scandal in New York City. The first relates to how it started: “Money always feels good.” The second, to how it continued: “The cops around me would never give me up.” And the third to how it ended: “Welcome to east New York. Welcome to the land of fuck.”

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Brownie Farts Equal Awesome

Are your farts usually smelly?

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Only I could somehow tie together a visit by the spirit of my Mom with farts that smell like brownies. It’s what I do, and here’s how I do it.

It was an evening like any other evening in our house. Milo was protecting us by barking at any little stirring outside, while my wife and I were preparing for a fun-filled evening on the couch. Suddenly the smell of brownies filled the air near our living room, drifted around the kitchen, down the hall, and I even smelled them a bit in my office. It seemed weird because we weren’t making brownies, we didn’t have any brownies, and the closest thing we had to the wonderful chocolatey goodness was this stuff called brownie brittle in the pantry. The problem? When my wife opened the pantry door there was no smell of brownies in the pantry.

Bummer, I was hoping for a surprise of homemade brownies.

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Just Buy Wrinkle-Free Clothes

Do you know how to iron your clothes?

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I can’t believe I screwed this up.

After seven years of having the love of my life offer to iron my clothing, and my letting her, on a recent morning, on the oddness of my having to wear a suit, and with said suit a dress shirt, I started one of our morning conversations with “I think I’m going to…” She knew I had a meeting, she knew I needed a dress shirt, she cut me off and said, “Iron your shirt?” “The shirt’s fine,” I said, “and besides, I’ll be wearing a suit coat over it.” She insisted on inspecting my shirt, she decided it needed to be ironed (I still insist it was fine), and she ever so calmly nudged me to give ironing a try.

And here’s where I screwed up.

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Redeemer


Rated: Unrated | Running Time: 90 Minutes
From: Dark Sky Films
On Blu-ray, DVD and VOD September 1, 2015

Ahh, “Redeemer,” a vigilante movie where the martial arts fight scenes, or I guess I should say usually one-sided martial arts fight scenes are fun, the slow-motion sequences of blood-splattering are well done, and the end action sequence with the final kick to the head is rather fantastic. Sounds all well and good, but then there is the rest of the movie. Ugh.

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Glen Campbell… I’ll Be Me


Rated: PG | Running Time: 116 Minutes
On Digital Download August 18, 2015 |On DVD and VOD September 1, 2015

The challenge: Make a documentary about a man facing Alzheimer’s disease in such a way that it ins’t “Oh, woe is me!”, “Feel sorry for me.”, or doesn’t paint things in a total, “You can have Alzheimer’s and all will be well!” kind of light. “Glen Campbell… I’ll Be Me” simply shows many of the challenges Alzheimer’s patients, and their families, face, every day, seen in the world of Glen Campbell and his “Goodbye Tour.” Yes, the subject is sad because we know the eventual outcome, but even combined with the Alzheimer’s challenges, it is an awesome documentary on the musical brilliance that is Glen Campbell.

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Pay to Watch a Presidential Debate? I Wanted To.

Would you pay a few bucks to watch a live event on TV?

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There was a story in Variety the other day about the pay-TV sector losing customer to cord-cutters, like me. It was an interesting read, and between that article and the Republican Debate, to me it’s like the TV people don’t get it, kind of like the record companies were late to the party in the shifting of how people would get their music. They like their business model, like the pay-TV money rolling in, but seem to be going too slow to adopt the change in content delivery, and soon they’ll be playing catch-up and blaming people who steal their content for their losing money.

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Family Guy: Something, Something, Something, Dark Side


Rated: Unrated | Running Time: 54 Minutes
From: 20th Century Fox Home Video

As the last few months have gone by I am slowly becoming a fan of “Family Guy.” Okay, I’m actually becoming a fan of half of “Family Guy” because here in Chicago they replay episodes at 10PM on WGN and my TV is generally on timer, set to go off at around 10:15PM.  So, as I’m drifting off to la-la land, I’m catching half an episode, but for the most part I am loving half the episode.  As such, being the half-fan that I am, and also being a huge fan of “Star Wars,” I was, I suppose, 3/4 interested in seeing “Something, Something, Something, Darkside,” Seth McFarlane’s and the Family Guy folk’s look at “The Empire Strikes Back.”  At the end of it all, and watching the episode twice (I’ll explain that in the DVD stuff), I can say I was 100% happy.

So pretty much we get the power going out in the Griffin home and the family wants to hear a story. “Black Snake Moan” doesn’t seem to foot the bill, so Peter begins the tale of “The Empire Strikes Back.”  Now I could go into the entire story, but please, we all know the story of “The Empire Strikes Back” (that’s the one with Lando Calrissian being introduced, the one where Luke finds Yoda in the swamp place, and where Luke gets his hand cut off in the “cloud” city). But this is a “Family Guy” episode, with the comical stylings of a “Family Guy” episode, so all of the “Star Wars” characters are portrayed by “Family Guy” characters, and it’s funny, yet oddly true to the “Star Wars” story, as hell.

Yup, Peter is Han Solo, Lois is Princess Leia, and Chris is Luke.  Then you get Stewie as a hilarious Darth Vader, Cleveland Brown as R2-D2, and even Meg gets some screen time as the space slug.  Incorporate them all, and yup, you get some “Family Guy” hilarity infused into the realm of “Star Wars,” and I loved it all.

Now, being a new fan of “Family Guy,” I will admit not having seen the predecessor to “Something, Something, Something, Dark Side” called “Blue Harvest,” which paid homage to the first “Star Wars” film, “A New Hope” (and yes, I know that’s actually Episode IV), so for most Family Guy fans I guess the “Something…” episode can just be some rehashing, but for me, it was fresh, it was new, and it reinforced my newfound love for the “Family Guy” clan.

I guess you can tell I really liked “Something, Something, Something, Dark Side,” so yup, it’s 5 stars out of 5 for the Blu-ray, and even better were some of the extras on the Blu-ray that I’m thinking a lot of “Family Guy” fans will love.  You get some commentary if you want it, you get a really great look at a lot of the work that actually goes into making an animated show, and for me, yes, I actually watched the entire episode again, in “Pop-Up” mode, where little balloons pop up during the episode giving tons of fun facts as well as keeping track of just how many different voice Seth McFarlane does for the episode.  Lots of fun, you get some swearing, so go ahead and get the Blu-ray for your adult, viewing pleasure!

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!