VANish

MPAA Rated – Not rated.
It’s 1:19 Long
A Review by:
Andy Labis

VANish
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Maiara Walsh, Danny Trejo, Tony Todd, Austin Abke, Bryan Bockbrader, Adam Guthrie
MPAA Rated: Not Rated.
Released By: Dark Sky Films
Release Date: February 24, 2015
Kiddie Movie: Send them to bed. Lots of blod!
Date Movie: If she likes blood-splattering thrillers.
Gratuitous Sex: There is an attempted rape in the van, though it doesn’t turn out too well for the dude.
Gratuitous Violence: Headshots, shotgun blasts, machetes, and a handy little cutting saw help with the blood splatter.
Action: Not really much action.
Laughs: Some chuckles.
Memorable Scene: Emma kicking the crap out of Shane.
Memorable Quote: “What kind of amateur bullshit is this?”
Directed By: Bryan Bockbrader
Extras on the Blu-Ray: The bloopers were decent enough, and I actually liked seeing the alternate endings.

The press release said: “three thugs viciously kidnap a drug cartel boss’ only daughter from her home in broad daylight.” With that I was a little confused at the opening scene of VANish as a dude and his lover were being abducted at night, in the California hills. Now let’s cut to the next scene of two dudes in a van, talking calmly amongst each other as dudes will talk, and I’m wondering where is the third dude? Is this the van? And what happened to those people in the first scene?

Little did I know the importance of the first abduction to the plot of the movie, to be explained during a later scene, and now I was being fully introduced to possibly the dumbest trio of kidnappers that there have ever been in a movie. That’s okay, though, because the trio of dopes really made VANish an entertaining film in the realm of blood-splattering thrillers.

Continue reading VANish

Kink

MPAA Rated – Not Rated
It’s 1:20 Long
A Review by:
Andy Labis

Kink
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Peter Acworth, Maitress Madeline, Tomcat, Five Star, John Magnum
MPAA Rated: Not Rated
Released By: Dark Sky Films
Release Date: February 10, 2015
Kiddie Movie: For the love of all things great and small, no. It’s got boobs, penises, bondage, flogging, and all kinds of fun for adults.
Date Movie: If she wants a look into the industry of making BDSM films.
Gratuitous Sex: There really isn’t any sex, except with machines.
Gratuitous Violence: Um, duh.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Some chuckles.
Memorable Scene: Learning how to step on a dick and not having it hurt too much.
Memorable Quote: My dream is to be a yoga teacher.
Directed By: Christina Voros

I liked “Kink.” There, I said it. Phew.

Now will my friends and relatives who read my site and think things like bondage and discipline, domination and submission, or sadism and masochicm (a.k.a. BDSM) are sick, disgusting, and the devil’s work, well, as one person says in the documentary, “just move on,” because it’s going to be hard to write this review without some risqué terms, and maybe a mention of a penis or boob.

Let’s get to it.

It’s not every documentary that has a line “Give me about five minutes. I’m putting together a glory hole,” but “Kink’ does. In the easiest way to put it this is a documentary about a website, kink.com, and it’s internet business of making movies for the BDSM crowd. As simple as that might be, it’s also a look at the personalities and people involved in the business, the seriousness in which they take their movie-making craft, and also a look into those that enjoy the BDSM lifestyle. It’s kind of like a “day in the life” look at what happens at kink.com, and let me tell you, a lot happens.

Opening up with a look around the offices of kink.com, we learn of its nondescript facade and how the building they took over, with it’s nooks, crannies, and various rooms, is pretty much perfect for all of the filming that goes on, and as we move along we are introduced to various directors, talent coordinators, and actors, or as they call them, models, in various stages of productions. There are the women who like the machines, and I’m not talking your run-of-the-mill vibrators, but picture an industrial type jig-saw fitted with a certain apparatus and set up so the woman can be tied up and, well, you get the picture. Then there are the dudes, looking to be dominated with the director telling the actress-model, “If you want to step on it…”, the dude saying “My dick?”, with the director’s quick retort “Of course.” Then she proceeds to show them both how it doesn’t hurt if you step on his penis a certain way.

The thing is as taboo as the topic of BDSM might be to some people, the documentary does show that this is a lifestyle for the people, one that translates into their business, and they don’t mess around because in the world of BDSM there are rules. You find out that in a twist of a thought the submissive is actually in charge of the dominating person because the “safe” word is the key. You find that there is a lot of coaching and maybe changing things on the fly if some of the models end up uncomfortable with certain scenarios, and even on the business side it’s all about statistics and sales because at their meeting we are finding that gang bang videos sales are up, but the machines are down quite a bit, and they want to figure out why because yes, for kink.com, it is a business and they want to keep their customers coming back.

Most of the scenes didn’t bother me, well, except a scene where I said “Ouch, she’s got his wang tied up in a rope!”, but what did start to turn me off about the movie was that most of the people kept justifying what they did and the lifestyle they enjoy. It seemed to get a little too preachy, and I think it would have been better had they toned that aspect down a bit, keeping most of it to what I mentioned before, “That if it isn’t for you, just move on.”, and get back to the filmmaking side.

If you don’t like seeing dudes with penises, and I’m not talking a lazy, boring, limp penis, but porn penises being teased or stepped on, or naked women, and sure, they might be naked, but they also probably have nipple clamps or are hanging upside-down by their ankles and chained with a collar with giant vibrator between her legs, well, this movie probably isn’t for you. However, if you want a pretty decent documentary about a company dedicated to BDSM movies, may I highly recommend “Kink.” Maybe get Howard Stern to do the on-screen interviews to really find what makes the people tick, and I could see this getting a solid 4 stars at the look into BDSM movie-making, but with too many stock answers of how they are good people and BDSM isn’t bad, I’ve got to drop it to 3 1/2 stars.

That’s it for this one! L8R!!

The Overnighters

MPAA Rated – Not Rated
It’s 1:30 Long
A Review by:
Andy Labis

The Overnighters
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jay Reinke
MPAA Rated: Not Rated
Released By: Drafthouse Films
Video Release Date: February 3, 2015
Kiddie Movie: Nah, it’s about a lot of down-and-out people.
Date Movie: If she’s interested in a good documentary and not something mushy.
Gratuitous Sex: Some talk of sex offenders, but nothing graphic.
Gratuitous Violence: Just one person trying to get the Reverend off of their property and threatening to shoot him.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Ehh.
Memorable Scene: The reveal by Rev. Jay of something from his past.
Memorable Quote: “A man with no teeth and living with his daughter calling other people trash.
Directed By: Jesse Moss
Cool things about the DVD: Some of the deleted scenes actually should have been left in the film, and the extended interview with Rev. Jay is actually interesting.

The OvernightersThe stories were out there: Move to North Dakota! There are tons of jobs, waitresses are making $15+ dollars an hour, and you can easily find a job making over $100k a year! While some of this may be true, when stories like this get published what happens? Tens of thousands of people, mostly out of work, consider moving to North Dakota to find work. Here’s the problem. While there are jobs, there aren’t that many, and it’s North Dakota. The fracking boom has come mostly to smaller towns that don’t have the resources to accommodate such a giant influx of folks, many of whom are down on their luck, have questionable pasts, and think that North Dakota, or in the case of the documentary “The Overnighters,” Williston, North Dakota, is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. “The Overnighters” focuses on these people, the ones not getting the jobs, as well as Rev. Jay Reinke, a pastor in Williston who opened his church to those who couldn’t find a place to say, much to the dismay of the town, especially when the questionable pasts of those seeking shelter came to light.

As the documentary opens we see the Reverend waking up the people he has sheltered for the night. Most of them are men, those who came by bus or train are sleeping throughout the complex, in hallways and rooms, while those with cars would sleep in the parking lot, and the documentary begins to key in on a few of them with Rev. Jay, trying to help them through the transition to find a job. He advises them to clean up, cut their hair, get a resume together, and keep trying, but challenges await most of them, especially as background checks reveal criminal records, but more importantly for the documentary, people on the sex offender list.

We see Rev. Jay’s family who is trying to do the Christian thing and help everyone they can, but you can see the strain the situation is placing on them as well. The key to this story is the town of Williston, torn by wanting to be good Christians, yet wanting to keep their small-town feel, worried about crime, and trying to keep their children safe.

Progressing through the documentary we learn that the Reverend is housing men with sex offender pasts, both in the church and in his home, and while some might be a blip on a record that follows them for life, others are not so seemingly insignificant, and when the local paper brings this to light, the blow-back for Reinke is insurmountable, especially as he is harboring some of his own secrets.

What I loved about this documentary was that it really showed the flip side to the stories of the boom of North Dakota. You see the people and some you root for, but many you question because at one instance they seem like people just trying to restart their lives, but then you see them slip into being assholes again. The thing is this even happens with Rev. Jay when one minute he seems like the great-natured guy, just trying to help, but, and sure every story has two sides, from the commentary by some of the people he helps, there are times even his motives seem questionable. There is an extra with a detailed follow-up interview with Reverend Jay when he addresses this, mostly in a manner consistent with his personality shown in the film.

There are a few times the documentary drags, but other than that “The Overnighters” is a fantastic look at the other side of the North Dakota story. Sure, those with a little bit of a better plan than the people just “showing up” and thinking millions await them probably have a decent chance of the good jobs, but it’s this other side people don’t hear about.

This documentary shows people doing a lot of soul-searching, losing even more, like their families, by even coming to North Dakota, and a Reverend who has his own demons that he can’t come to grips with. It’s a great look at the town reaction, those who don’t have it so easy, and the challenges faced when the “boomtown” event happens because not everyone is happy about it. It’s 4 stars out of 5 for “The Overnighters.” I guess I would have liked a few success stories on people who really made it, though there was the one dude who was excited because he was actually going to have someone to supervise. Other than the little blurb of “What is happening now,” a little more follow-up on some of the characters might have been nice. Also there is some “niceness” about the documentary, although one of the outtakes, “I Used to Stay Here,” really shows the flip-side and the volatility that can be there. I think I might have like to have seen a little more of that.

That’s it for this one! L8R!!

Cyber-Seniors

MPAA Rated – Not Rate
It’s 1:15 Long
A Review by:
Andy Labis

Cyber-Seniors
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Shura Eadie, Ebert Hobbs, Henri Pelletier, Max Schellenberg
MPAA Rated: Not Rated
Released By: Virgil Films
Release Date: January 27, 2015 – Online and VOD
Kiddie Movie: Not too young. It’s a documentary and there’s a lot of talking.
Date Movie: It’s cute enough for the two of you.
Gratuitous Sex: Nothing that will make you blush.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: The seniors with no governor on some of the things they say.
Memorable Scene: Shura cooking the grilled cheese with an iron.
Memorable Quote: Annette says “I’m not eccentric.” and Henri the mentor just rolls his eyes.
Directed By: Saffron Cassaday

As I was watching Cyber-Seniors I couldn’t help but think of three people, my Mom, my Mom-in-Law, and my Dad-in-Law, and although a little older than all of the mentors in the documentary, my experience with each my seniors was pretty much the same as the mentors had with theirs. My Mom was an early adopter to the Internet though she passed away before Facebook hit it big which would have helped her re-connect with many more people she lost touch with than she had found just through email and Google searches. My Mom-in-Law’s adoption, especially on her iPhone, quickly accelerated once she hit Facebook, even to the point she has now discovered Snapchat as “GrandmaEleanor” and loves posting her “stories” while keeping in touch with the Grandkids. My Dad-in-Law stays away from social media, but loves finding any news site he can discover. Teaching all of them various aspects of the internet and social media takes a lot of patience, but as the mentors show in the movie, the patience pays off the minute you see the smile of the elder discovering the wonders of Skype, Facebook, and finding out that the younger generation swears too much in their Facebook postings.

As the documentary goes, Macaulee and Kasha Cassady had a high school project back in the late 2000’s after they witnessed their grandparents discovery of the Internet, and they started a program to help other seniors get online. They ended up setting up a group, recruited friends to help teach the seniors, and their sister, Director Saffron Cassaday, started filming the sessions. The documentary keys in on a few of the seniors, their mentors, the elder’s challenges in understanding the concept of the Internet with the youngin’s challenges in finding ways to help point the elders in the right directions, and the excitement of discovery as the elders realize their is another world out there beyond the walls of the retirement home by becoming part of their families everyday lives again.

The training progress showing everything from just turning on a laptop, to using webcams and Skype, even to online dating, while the movie concludes with a contest amongst the seniors, namely to see who can be the biggest “YouTube” star amongst them. Their worlds open up again, and it’s a joy to see.

The beauty in training seniors is that they rarely have a governor any longer, and some of the best moments in the documentary are times when the seniors don’t hold back about people’s looks and their opinions on life, and while some are a little hesitant at first, worrying that if they unfriend someone on Facebook that said “unfriend” will come and attack them, eventually, once they see the benefits, they love it.

All in all it’s a nice documentary about the youngins helping the oldins learn how to get online. There is a little bit of a side story as Macaulee and her grandfather came down with cancer during filming which kind of took the story off the rails a bit, and things dragged a tad as we came to the YouTube contest, but the touching commentary by Ebert Hobbs on having a purpose in life long past your retirement is both poignant and a nice ending to the movie.

A fun look at the old folks learning about technology and it’s 3 1/2 stars out of 5 for “Cyber-Seniors.” If you’ve ever tried to help an elder learn about technology you can relate to the patience the mentors have, but mostly you can relate to the joy when the senior finally “gets it.”

On a side note, if you are interested more about the movie, want to be a mentor or cyber-senior, be sure to check out the the Cyber-Seniors website.

That’s it for this one! L8R!!

Bound by Flesh

MPAA Rated – Not Rated
It’s 1:30 Long
A Review by:
Andy Labis

Bound By Flesh
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Daisy Hilton, Violet Hilton
MPAA Rated: Not Rated
Released By: IFC Films
Release Date: October 28, 2014
Kiddie Movie: Nah, it’s a documentary. They’d be bored.
Date Movie: If she’s a documentary kind of girl.
Gratuitous Sex: There’s talk.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Some chuckles at some stories.
Memorable Scene: It was interesting seeing the sisters performing together.
Memorable Quote: “Freakery sells.”
Directed By: Leslie Zemeckis

Think about your best friend, your wife, your sibling. You like them, don’t you? You probably generally like to be around them? Now picture being attached to them, and I’m not talking emotionally, but physically attached, kind of around the butt area, for 60 years. Granted you didn’t start out that way, but Daisy and Violet Hilton were born, as conjoined twins, and “Bound By Flesh” gives a fascinating, yet kind of sad look at the ladies who had fame, sort of, but because of the people around them had nothing, really, but each other.

“Bound By Flesh” takes you on the journey, from birth to death, of Daisy and Violet. We learn early on that their Mom was devastated when they were born, feeling punished by God because she was having children out of wedlock. Mom was a barmaid, and though she wanted no part of the kids, her boss, Mary Hilton, saw financial potential in exploiting the kids so she bought them from mom. Thus began a life of being trotted out in front of people, bar patrons “testing” their connection, and isolation and control so that the girls couldn’t have a life.

The girls were taught music and dancing, oddly enough, so as their life progressed they ended up in the carnival circuit mostly thanks to Edith and Myer Myers, a couple who ended up with the twins after Mary Hilton died. They did well because, as one guy puts it in the documentary, “Freakery sells.”

Eventually a few people around them gave them the courage to sue Myer, and they won, but a life of isolation, and getting older, didn’t prove helpful to the sisters as bad business decisions and failed relationships followed them for most of the rest of their lives. Yes, they became one of the highest grossing acts in Vaudeville, but as is cautioned in the documentary, be careful what you wish for because now, without the control of Myers, the girls were free, promiscuous, and general party girls who could never figure out who the con-men were, and also never had decent guidance for the rest of their lives, losing touch with the changing world and not being able to understand why people didn’t want to see them any longer, nor understanding the business of it all, and failing to see that as they grew older their popularity went away.

Stranded in North Carolina by their tour manager and left with nothing, the twins, who at a time seemingly had it all, were hired by a local grocery store, and it’s there they lived out the rest of their lives. Working at the store gave them a little money, but more for the ladies, it gave them time to reminisce with the staff and customers as all they really wanted to do was entertain.

They could have been separated later in life, but Daisy and Violet, by this time, realized their lives were one, and they probably couldn’t survive without each other, and in the end Violet came down with the flu. Daisy made the decision to lie there, in their little home, and die along side her sister.

“Bound by Flesh” is a fantastic documentary showing both the ups, but mostly downs, of the Hilton sisters. Their lives are reminiscent of many child and young actors, where the manager or family pretty much steals everything from them, and eventually they become “whatever happened” anecdotes. The other thing about the documentary is that as much as it’s about the sisters, it’s also a great look a the early days of the carnival and of the side-show, how the shows got their start as outgrowths of the Columbian Exposition in Chicago, as well as the rise and fall of Vaudeville, and it’s relation to the sisters.

Fascinating yet sad lives, if you are looking for a wonderful documentary I must say I really enjoyed “Bound by Flesh.” It’s 4 out of 5 stars for this great look at two ladies who could have had so much more if it weren’t for the scumbags around them.

That’s it for this one! L8R!!

The Final Member

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:12 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

The Final Member
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Sigurður “Siggi” Hjartarson, Pall Arason, Tom Mitchell
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Drafthouse Films / Cinedigm
Released On: June 17, 2014
Kiddie Movie: They might giggle a lot, but you might want to put them to bed.
Date Movie: I was a little worried when my wife said “I wonder what his penis looks like?”
Gratuitous Sex: Some talk of womanizing.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Only like most people would laugh at penis stuff.
Memorable Scene: The ending scene was awesome, but there were two scenes I won’t mention that were hilarious and might make you cringe if you a man.
Memorable Quote: “He has this great specimen, Elmo.”
Directed By: Jonah Bekhor and Zach Math

Who knew it was so difficult to get a penis donor? That, in essence, is the underlying theme of “The Final Member,” one of the most riveting and at times hilarious documentaries that will make most men cross their legs and give that “protect my junk” gesture with their hands, while women, or at least my woman, will watch in utter amazement at the quest for a penis specimen.

Sigurður “Siggi” Hjartarson is the founder and curator of the Icelandic Phallological Museum, a museum that was started pretty much to save his marriage as Siggi’s fascination and collecting of any penis he could find was driving his wife crazy and over-running the space in their house. Over the 40 years he has collected many a penis, from the teeny, tiny hamster dink to the giant, sperm whale johnson. He also is into wood-carving, carvings, of course, of penises, with clocks, utensils, and a variety of items any man would be proud to display in his man cave. All of this is great and swell, but what his museum was missing is the most treasured of specimens, the homo sapiens.

During “The Final Member” we follow Siggi’s quest for the piece that will make his museum and in fact, his life, complete. You see, Siggi is getting up in his years, and as a man who is proud of his museum he knows that without the human penis it’s just a collection of stuff. Low and behold enter two people, Pall Arason and Tom Mitchell. Pall is an elderly gentleman, an Icelandic legend not only for his adventurous nature, but also for his womanizing. Pall has decided that upon his death he would like to donate his penis to the museum, and Siggi is thrilled because what would be a better way to “complete” the collection than with an Icelandic legend. There is also Tom, however, who states “I felt ever since I was a kid that when the time came I didn’t want my penis to go to waste when I died.”, and has named his penis “Elmo.” He decides, though, that he would like to donate his penis while he is still alive, a fact that makes Siggi curious but also excited because he won’t have to wait for Pall to kick the bucket. Tom, however, is a weird dude, and if you think Siggi is obsessed with the penis, that’s nothing compared to Tom who has come up with how he wants his penis preserved, displayed, and even Siggi says of Tom, “This is a funny guy.”

Sure this is a little bit of a spoiler alert, but the movie does end with Siggi getting “The Final Member,” and the ending triumph scene is awesome. I was so happy for him at the end I almost got a little weepy. I will, however, not spoil two of the best scenes in the movie only to say that yes, they do involve the penises of Pall and Tom.

A lot of documentaries can be boring, drag on, and get preachy, but I was happy to find “The Final Member” a fascinating look at man’s obsession with his penis, blending the oddly serious nature of Siggi’s quest to complete his collection with a mix of humor that, well, goes along the line of how people generally find talking about the penis funny. It’s 5 stars out of 5 for “The Final Member.” Women will just shake their heads watching and wondering why men can be so obsessed with it, while the men will fully understand and maybe pull out the ruler to see if their penis is of legal length.

A great movie, and I now have a new vacation destination, the Icelandic Phallological Museum. The trick, now, will be convincing my wife we should go to Iceland.

That’s it for this one! L8R!!

Sophia Grace & Rosie’s Royal Adventure

MPAA Rated – G
It’s 1:10 Long
A Review by:
Andy Labis

Sophia Grace & Rosie’s Royal Adventure
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Sophia Grace Brownlee, Rosie McClelland, Amy Louis Wilson, Anna Skellem, Margaret Clunie
MPAA Rated: G
Release Date: May 20, 2014
Distributed By: Warner Bros. Home Video
Kiddie Movie: It’s really who this movie is for, or fans of Ellen.
Date Movie: Only if it’s your husband, and he’s watching it with the kids.
Gratuitous Sex: Um, no.
Gratuitous Violence: Some slapstick.
Action: Some running.
Laughs: Cute laughs.
Memorable Scene: Rosie’s use of her last wish, and Sophia Grace questioning her reasoning.
Memorable Quote: Nothing stood out.
Directed By: Brian Levant
Cool things about the Blu-ray: You can learn about pink, and sing along with the girls.

In the world of “You will get exactly what you’d expect” and “cookie-cutter movie,” I bring you “Sophia Grace & Rosie’s Royal Adventure.” And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

First the back-story, and you can skip this paragraph if you already know who this duo is. Sophia Grace Brownlee and Rosie McClelland became famous for having a video of them singing and dancing to Nicki Minaj’s “Super Bass” go viral. Ellen DeGeneres, never one to shy away from having an Internet sensation on her show, invited them on, they sang and danced, and the Ellen fans loved her. Seeing gold, and because the girls are uber-cute, Ellen kept having them as guests, with Sophia Grace doing most of the boisterous talking while Rosie was just adorable. Then Ellen realized “Let’s have them be correspondents!” and the pair started doing red-carpet reporting, and you would thing the rest was history.

Of course not. Let’s make a movie!

So we get the girls in a fictional movie where, as correspondents for The Ellen DeGeneres Show, they head to Switzelvania to cover the coronation of the new queen. Under the watch of Phyllis Bundt (Amy Louise Wilson), the girls head over on their flight, Phyllis, of course, loses the girls and ends up on her own adventure to get back together with them, and the girls find themselves sneaking into the castle.

At the castle the girls, instead of just being correspondents, are mistaken for nieces for the princesses, and decide to just roll with it. As fakers they get to individually meet the princesses and realize things are a mess in Switzelvania. There’s Princess Imogen (Anna Skellem) who is obsessed with herself, another who is a ditz, and Abigail (Margaret Clunie), the shy one who likes to dress up as a super hero. The girls quickly realize that the best choice is Abigail, but she is far from Queen material, and their new quest is to give her a crash-course in manners and poise.

And hilarity ensues.

Oh, and did I mention there is a magical duck that grants Rosie three wishes?

I know I should say “Spoiler alert,” but if you can’t realize that our heroes save the day, that Abigail becomes Queen after Rosie uses her magic duck, and that Phyllis ends up with a hunk, you do not really understand the meaning of “cookie-cutter” as I mentioned in the opening of this review.

Look, this movie wasn’t made to bring any Academy Award nods, although I’m one to give an award to the duck, but really it’s just a nice, fun movie for fans of Sophia Grace and Rosie, with a cute, happily ever after story, and the girls get to sing and dance. If the movie was being promoted as something fantastic and a must-see I would probably give it 2 stars in terms of originality and acting, maybe even less, but the movie is really being set up as what it is, you will get exactly what you expect if you know who the girls are, and for that I’m going to add a star for 3 stars out of 5. Not the greatest of films, I would have liked a little more originality, but the girls are their adorable selves, and the right princess does become Queen. Get it knowing exactly what you are going to get.

As far as the extras on the Blu-ray combo pack mostly it’s about the singing and dancing department with a featurette of the songs in the movie, and I learned a lot about pink, but for the most part the extras aren’t anything uber-special.

That’s it for this one! L8R!!

Hot Guys with Guns

MPAA Rated – Not Rated
It’s 1:45 Long
A Review by:
Andy Labis

Hot Guys with Guns
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Marc Anthony Samuel, Brian McArdle
MPAA Rated: Not rated.
Released By: Wolfe Video
Release Date: Video on Demand: May 6, 2014DVD: May 8, 2014
Kiddie Movie: Oh no. Put them to bed.
Date Movie: My wife got sucked right into it.
Gratuitous Sex: A lot of talk, and gay, sex parties.
Gratuitous Violence: There are some guns and fighting.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Quite a few.
Memorable Scene: Nothing stood out.
Memorable Quote: “How’s your head?” “It still hurts.” “You didn’t say the safe word.” “I had something in my mouth.”
Directed By: Doug Spearman

As my wife simply put it: “It’s so bizarre it’s captivating.” The movie is “Hot Guys with Guns,” and yes, I have to agree with my wife.

With an opening scene reminiscent of a James Bond movie, only with dude butts instead of dudette butts, we are introduced to passed-out guys in a room and a weird dude in a mask.

Let’s cut to the heroes of the movie starting with Danny (Marc Anthony Samuel). He’s taking a private investigator class as research for a movie role because, well, the film takes place in California, and, of course, it’s got a dude who wants to be an actor. Then there is his friend/ex Pip (Brian McArdle), who lives with his wacky mom, she who doesn’t like black guys or Mexicans, and Danny is worried about Pip because Pip is getting involved with a dude that Danny doesn’t trust.

As the story unfolds it turns out Pip finds himself at a party where everyone ends up drugged and passed out, with things stolen. It turns out there are Sex Party Bandits out there, and our two heroes want to solve the case, especially now that Danny is learning private eye stuff.

So our heroes get wrapped up in a plot of intrigue and bad guys, a plot that thickens when we find an actor was hoping for a role in a Disney film that was somehow involved in a drugged-up rape, and comedy, mayhem, and crime-solving ensues.

I must say that the first half of the movie had way too much plot development for what was supposed to be a buddy movie in the likes of something like “Lethal Weapon,” and was mostly background for internet surfing, but all of a sudden I was actually wrapped up in the story and wondering how the boys were going to crack the case without getting killed. I laughed, I cringed, and yes, I thought “bizarre.”

Had the movie opened with a tighter first half I could have easily seen myself heading to the 4 ½ star range for “Hot Guys with Guns,” but because it took too long for me to get involved in the story I have to drop it to 3 ½ stars out of 5. It’s not the greatest of acted movies, and there is some bizarreness in a world of gay, sex parties, but for some fun you could do a lot worse. Stick with the movie past the first half and let the bizarreness and fun take hold.

The DVD has some general stuff like some bloopers, but for the most part this one is all about the movie – No, you’re not going to get any real insight into sex parties.

That’s it for this one! L8R!!

“How’s your head?” “It still hurts.” “You didn’t say the safe word.” “I had something in my mouth.”

Everyday

MPAA Rated – Not Rated
It’s 1:30 Long
A Review by:
Andy Labis

Everyday
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: John Simm, Shirley Henderson
MPAA Rated: Not rated.
Released By: IFC Films
Release Date: April 8, 2014
Kiddie Movie: They’d be bored.
Date Movie: If she’s an artsy film fan, like you.
Gratuitous Sex: There is some sex, but nothing gratuitious.
Gratuitous Violence: Some fighting.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: A chuckle or two.
Memorable Scene: The “Dad Get Out of Jail” party.
Memorable Quote: Nah.
Directed By: Michael Winterbottom
Cool Thing About the DVD: Nothing really.It’s got some deleted and extended stuff.

I don’t know why I generally try to give a warning for these kinds of movies, but I guess the best thing I can generally say, to kick things off, is “Everyday” is an artsy kind of film. The reason I say that is because even though I’m going to give the movie 4 stars out of 5, this definitely is not for everyone. As artsy, there are times of drawn-out scenery shots, scenes of walking/train rides/walking and general “Okay, now look out in the distance with a reflective thought in your head to convey to the viewer your pain,” as well as a lot of dialogue kinds of scenes.

That said, “Everyday” is a nice look at a family struggling through dad’s five years in prison for some drug smuggling.

In the movie we have Ian (John Simm), playing the dude. He seems like a nice enough guy who just got wrapped up in the wrong people. His kids are young, in fact his four kids are played by actual siblings, Shaun, Katrina, Stephanie, and Robert Kirk, and I think the fact they are siblings helps as for many of the scenes they don’t seem to have to “act” that much to show the camaraderie of being a family.

As the movie goes along, we see the family trips to see dad in the pokey, and mom (Shirley Henderson) doing her best to raise the kids and still stay in love with Ian. Yes, there is the proverbial “Is she going to cheat on her hubby” scene, and the oldest boy has a propensity for getting in trouble, and sometimes you might think it would just be easier to break away from dad, but credit to their family for sticking it out.

Eventually dad does get released, and they have that weird “celebration” of “Yay, my dad the criminal got out of jail,” and the family trying to get back together as a family unit, and in the end you just hope they will all be okay.

Artsy? Yes. Well-done? Yes. For everyone? No. The acting is very well done, especially John Simm in that weird role of a dad in jail, but not a bad guy. The movie itself is shot over the course of the five years, which does lend to a more realistic look at the children growing up, although, and I know probably not realistic in the film-making realm for keeping the actors on call for that amount of time, I think a ten-year look at the family might have been a little more drastic in showing the changes, especially in the children, as for the most part, I think the kids could have ended up how they did whether or not dad was in jail. That or maybe start the oldest boy at about 15, so he has to go through high school with dad in jail, rather than his younger years.

As I wrote earlier, “Everyday” get 4 stars out of 5 from me. Well-done, but artsy, so if you can appreciate that type of film, it would be a great get for an evening.

That’s it for this one! L8R!!

Mostly Entertainment: Things From the Past Week

It’s a Trailer for Sophia Grace & Rosie’s Royal Adventure
You either know ’em and love ’em because you are a fan of Ellen DeGeneres, or you will wonder where did these girls come from, but Sophia Grace and Rosie, two little girls who became famous for goofy dancing and being Ellen’s Red Carpet correspondents have a movie coming out. Yup, their fifteen minutes of fame have been parlayed into Sophia Grace & Rosie’s Royal Adventure, out on DVD and Blu-ray on May 20th. It does look cute, for the little girls at least, as Sophia Grace and Rosie become involved in helping a Princess become Queen material. Will they be “one and done” child stars, or did Ellen maybe find the next Mary Kate and Ashley?

DVD Releases from IFC Films
Coming April 8th for your movie player are two releases from IFC Films, Bastards and Everyday. Hopefully we’ll have a review of Everyday posted soon.

Malaysian Flight 370 – When Will We Forget?
The first weekend it was all over the news, the second weekend there are still a few stories, especially as a new report of debris being found pops up, but for the most part we are starting to forget about Malaysian Flight 370, and unless something major happens in the next few days, unless we are directly involved either through loved ones missing or helping to continue to search, it will just be a blip in our memories, a “Did they ever find that plane?” memory that might pop up in our heads at lunch with colleagues one day, . There are a ton of conspiracy theories, from Aliens to black holes, a story going around as the “Startling Simple Theory” was recently debunked, but blips in our memories are what most news stories become.

There’s a Taxpayer Uproar, I Guess
The headline reads “Obama ladies touch down in China amid taxpayer uproar,” and as much as I try to stay up on current events, and did hear about the First Lady’s trip to China, I have yet to hear the uproar. With the Malaysian plane, March Madness, Russia taking over the world, and most people just caring about living their own lives, calling it an “Uproar” might be a little far-fetched. In any case, Michelle Obama and her girls are in China. Hopefully they have a good time, I guess.

Microsoft Office for iPad is Coming March 27th, Maybe
Always one to get their products to market with the latest technology, the story is that Microsoft is going to have a media event on March 27th where they are going to be launching Microsoft Office for the iPad, a mere four years after the first iPad was released, and a mere 3 years and 364 days after most people figured out a way to use their iPad without it. Good luck, Microsoft! Way to stay with the times!